Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri

I Should Take A Night School Class On How To Title Blog Posts

2012-03-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

x5
20 kb swings

x5
3 per side turkish get ups
30 seconds HARD rope slams
10 per side sledge hammer tire swings
.25 mile run

It was a solid ass kicking for my arms.

I'm at the pre-race point where I'm paranoid about everything hurting me. I babysat my nieces on Sunday and spent all of Monday eating every possible "helps shorten/prevent colds" in case their runny noses rubbed off on me. I keep thinking "should I foam roll more? What if I foam roll too much? Should I eat better this week? Should I keep eating the same?"

Overthinking everything. Yup. That's how I roll.

Breathe In Breathe Out

2012-03-06T07:00:00.003-08:00

30 minutes with three sprints (1 minute jog between sprints):

40 second sprint @ 5:07 pace
60 second sprint @ 5:03 pace
60 second sprint @ 6:07 pace

Each sprint was followed with crazy ragged breathing and 198 HR. So, I must have been doing something right.

Oh, man, every time I talk about how much easier it is to push myself mentally when I run, it does NOT apply to running almost 12mph. Because holy fuck that is difficult to maintain. A minute feels like for fucking ever.

I was too lazy to take and upload one picture, so here is a picture I took Sunday trying to angle myself to look as skinny in the waist as possible. Why? I don't know.

I made brownies with strips of bacon on top over the weekend. I ate a quarter of the tray the first night. I'm working on finishing the rest. So good. Added bonus: My husband thinks it's disgusting so I don't have to share.

In other news, there is no other news. Tell me your news instead

The Biggest Loser Ranch Stalker Workout

2012-03-05T07:00:00.004-08:00

First, my workout. One final brick before next week's tri:

The Workout

2 mile run easy @ 6mph (slower than normal to break in the new shoes)
1 mile run hard 6:20
10 mile bike hard @ 21.7mph
10 mile bike easy @ umm, total 20 miles speed was 20.5mph. Math is not my strong suit.
20 push ups

I wore my compression shorts, because why not. Surprisingly, my butt held up for 20 miles of unpaded bike action. My butt callouses must be super thick these days. Suck on that image for a while.

The shoes felt weird. I'm not used to wearing my shoes fully laced up. My normal running shoes are loose enough that I can slip them on and off. Yes, I race that way. So, the bottoms of my feet felt weird. I don't know if that's a new shoe thing, or a THIS shoe thing. I'll give them a few more runs.

Then I headed off to the hills of Calabasas to babysit my nieces. While I was there I managed to get my stretching homework done (subbing a tennis ball for my foam roller, and skipping pull ups). The girls tried to stretch with me, but they kind of sucked at it. It's hard to have good form when you're 3. That, and they're kind of lazy.

We played on the trampoline, which does crazy things to Cassie's hair.

I also walked the girls a bit down the road to the Biggest Loser Ranch.

Biggest Loser Ranch Stalker Workout

Push a stroller to appear inconspicuous. Do loops until you spot a contestant/get 3 miles in.

Stretch your neck trying to tell if the people come up ahead look like contestants or crew. Enough craning here and there and you'll have awesome neck muscles.

Covert arm curls while you try to look like you're not taking pictures of the back of a contestant's head.

Thar be spoilers (maybe) below.

I saw TWO contestants while I was there, and overheard one crew member talking. The crew member said "they're taking turns talking to Dr. H before the finale." The contestants were:

Kim, looking positively svelte, heading towards the gym.

Conda, who, while thinner was still sporting major bitch face. She and a super super hot dude who I've never seen on camera (possibly one of the other trainers they have in the gym on non-camera days?), walking around the ranch. She was, shockingly, complaining. I know, right?

Now, I don't know if everyone was back on the ranch for pre-finale stuff, or if Kim and Conda make it to the end. Conda does not look thin enough to win. Maybe that's just because I hate her? Really, I hate them all. I barely care, but I'm a fame whore, and the proximity was too close to pass up. Plus, the campus is pretty, and it's quiet enough that I can let the girls go free range while we walk without worrying about them getting run over.

Anyway, I got a good stalker workout, or something. Really, I just pushed the girls around and made sure they kept their sun hats on, and took covert pictures.

It was in the low 90s for most of yesterday. Summer in Southern California, man.

4 Things

2012-03-03T09:12:00.002-08:00

1. 60 minutes on the bike with ten 2min sprint, 2min recovery.

Email to my tri coach: 2 minute sprints are the devil. I hate you.

I was going to do my homework, but I was way too exhausted. And Lazy. So, before 7pm, I was curled up on the couch in my pajamas.

2. But then my husband came home with the suggestion of going to Red Robin.

The siren song of deep fried was strong enough to make me put on clothes again.

My husband was posing while I took the above picture. "You realize you're not IN the picture, right?" "Take my picture next!"

On the way home we bought a whole lemon meringue pie. Damn that shit is good.

3. I bought new running shoes. $40 on super clearance.

4. I'm on a Ragnar team, set to run in a few months. Reflective vests are mandatory for the night portions. Also, reflective vests are some of the most unflattering ugly things I've ever seen.

Well, usually.

I guess you just have to figure out how to wear it.

(Yes, I am ridiculous. I am aware of this.)

POWER SNATCH!

2012-03-02T07:00:00.001-08:00

Workout:

Deadlifts
10 @ 95lbs
10 @ 115lbs
5 @ 135lbs
(break where I tried to do double unders on the jump rope)
5 @ 135lbs

And then, we played.

I've been increasing my shoulder flexibility, so my trainer decided it was time to do power snatches.

POWER SNATCHES.

(not me)

We also did some power cleans and some sumo squat pulls to work on the motion.

It was awesome, you guys. I felt...real. Like I was doing real gym things.

And then, oh, man, and then my trainer and I threw kettlebells back and forth. He's been talking about wanting to do this for...almost a year. But, I just wasn't ready yet.

My trainer seemed just as gleeful as I felt. It was terrifying and exhilarating. I cannot wait to do it again.

SO MUCH FUN. It was also an excellent workout, but that's less important.

We spent a fair amount of time talking about my competitive streak, too. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I need to find some balance in pushing myself against others, feeling superior to strangers, and feeling less good about my accomplishments because a friend of a friend can do better. It's all jumbled up in my brain, and I'm not getting it out well. I should be pushing myself to do better, but not at the expense of my opinion of myself or others. The upside is, I don't find myself judging against my friends. It's always people I barely know, or friends of friends. I want to be the best whatever to everyone I know. Which, hello, is impossible.

I don't know. It's useful to a point. The need to best others does drive me to do better. But I don't want it to tarnish future accomplishments because I was slower than someone I don't even know.

People like to say you should only race against yourself. But, if that were true no one would drop tons of money to run with other people. No, we are racing other people. It's called a race for a reason, right? It's just the amount of weight I'm willing to give it.

It's stupid, really. Less than a year ago I was content with my slow plodding along. And then, though training, I realized I could move faster, and now I'm less happy with how I do? Stupid.

THREE PULL UPS IN A ROW

2012-03-01T07:00:00.002-08:00

First and foremost: I did three pull ups in a row.

Three mother fucking pull ups.

Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah, some other stuff happened, too.

45 minute bike, 10 minute run.

I ran with the dog. He likes to be a pansy, but I made him keep up with him. Sure, it meant he didn't get to pee on every bush in the neighborhood, but he'll survive.

The bike was fine. I was supposed to take it easy, so I did.

Somehow I can't manage to ride my bike without getting grease all over my legs. It takes a special level of skills to be me.

And then I did my homework.

As I said yesterday, I added in shoulder dislocaters. And, since I enjoy looking stupid, I made a video of them.

And then I did a set of three pull ups, dropping to a dead hang in between each one (and then two more sets of two each).

It feels really good.

And I'm going to keep bragging about my pull up successes as long as I keep having them. Certain things are worth shouting from the blogtops.

Flex It Out

2012-02-29T07:00:00.001-08:00

Workout:

x5
1 minute treadmill @7mph
1 minute bike standing
10 chest presses (two 30lb dumbbells)
10 squat and rows
10 kettlebell clean and presses
1 minute rope
10 per side sledgehammer tire swings

Sky worked out with me. I finished 7 minutes before him.

While I was waiting for him to be done I did 3 turkish get ups per arm, then two 40 second planks.

Then we messed around with weighted squats. The homework my trainer assigned me has been loosening up my shoulders, but I'm still not ready to squat the 40lb bar. I'm getting closer, though, and that's awesome. I showed my trainer a stretch called the shoulder dislocater (note: does not dislocate shoulders), so that's been added to future homework to progress my shoulders faster.

And then I died.

At least, I smelled like something died.

Sky reacting to my stench.

And then I came home and jogged the dog for almost a mile (stupid loop in my neighborhood is JUST shy of a mile, so I feel lame calling it a mile, but it basically is. Basically.)

Now, I haven't been in a gym in months. So, I have a surplus of brotard building up in my muscles. I had to flex it out. My arms were so swole.

Ahhhhh, now I feel better.

Tonight I have an easy reverse brick. That should feel nice.

Bike Fartleks. Ish.

2012-02-28T07:35:00.004-08:00

Workout: 45 minutes on the bike trainer

Note: I was too lazy to post the single picture I took last night, but this picture from last week never made it on the blog. There you go.

My Monday training is usually at whatever level I want to go. I can (and usually do) do it easy. But I don't have to.

Last night I decided to play around with it. I warmed up a bit, then did gear ladders, sticking with each gear for a minute, then doing a minute at the next highest gear, until I hit the highest one. I did this a few times, with some normal biking in between. Then I broke 10 minutes up into five 2 minute chunks. I'd start each chunk doing a standing sprint at the highest gear, and hold it as long as I could. Once I pussed out I would ride normally until the 2 minutes were over. I could only hold the stand for 30 to 45 seconds, but I wasn't in a "push yourself HARD" mode. I could have gone for longer if I needed to.

My friends Marla and Andrew showed up right as I was finishing the bike, so I conned them into slowly jogging the dog for a mile to give him his exercise.

Then I did my homework, including pull ups, while they talked about the web series they're shooting. Life in L.A. is interesting.

For dinner we went to Vin Loi Tofu, a vegan place in our neighborhood. They were one of the caterers to our wedding, and the owner always remembers us. He started running two years ago, and swore he'd run one marathon and quit. Two years, nine marathons, and 16 half marathons later he's training for an Iron Man. This shit be addicting, yo.

I've been having exercise related minor anxiety dreams lately. Last night in my dream I was back in college, and there was a pool next to my dorm, but you weren't allowed to swim laps in it. The night before I stumble across a costumed relay run, where you changed costumes every 5k, and I was pissed I didn't get to sign up for it.

Brickenstocks

2012-02-27T07:00:00.002-08:00

This is what sucking looks like:

I hate biking.

Hard running isn't easy, physically or mentally, but it's a fuckload easier than biking hard. I think it's just because I've been doing it longer, so I can mentally retreat while pushing myself. But biking just seems so hard for so long. It hurts and it sucks and a little part of me keeps suggesting I just slow down and stop trying. That's the worst part. I can suck up the physical difficulty for the most part. Even when the part of my quads just above the knee are burning like a disco inferno, that's not the tough part. The tough part is how mentally difficult it is to keep pushing hard. I feel like that has to get easier, or I'll never be a fast biker. And, fuck, there are tons of people who are not fast bikers. So, maybe it doesn't get easier for everyone. Maybe it won't get easier for me.

But, then again, the speed I'm going when I'm feeling this is getting faster. So, I am getting faster. My tri coach told me a few weeks ago "it doesn't get easier, you just go faster." And hey, look, he's right. I mean, he's always right, but it's still worth pointing out.

But it still sucks.

The run was glorious. I warmed up slow. Easy first mile to warm up my hips. Slightly faster second mile to shake off the dust. Come to mile three, cranked it up. Started at 9mph. Held that for half a mile, then cranked it up to 9.5mph. For the last stretch I pulled out 10mph. It felt good. I love running. Sometimes I don't like it, but I still love it.

The push ups were cake, too. I'm good at push ups.

Sky worked out with me. He was on the bike while I ran, then switched. He's been secretly working out, so there's a chance he might beat me at this triathlon. I'm going to have to be okay with that.

But if he does beat me, he said I'm literally allowed to kick his ass.

This week is a bike heavy week. That's good, considering my feelings on the bike. The more time I spend with the bike, the less shitty it will be. Familiarity breeds...um...something good. Yup.

Do These Leggings Make Me Look Too Muscular?

2012-02-26T18:24:00.002-08:00

Do these leggings make me look too muscular?

Also, for my nerd porn:

To preemtively answer all questions: Black Milk Clothing. Yes I paid for them. If they c/oed me I'd...I don't know, a whole fucking lot. This company is goddamn amazing.

That's all.

How To Feel Like A Pussy While Running 10mph

2012-02-24T19:04:00.003-08:00

How To Feel Like A Pussy While Running 10mph:
1. Be told you should do five one minute sprints at 12mph
2. Realize your treadmill doesn't go past 10mph

Boo!

Upside? 10mph is too slow for sprinting for me. Which is cool, right?

10 minutes @ 7mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
10 minutes @ 8mph

Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 3.84mph
Calories burned: 575 HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA fuck exercise machines lie their asses off when it comes to this. I was dying the whole run. That number is absurd.

I just realized my treadmill makes me stare at our beer fridge.

Confession: I am terrified of falling off the treadmill. It doesn't have the side rails I'm used to, so it's really difficult for me to dismount.

Which means, for the first time ever, I wore the stupid treadmill clippy thing, so half my face didn't get torn off when I fell off the stupid thing.

Yeah, that's weird looking. Whatever.

Afterward I grabbed the dog and jogged with him for the almost mile loop through my neighborhood.

And then I did my homework.

It takes me just under 15 minutes to get through my homework. And it feels good.

I also managed another three sets of 2 pull ups. Sucks balls, yo. But, it sucks SLIGHTLY less each time, which is a good sign.

Not a good sign? The bottoms of my feet hurt. Right now. When I wake up. Not all the time. Just sometimes. Weird. I'll worry about that later.

In two weeks it will be triathlon-eve. And now I'm all nervous. Ug.

The End.

Lapped and Laps

2012-02-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

Workout:

x5 this:

Sky came with me.

I love sledge hammering shit. I bumped up to the 16lb sledge hammer.

I started one thing ahead of Sky, and ended up lapping him during the final circuit. Fuck yeah.

===============

Next it was swim time.

100m easy
100m hard 1:53
10 minutes easy
100m hard 1:54

Disco pool party.

Wearing goggles feels like a contact sport sometimes.

Man, I love what actually training does to my body. And this is me eating meh. I lasted about a week being a food nazi. I'm back to cookies and pork rinds and shit. This is why I dance around naked in my bathroom. Life is good. I'd probably look better if I had a tan, though. Muscle definition, I mean. I enjoy being pale usually.

Morning Ugly

2012-02-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Morning Run!

I had a 25 minute easy run on my schedule. My body is stupid, and I was up at 7:30am anyway, so I decided "morning run!" Yeah, that went well. I hate running in the morning, and my body was hating on running period. It didn't go well. Lame. I look angry because it's early, and I suffer from a rare medical condition called Morning Ugly. I'll be doing fundraisers for it in the future I'm sure.

But, hey, it meant I was done with exercise for the day. Yay!

Bic Bands!

B.I.C. Bands is one of the sponsors of my Ragnar Team. Sandy sent me two sparkly bands, and you guys, I'm a believer. Okay, I haven't ran in them yet, but I wore one all night. And, you guys, I have a deformed head, I swear, since every headband I use slips off eventually. But these? Don't. Holy shit!

Homework!

When I got home from work I threw on The Biggest Loser (too much drama, not enough workout porn), and did my homework. I managed to do all three sets of 2 pull ups. Fuck yeah. Still loving the homework. Being told what to do, and being held accountable for it, is awesome.

Race Pictures!

Why pay for race pictures when I can steal them online! Okay, I still have mixed feelings about this. If I made money off this blog I'd feel shitty about it. But, I don't. Technically I've probably lost money on this blog from shipping fun things to people. Oh well. I'm not in it for the money. I'm in it to force as many people as possible to look at pictures of my ass. Short of being the next goatse, this will do.

This is me coming down the final stretch on Sunday. I'm catching air. Sweet.

Being awesome is tough you guys. I'm exhausted too often. I'm cranky pants. I miss everything being easy and awesome all the time. Getting better is HARD. I almost wish I could go back to not caring how well I did. Almost.

Um. Workout Related Title?

2012-02-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

My trainer made fun of me for wearing pink today.

Workout:

x5
20 lunges with dumbbell curls
10 push ups with opposite arm/leg lifts at the top

30 kb swings
30 squats
30 sledgehammer tire swings
20 kb swings
20 squats
20 sledgehammer tire swings
10 kb swings
10 squats
10 sledgehammer tire swings

x5
2 minutes on the bike
5 tire flips (FUCK YEAH TIRE FLIPS)

x3
20 (per side) raised leg toe touch crunches
60 second plank

I hate planks.

I was tired when I walked in to the garage to train. I'm always tired. My trainer laughed at me and told me I'm trying to do too much. That's fair. I'm already mapping out post-triathlon plans. I am throwing in a week of not doing a damn thing, though. That counts for something, right?

Anyway, I got home to a crock pot full of pork tenderloin and bbq sauce. Easy as shit, delicious.

But, before I ate or showered, I did my homework.

This is my attempt to show you the bretzel.

Note: I am doing it wrong. My flexibility sucks donkey balls. It doesn't help that I hate stretching. I've always had flexibility issues. I couldn't touch my toes without bending my knees as a kid. That's just sad.

Anyway, having this homework is really good for me. It's making me stretch daily. Well, at least three times a week. I need to put more focus on the pull ups. They're tough and I'm lazy.

I'm still sore from Sunday. My quads and hamstrings. Normal aches. My knee feels fine now (still concerns me). My hips ache when I sit properly at my desk and while driving, but...that's normal at this point.

Yup.

Pasadena Rock'n'Roll Half Marathon

2012-02-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

Chip Time: 1:50.56
Pace: 8:28
Age Group: 34th out of 606

I have built myself a nest of everything I might need on my couch. I have no plans of moving, all day. I will soil myself on this couch. My legs hurt.

I'm trying to remember the last time I ran further than 9 miles. And, the 9 miles I ran two weeks ago was in preparation for this. Before that, my last long run...I don't even know.

Obviously, I've been keeping myself in shape. But, for the first time in a long time I hit limits on my legs. With all the speed work I've been doing, I've grown used to hitting my lung threshold while my legs are still a-okay. I forgot what it was like to feel fine *except* my legs.

Well, until this morning.

The only preparation I did coming in to this race was to be a bad ass. I've been tired and spent all week. And cranky. And rude. Mostly tired.

Why do I have so many excuses? Look at my race time. I'm fucking proud of that.

Beyond the pride, I have two overwhelming thoughts:

1. How stupidly was I training before that I could have a 20 minute PR without really training this time?
2. What am I capable of when I train?

I have another half in May. There's a lot going on in March, but I should, at the very least, have all of April to train. Which isn't enough time to, say, bring my A game, but it will give me an idea of what I want to do with myself. Maybe I could hit 1:45. That would be neat. We'll see.

Anyway, the race.

Let's see.

The expo: Ug. I don't understand why I have to drive 45 minutes each way and pay $9 to park so I can pick up a piece of paper. Charge me $20 and mail it to me. Please. Plenty of people will still go to the expo and buy shit, but I won't have to sit in a car for too long just to grab my bib.

The race: Parking was $15, and I am cheap, so I opted for the $5 satellite parking lot. My alarm went off at 6am. I was parked by 6:45am. It was a 1.4 mile walk to the start line, which was fine. It was chilly, so it was a good way to warm up. Added bonus of making small talk with other runners on the way. Mostly "why is it so cold?"

Start line was easy to find. I was in corral 3, which made me feel like a bad ass. I was nervous. My stomach was doing that first date dance. That "I'm already strapped in to the roller coaster but maybe I changed my mind" dance. Thankfully, I have joined the Garminions, so I had something to futz with and keep me distracted.

And then, it was go time.

My goal was to dance around 9 minute miles. The course was a little hilly, so as long as I averaged 9, I knew I'd be okay. It felt like a solid goal, while still stretching me out of my comfort zone.

I think I nailed it.

What?

I kept thinking "slow down. You won't be able to keep this up."

When that didn't work I thought "oh well, at least I'm banking time for when I slow down later."

And, it felt like I slowed down. Constantly. Honestly, the whole race it felt like my watch was lying to me about my pace. It didn't feel like I was going "fast."

But, there it was.

In between miles 4 and 5 I realized this race would be made or broken by my hips. They'd been bothering me all week. They bother me whenever I push myself. I don't know why. But, after mile 4 they started to ache. Normally they don't hurt *while* I run (just after). So, there was that.

At the halfway point my right knee started to twinge.

I did what I do best. I ignored it. I kept going.

I wasn't really pushing myself. I was, a little, but, I wasn't trying to break any records. I kept waiting for my body to freak the fuck out, so I was banking energy, too.

Mile 9 hit me pretty hard. I was playing the "4.1 miles? ANYONE can run 4.1 miles!" game. Didn't help. I kept glancing at my watching. I could feel my legs, really FEEL them. I wondered how far I could go. All the way apparently.

I took a Gu at mile....9? Ish. I never took any water. I don't know why. I don't know if it would have help.

Anyway, final mile, final push. Finish line. Finished. Holy shit.

Water. Gatorade. A medal. And then, holy shit, a race blanket. For the first time ever, I finished a race fast enough to merit a race blanket. Mostly, I took it because it was cold out and I was in a tank top.

And then I hobbled 1.4 miles (uphill) back to my car, muttering "fuck fuck fuck" under my breath, but graciously smiling and thanking the people I passed. My legs hurt so bad.

But, I made it to my car. And took stupid pictures. And drove my cracker ass home. I crawled into the shower, then built a nest. And hit refresh on the race site to get my *real* time, since Garmins are liars, yo.

All Aboard

2012-02-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

Warning: Fake Smile

Workout:

x5
20 kb swings

Attempt 2 at KB v02 max test: Failed in forth minute.
Attempt 3 at KB v02 max test: Failed in second minute.

Excuse:

No amount of chalk was preventing my pre-existing callouses from getting tore the fuck up. The pain was not worth whatever benefit I was getting from the test. Two days was not enough for my hands to heal from the previous test.

Failure. Choked back tears. Moved on.

x2
10 chest presses (two 30lb db)
10 (per side) backward lunges with sledgehammer lift at the top
20 step ups
0.25 mile run

After two rounds something in my back/shoulder region felt stabby. Fuck. Another failure.

x2
10 (per side) single leg squats
10 (per side) lunges
20 step ups

x4
20 cone touches (giant band around my waist, trainer holding me back)
10 (per side) side stepping cone touches.

And then he gave me homework.

===============

I really want to type "I don't know what my problem is." But, I know what my problem is. I'm exhausted. Spent. I just need time. This isn't something I can muscle through or shake off. I just need to wait it out.

It's a good thing I only have a half marathon this weekend. Oh shit.

Better

2012-02-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ran: 30 minutes
Swam: 30 minutes

Things are obviously getting better because I only thought about curling up and crying a few times. All the times involved cold.

The run was slow and cold. My legs didn't want to go faster so I never got warm enough. I was wishing for a scarf the whole time. The run also reminded me what it felt like back when 10 minute miles were tough. I wasn't tracking my distance or pace last night (and still got back to my car within a minute of when I was supposed to. Bam!), but it couldn't have been great. My legs were heavy. My knees hurts. Moving forward was rough. I assume I'll be able to run normally again at some point. I'm running a half marathon on Sunday, so I guess we'll find out then.

The swim was fine, but the brief period between exiting the shower in the locker room and submerging myself in the water was chilly. 30 minutes was the longest I'd been in water since September, but it went by. I decided to count my laps by playing the alphabet game. Name things with each letter per lap. I made it to W (just like a white winged dove), which means I did 23 laps in just over 30 minutes. I will never be a fast swimmer, but I can only assume this is shitty. I don't care. But it's not the "everything sucks fuck the world I am EMO HEAR ME WHINE" type of "I don't care" that I've been dragging around all week. It's more of a "if I knew how to swim properly I'd get better but I can't really teach myself so this will do, pig, this will do."

Oh, the swim.

My brain has not been functioning recently, as is clear by...everything.

So, this morning I grabbed my bathing suit from the drying rack before I left for work.

Or so I thought.

See, I grabbed two pieces of bathing suit. Both were tops. I am unclear how even the foggiest section of my brain could think that my disco top and my orange scaly top could possible be put together in any combination that would be acceptable at a public pool.

I did briefly wonder if there was any way I could wear a top as a bottom.

NO.

Thankfully, knowing full well that I am 100% stupid at least 10% of the time, I had a back up in the car.

Now, I haven't worn this suit in a while. It was...a little loose putting it on dry. Once I was in the water it...well. The bottom rose up a little too far in the back, and the top hung down a little too far in the front. Nothing was sagging. Everything was just a little more seductive than one would want in a public pool.

I should probably switch out my emergency swim suit. Or actively start making passes at the hottie life guard. He had one of those beards that said "I like reggae music and flannel shirts and camping at the beach drinking IPA and beat up trucks and I'm 18 I swear." I might have added that last part to make myself feel better.

But, I do feel better.

Not dancing in the street in my rain boot and a tutu life is delicious better. Not there yet. But I'm no longer so exhausted that I only have the energy to hate and loathe. Big improvement over the last few days.

Tonight's Workout

2012-02-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

x5
20kb swings

Timed v02 max trial:

minute 1: 10 snatches right arm
minute 2: 14 snatches left arm
minute 3: 18 snatches right arm
minute 4: 22 snatches left arm
minute 5: as many snatches as possible right arm

I was 18 snatches in to minute 5, with 20 seconds to go, when the bell flew out of my hand, bounced off of (and dented) the box jump box, and crashed to the floor. FUCK.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. So pissed. So close. FUCK.

x4
12 sledge hammer tire swings per side
20 step ups on the tire while holding 16lb sledge hammer over my head
15 jumps from the center of the time to straddling the center hole

x3
planks. felt like 20 minutes. probably more like 1 minute.

The End.

That's all I have. It's clear I'm still spent from Sunday. I couldn't be bothered to take any pictures. Don't care. Maybe tomorrow.

I ate half a chicken while standing at the kitchen counter. Was hungry. Felt like a bear.

This is a bear.

See? You learned something today.

Fuck.

Here is a picture of my dog chewing on a bone.

Cactus To Clouds: A Hike

2012-02-13T19:07:00.000-08:00

Stats:

Distance: 23 miles
Total elevation gain: 10,400 (8k over the first 12 miles, 2.4k over the following 6)

5th hardest day hike in the country

Our stats:

Start time: 4:15am
Amount of sleep: 2.5 hours
Time it took up: 16 hours
Deals Todd made with God if we survived: 1
# of times I screamed "are you fucking kidding me?": Too many to count

A 4:15am start time meant we slept in Palm Springs the night before. Well, "slept." 3 normal people in a hotel room with someone who snores like a dinosaur was not a great way to kick off this hike. At best I got two and a half hours of sleep. Likely less. Wes, the snorer, got a solid 5 hours. Todd got maybe an hour. Manny didn't sleep at all. This colored the rest of our day.

A few miles in we got our sun rise.

Posing with the scenery. At this point things were still enjoyable.

The tallest visible peak? Yeah. Once we hit THAT we'd be halfway there.

Halfway done with the hike. 8,000 feet climbed. The last time we attempted this hike, this was as far as we got. The last time we attempted this hike I felt pretty good at this point. This time, I was already done.

The second half was all covered with snow and ice, which meant putting on crampons (basically, strapping spikes to my shoes).

The only way we knew we were on the right track is the tracks in front of us.

And then...lots of miles. Lots of cold, hard, never ending miles. The signs said 5.5 miles, but, fuck, it felt like so much more. At some point the ration of curse to none curse words in my thoughts got kind of messed up. That's as much as I want to think about that point in the hike.

Summit!

The view from the top. Almost worth it.

Kicking back at the top.

Proof that *I* made it, and didn't quit on the way to the top, lie about it, and steal some pictures. And I totally never considered that.

Video from the top.

The final 6 miles back down to the tram were a race to beat the setting sun. The wind was blowing snow over the tracks. The tracks that were our only way to tell where the trail was. Yeah. We were all tired and miserable and the wind was ripping through the mountain, slamming against us.

Finally fucking done. I look way better than I felt.

Conclusion. Never again. NEVER AGAIN. Everything leading up to the hike was fun and hilarious. The company was wonderful. I was well fed and well hydrated. I was tired the whole time. I was unhappy most of the time. We all were. We all entertained thoughts of quitting.

I don't know what exactly went wrong. We had everything we needed. Lack of sleep played a HUGE factor, I know. I don't know if that was entirely it. Everything was just...off. If I had known what it would be like when I woke up Sunday morning, I would not have gone. It's a hike I will never do again. I don't know who I'd recommend it to. I'm pretty awesome. But, it's a seriously hard hike. I don't know. I feel like we failed somehow. It was much, much harder than I thought of we be. Yes, I knew it was the 5th hardest day hike in the country. Hardest in California. And yet, I didn't think it would be this hard. User error in that regard.

It was beautiful. I'll give it that. And, yeah, I feel pretty bad ass for finishing it. The company was awesome. I'm sure my legs are stronger because of it.

I don't know. It was a long, hard day.

Newish Treadmill + Brick

2012-02-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

I bought a treadmill off craigslist today. This means I can do my annual naked 5k in my garage. Well, it will be "annual" if I do it again this year. We'll see.

I had a brick on schedule for today:

Run: 2 miles (10:00, 7:03)
Bike: 10 miles (avg 21.5mph for first 5 miles)

I started slow on the run because my butt muscles were bothering me, and it had been a while since I'd put real time on a treadmill. My second mile was supposed to be "hard," but I increased the speed slowly to adjust to running hard on the treadmill. It didn't stop me from almost eating shit on the dismount (creating the peak on my HR chart: 198).

My bike trainer was set up right next to the treadmill, so transition was easy, much to my legs' dismay.

The "hard" first five miles were just that. Sweat was pouring off of me. My legs hurt. Keeping up the effort was draining. As it should be, folks, as it should be.

Afterward, I felt good. Drained, but good. I blame last night's mountain of fruit. It's easier to feel good when I'm properly fed.

Now I'm packing for a crazy stupid hike I'm doing Sunday. The hike starts at 4am. Shoot my now.

This means tomorrow is my day off. We're driving to Palm Springs tomorrow night to grant us a few more hours of sleep in the morning, but it's still going to be the devil.

Good thing I'm not sore all over from this week's various workouts. Oh, wait. Oh, shit.

The upside is, I'll be in excellent company, scaling the mountain with my EMTs from my ultra. We tried the mountain last month, but were foiled by the sunset (Which is why we're starting earlier). Fingers crossed we can knock it out this time, so I can check it off my list and move on. Backpacker Magazine calls it the 5th hardest dayhike in the country. So, yeah. Let's see if it lives up to that.

Titles Are For Pussies

2012-02-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

I started last night's workout whiny-exhausted.

My shoulders hurt. I felt like crap from eating shit for dinner, follow by shit for breakfast (finished off my anchovy pizza, then started my day with pop tarts, pork rinds, and diet coke. I am fueling my body, fuck yeah). I don't know why I insist on eating so poorly when I know it makes me feel like shit. At the very least I need to remember to subsidize my diet with fresh food. I've been craving fruit (but not supplying it) for four stupid days. Lesson learned. Last night after the pool I bought a shitton of fruit and feasted on it.

But, walking in to the workout I was...not excited, to say the least.

But, I nutted up. Because what else could I do?

Workout:

x4
10 95lb dead lifts
10 box jumps

x5
20 lunges with dumbbell curls
10 (per side) one leg box jumps

x4
20 sprints with a band around my waist and my trainer holding the other end
10 (per side) one leg squats

[drive to the pool]

100m easy
100m hard (1:57)
10 minutes easy
100m hard (1:55)

I'm going to pretend like the swimming is getting easier. In reality, the locker room shower was luke warm at best, and my shoulders hurt. The only thing spurring me on for the second sprint was not wanting to deal with the shame of having it be slower than my first sprint, since I had so much more time to warm up. Both sprints involved major lapses in judgement when it came to how close I was to the wall. Both sprints probably looked like I was a motor boat having a seizure when viewed poolside. I'm not convinced swimming is something you can get better at just by doing it. I might, actually, be getting worse. I'm probably just re-enforcing what I know to be terrible form. But, this tri is three lengths of a pool. Well, the swim portion is. And I'm not going to mess up my training plan with swim lessons for three lengths of a pool. I'll re-address all my goals and shit once this tri is over, and decide if it's worth getting better at swimming, or if I want to swear off triathlons for the...third? Fifth? time. We'll see.

That said, I walked away from the pool satisfyingly exhausted. I did what I needed to do. It felt good.

I earned my sweat.

Plus, I got to oogle my own back muscles while taking creeper locker room pictures.

I was outlining my next few weekends to my husband the other night, and it was exhausting just talking about it. I think, after this tri, I'm going to sleep for a week. So exhausted.

Maybe I just need to take better care of myself.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

2012-02-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

Run: 3 miles, middle mile HARD.

Time: 23:51
Middle mile: 6:38
HR: Hit 199

Running hard SUCKS. I was dreading it. The whole first mile I spent wishing I didn't have to do the second mile. The hard mile.

And then it was time. And I had to get my ass in gear. And my body played games. "Maybe you shouldn't have been eating pork rinds a few hours ago. Maybe your hip hurts. Maybe your knee hurts. Maybe it's too difficult to breathe."

Yeah. None of those things. It was fine. It could have been worse. It could have been better. It could always be better. I can always do better.

=======================

My awesome blog friend Jan and I did a post-holiday gift exchange. She clearly knows me well, because she sent me awesome socks. All of them all tall, thick, and warm. I love them.

Thank you, Jan!

=======================

I'm trying to work on pull ups every day. Some days it doesn't happen. Okay, more days than not it doesn't happen. I keep forgetting that I can do them. And they're hard. One, I can do. Starting in immediately on the second one, BAM. I'm really not used to doing difficult moves in the privacy of my own home, without a hugely muscular man yelling at me.

But, it will get easier, eventually. No, no, I need to channel my tri coach. It won't get easier, I'll just be able to do more of them. And it will be worth it.

I look forward to the day when I can be doing drunken pull ups at a party. Maybe that should aim for this to be my Halloween goal.

The New Laura Croft

2012-02-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Compression Shorts As Holster:

But back to the normal stuff.

Normal.

hahahahah.

The Workout

Sky joined me for the workout. Yay.

Lots of foam rolling

x5
10 burpees with a 12lb ball. Push ups on the ball at the bottom, lifting the ball instead of jumping at the top
farmer walk down the street and back with two large (forgot to check how large) kettlebells
Sprint on the bike while Sky does the above, mentally screaming at him to go faster

Holy ass kicker. Super hard. (twss)

x2
hand slapping partner planks
15 per side one leg in the air touch your toe crunches

Then a bunch of hippie stretches.

And then I put the compression shorts on like I was supposed to.

The sprinkler is still a legit dance move, right? I can take this out clubbing?

I think aspaeris should put my ass on their website, right?

I'm feeling minor burn out again. Mostly I'm just tired. Not enough sleep tired mixed with tired, tired legs. But, strong, awesome tired legs. Legs that need a nap.

Yeah.

How To Wear Compression Shorts

2012-02-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

First:

Ran: 35 minutes
Swam: 25 minutes

The pizza and beer diet is treating me well.

================

On to the fun stuff.

Aspaeris is one of the sponsors of my Ragnar team. They sent everyone on the team a pair of compression shorts.

Mine arrived yesterday while I was at work, which prompted me to engage their twitter account in a few questions.

Me: My compression shorts arrived. They fit perfectly!

Them: @duckierose hahaha! You're doing it wrong :P

Me: @aspaerispivot oh, you mean like this?

Them: @duckierose oh yes, the compression short bolero jacket, a personal favorite.

Me: Tiny cape.

Me: Ridiculously inappropriate tube top.

And that's when the conversation ended.

So, any suggestions for how ELSE to wear compression shorts?

Trails and Trainers and Too Much Pizza

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

Too much pizza? How DARE I! But, that comes later.

First: 9 mile easy run to make sure I'm physically capable of running the half marathon I'm signed up for in two weeks.

I'm not very smart, so I chose a hill trail run.

And it was perfect.

Average pace: 8:57

So, it wasn't the easy run I had planned. But it was mentally easy. I let my legs set the pace and just went along with it. Never once did I have to push myself.

I barely broke a sweat. It was pretty awesome.

The blisters weren't so awesome, but they were positioned in a way that it didn't hurt to bike.

Which brings me to awesome point #2: 20 miles on the bike trainer, middle 10 HARD

Average pace for those 10 miles? 21.3

Fuck yeah.

FUCK YEAH.

I think that's my fastest 10 miles yet.

During my 5 mile cool down I decided that a beer sounded delicious. Clearly my body needed carbs, because I don't like beer.

It was delicious. I finished it in the shower.

And since I don't drink I got a pretty sweet buzz. And promptly ordered two (cheeseless) pizzas and an order of buffalo wings. When they arrived I realized I ordered one with anchovies. Which are delicious, but still. YAY BEER.

Five slices and 7.5 wings later (shared one with the dog) I realized I may have over ordered. Oh well. Cold pizza is DELICIOUS.

Quick story: In college I got so sick of people bumming slices when I'd order pizza, I started ordering anchovies every time, because it was the only thing that could keep people from wanting any.

The End.

Cycling Club

2012-02-05T18:58:00.000-08:00

So, a few days ago I was complaining to my tri coach about how terrified I am of the bike part of my upcoming race. Mostly, I have a comfort level with running that I don't have with biking. So my coach suggested I get out there and ride. On the street. With other people.

Lucky for me my area of LA has a pretty great cycling club. AND, they had their monthly introductory ride this Saturday.

I'm a pretty solid introvert. I'll post pictures of my ass all over the internet, but talking to someone I don't know if one version of my own personal hell. But, I'm trying to be better about that.

So, which I really, really didn't want to go meet knew people, I really, really want to be better on the bike.

So I went.

There were three of us newbies (and a whole ton of regulars who were doing harder routes). We were paired up with a seasoned veteran, with lots of "do as I say not as I do" advice. The ride was 26 miles, with a stop halfway through for bagels and chit chat. It was lovely.

I'm sure everyone was super impressed by my fashion sense, too.

Why yes, that is a sleeveless bike jersey worn over a regular tshirt.

I'm going to try to go again this weekend, if I can fit it into my training schedule. Everyone was really nice and helpful. It felt good to ride on the street.

My ass. Because apparently that's what I do.

Baby Bicep Blister City

2012-02-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

Hello Baby Lefty Bicep.

2pm is a fucked up time to be Rose. Why? That's around the time each day when my body goes fucking nuts. Either hunger or temperature. Some days I'll go from zero to HOLY SHIT GET FOOD IN ME NOW I'M SO HUNGRY I MIGHT PASS OUT. While my stomach is still mostly full from lunch.

Other days I'll be minding my own business, dressed like a normal person, office a pleasant 71F, when I'll start shivering so hard my teeth chatter, or it will feel like it's 80 degrees.

No rhyme or reason. Some days I'll escape the day without a single freakish body crisis. Most days I feel like that obscure Sting song, All Four Seasons (which holds one of my favorite song lyrics ever: she can change her mind just like she changes a sweater).

That's the worst thing about training. That and my already tiny boobs getting even smaller.

But the upsides are totally worth it. My trainer talks about how awesome I am, how much ass I kick, and how much more I can do compares to not only people he trains, but, in a few instances, compared to other trainers. Which makes me feel pretty good.

One of my favorite things is when he works out with me. For starters, it makes me feel like I'm doing a REAL workout. I mean, I always am, but it adds a bit more...what's the word I want? Validity. To the workout.

Last night was one of those times.

First, I foam rolled my IT bands, my calves, and then spend a long, long time foam rolling my ass.

Warm Up:

x5
20 kb swings (20kg)
I rest while he does 20 kb swings (40kkg I think)

Workout:

My trainer came up with this, and didn't realize how hard it would be. He originally intended to do five sets of ten, but as you can see, that changed.

Here's how it worked: I would do one rep, then stay in racked position while my trainer did one rep. Back and forth, back and forth. We'd finish one arm, then immediately switch to the other arm. The numbers listed are per arm. Once both arms were done we'd switch to active recovery. The bell wasn't set down until each set was done. HOlding it racked was the WORST. I was only using a 12kg bell, but holy shit. HOLY SHIT.

reps per set: 10,8,6,4,3

swing to snatch to swing to clean to strict press to one arm racked squat.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else. The further into a rep I'd be, the more confused I'd get, taking longer, which left my trainer in racked position longer. HAHHAHA.

And then 2 minutes on the treadmill @ 6mph for active recovery.

End result: Blister City

I also threatened my trainer that I'd have dinosaur arms tomorrow.

I threaten that a lot. But man my arms were killing me. And my wrists. I could NOT master the soft landing on the cleans (but, somehow, finally NAILED it on the snatches. Score one for Rose.).

Oh, my trainer and I matched outfits last night. It was cute. And we listened to death metal. It's good hard core working out music.

My arms were tired and my hands were tired, but I'd been meaning to try out a hybrid chin up/pull up, so I did. Not so bad. And then I did some pull ups, but couldn't eek out more than one in a row. I guess that's what happens when I try to do pull ups within half an hour of killing my arms.

After my shower I opted to make "I Don't Give A Fuck" for dinner. Ground meat. Cut up veggies. Chili powder. Cumin. I added just enough veggies that I felt okay about eating a big bowl of meat for dinner, and nothing else.

The End

Faux Mini Tri

2012-02-02T07:48:00.001-08:00

25 minutes easy pool time
35 minutes easy bike time
1 mile easy jog with the dog

Minus the romaine around smelling like chlorine part, this is the kind of triathlon I could get used to. The "no effort" kind.

The swim was fine. Lots of thinking. About how I suck at swimming. The bike was fine. Super easy because I'm still nursing my hip/butt muscle area. Plus, my training schedule had them marked out as "easy." Score.

I was only supposed to do the first two, but I was too lazy after the bike to put on warm clothes, and the dog had to be walked. I figured, if I jogged, I would stay warm outside. Weird lazy thought process, I know. But I'd rather be *this* kind of lazy than any other kind.

I get a HUGE kick when my dog does the "downward dog" stretch. Every time.

This next picture was supposed to demonstrate the three (THREE!) sweat drips running down my neck, then down my chest simultaneously. They are vampire sweat drips, though, not actualizing on camera, so it just looks like I'm showing off my invisible cleavage. And I'm posting it anyway, because why the hell not?

This one is to demonstrate that I ran. Yeah. Sometimes, when I'm moving pictures from my camera to my laptop I have a little, quiet, "WTF?" session with myself. Mostly I think I'm hilarious, though, so it all evens out.

Can we discuss my hair? Okay. I know that I look like a giant art school douche wad with the top knot, but I don't care, because it's the only way to pull my bangs out of my face without using a headband or little clips. As my bangs get longer, the bun will migrate back to a safe, librarian distance, and everyone will be happy.

Oh, then I tried to do pull ups. Well, I succeeded, but not how I wanted. My trainer says I should do three sets of two every day for a week, then try to do three sets of three, and so on. I'm going to assume my arms were tired from Tuesday, and tired from the swim, because my sets went: 2, 1, 1.

Mind you, I was nursing a slightly unhappy stomach because I had the genius idea of EATING while on the bike trainer. And every athlete knows that eating while working out is easy and leads to zero problems. I totally didn't get nauseated. Not at all.

So, I'm blaming my lackluster pull up debut to that.

Oh, these are pictures I was too lazy to pull off my camera on Tuesday.

Rolling out my hip/butt muscle with a tennis ball HURTS, but it's that good kind of hurt, like pulling out a nasty ingrown hair, or getting punched in the stomach for money.

And my butt. Some day I'm going to look back on this as either mortifying or liberating. Actually, that's a lie. I doubt in 20 years I'll look back on blog posts at all. I'll be living on the holodeck trying to convince Picard that earl grey tea is fucking gross. I can't handle the tannins.

Speaking of awesome things, well, it's Groundhog Day... again.

Quickie

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Workout:

Lots of long stretching for my hips and butt

5x
10 barbell chest presses (70lbs, which should be easier than two 35lbs dumbbells, but it was harder. I don't know why)
15 squat and rows

5x
2 (per side) bells up strict press
12 push ups

5x
10 dumbbell curls
10 tricep things

And then, for shits and giggles, my trainer made me do this.

Good times.

Biking and Jared and Pull Ups, Oh My!

2012-01-31T06:00:00.000-08:00

My hips and legs are still sore from my 22:02 virtual 5k. My right quad spent most of Monday twitching.

I had 45 minutes schedule on the bike last night, so I used it to warm up my hips and loosen up my muscles. Nice, slow, steady pace.

I did manage to break a sweat, just so no one thinks I was slacking too hard (not that anyone really cares).

I watched Property Virgins the whole time. Man I'm glad I don't have to go through buying a house again for another ten years or so. That shit's exhausting.

After the bike ride I pretended to stretch.

This one actually felt good, but man, I don't have the patience for stretching.

And then, for no reason other than "why the fuck not"ery, I decided to do a from-hanging-position (aka REAL) pull up.

And. Um. I did it. So, immediately posted on twitter. Because I tried to brag to the dog but he didn't give a shit. And this is my first one, so it's kind of a big deal (just, you know, sad that with all the working out I do, it took me this long to do it). And then I did another one. To make sure it wasn't a fluke. And then I tried to do two in a row without putting my feet down. And succeeded. And then I did two more, just so I could get a shitty picture.

Yup.

==================

Oh, yesterday I had lunch with this guy.

To prove my social skills, this happened:

Me: Is this the first time you've had two ladies in your pants?
Jared: No, but it's been a while.

Some other bloggers were there. L-R it's N Her Shoes, Skinny Runner, me, Jared Fogle, Run Eat Repeat, and I'm a shitty blogger, so I don't know the couple's blog name.

I made Jared hold up a fan sign.

And then he obliged my request for a butt picture. Which proves he really is a nice guy.

Tidbits:

He can't order a sandwich without saying "um" either (I don't think anyone can).
If they named a sub The Jared he would choose the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki.
He did get sick of subs. He eats them a few times a week now, when he travels. He travels over 200 days a year. Nuts.
He has a four month old son, who hasn't had any Subway yet.
He carries his fat pants around in a Coach brand travel bag thing. He says the Smithsonian has expressed interest in them.
He's pretty sure Billy Blanks could beat him up.
He has a personal trainer. And agrees that personal trainers are awesome.
He says the best part about running a marathon is being done and never having to run one again.
In the UK they put pineapple on their sandwiches. Freaks.
Jared is super nice. Doing PR for Subway for 13 years and getting recognized by two presidents hasn't gone to his head.

Yup, that's all I got.

Does A Virtual Race Count As A PR?

2012-01-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

No.

Not to me, at least.

Most races are measured pretty carefully. A race that's just me, the road, and some satellite feedback? Yeah, I'm not banking my pride on my garmin being accurate. My true PRs only count on a race day.

Which is too bad, since today I ran the Virtual Freeze Your Thorns Off 5k.

(I didn't print out a bib because either I'm a hippie who is trying to save the trees, man, or I'm lazy)

22:02.42

My current PR, from four years ago, is 23:55.

I guess I need to sign up for a real 5k now, eh?

The stats:

The heart rate info is slaying me. That's (according to Garmin) 117% of my max. So I must be really dead.

Yes. I was pushing myself.

Mental stats:

Mile 1: Oh, this is a seven minute mile? This isn't so bad. As long as I keep my breathing under control, I should be able to maintain this. Huh, I can actually feel this in my legs. That's new. I wonder if that's from biking yesterday. Usually my lungs give out first. As long as I keep my breathing focused I'll be fine.

Mile 2: I don't feel my legs anymore, because the breathing is getting hard. It feels like I'm going slower. Oh, shit, I am going slower. Am I capable of going faster? Push it, push it. Man, this is tough. How far do I have left to go? Oh shit. Will I be able to keep this up for another mile?

Mile 3: Can I blame my speed on the wind? Fuck, the wind isn't hard enough. This is me being slow. Move faster legs. Shit, I need to breathe. Focus on your breathing. In, in, out, out. Oh fuck I need air GASP GASP WHEEZE GASP GASP AIR SWEET JESUS AIR no, shit, no, get your breathing under control you can DO this. In, in, out, out Fuck I just want to stop and walk what if I stop now what if I pause my Garmin and take a break how the fuck do I still have half a mile left, in, in, out, out, anyone can run half a mile, the faster you finish the sooner you're done suck it up mother fucker why am I so slow am I go to pass out? Push push push push.

Mile 3-3.1: Point zero one, point zero two why is this going so slow jesus fuck point zero three am I go to die if I go faster? point zero four kdfghdfklhgdflkhgdlfh point zero five stop looking at your watch run run run run so close run run run point zero seven what the fuck why aren't I don't yet point zero eight RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN point one STOP YES FUCK GASP WHEEZE HEADRUSH DONE

So, that is why my average heart rate was 198. That's how I hit 209bpm.

I still have almost a half mile to go before I was back to my car. I spent the whole walk muttering things like "fuck, shit, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, uggggggg." And then I sat in my car and tried to calm down.

Already I was upset about my third mile. Did I go out too fast? Maybe I should have had breakfast. Maybe I should have taken a day off after kicking my own ass on the bike yesterday. But, these are excuses. And what I am excusing? I pushed myself HARD. I'm not sure I could have gone much faster. But I could have gone a little bit faster. If I'd kept my breathing under control I could have gone faster.

I need to cut myself some slack. Because this is a good time. And I am proud of it. This is the first time I've tried to run a hard 5k, honestly, probably since my PR 4 years ago. My 5ks in between have all been cheerleading other people or just dicking around.

Pushing myself is hard. I didn't do it for a long time. Because it was easier to keep doing what I was doing.

So, this is a new world to me. I have a lot to learn.

My legs are tired. My hips twinge a little bit when I use them. But I feel awesome.

I'm trying to eat "clean" this week (basically, whole foods. Vegetables, fruits, and meat). I want to keep it totally clean for another week. Mostly just to see how lean I can get. For science. And then I'll find some happy medium between eating well and eating like shit. Balance is good.

For example, tonight my husband wanted the equivalent of a middle eastern burrito (shwarma in laffa). I wanted grilled chicken and fruit. So, we went to the laffa joint, and I ducked in next door to the grocery about bought chicken, lettuce, mango, strawberries, cherry tomatoes, and cherries. I grilled up the chicken with some squash, roasted the tomatoes in the oven with olive oil and salt and made lettuce chicken wraps with salsa. Delicious. I'm about to go eat my weight in strawberries and mangoes now in hopes of upping my vitamin C, because my throat is starting to feel scratchy.

The End

Not So Easy Rider

2012-01-27T20:28:00.000-08:00

30 minutes on the trainer with 5x 2min sprint 2min recovery.

This is clearly my dog, since he's showing his ass to the camera.

The first two minute sprint I started out HARD. As in, hit 27mph (And nearly shat myself). That was sustainable for...um...a second or two? Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah. But it was still neat. I settled in to a stead 23mph or so during the sprints. Sometimes it was lower. Because damn, that shit is hard. Quads were aflamed.

But the headband kept the sweat from dripping in my eyes.

The best butt short you're going to get.

By the end I was exhausted. EXHAUSTED. My legs were jelly. My heart rate hit 190 a few times. It was a good workout. I almost put it off until Saturday, but decided it was only 30 minutes, and it would be easier to just knock it out. Glad I did.

Because I can:

Yay weekend. I have a run and a clothing exchange. Good times.

Exhuastered

2012-01-26T20:50:00.000-08:00

I think my arms are going to fall off.

Workout:

On camera (for an audition video I'm doing for a potential show I'm auditioning for, that I'm probably not supposed to talk about)

5 sets of 20 kb swings
5 135lb deadlifts
1 per side 40lb turkish get ups
7 dumbbell presses (90lbs today)

Here is the chest press video. It was tough. It's the heaviest weight I can press, I think (I'm not good at remembering this stuff). I just wanted it to look impressive, you know?

Deadlifting.

Turkish get up. I need to work on my form for the heavier weight. And, um, not failing on my left side. Don't worry, as soon as the camera was off I knocked out a left rep.

Normal shit:

x4
0.25 mile run (7mph)
2 per side turkish gets ups
10 db presses (70lbs total)
10 box jumps (medium height)

AND THEN: Pool

Breaking in my disco suit.

100m easy
100m hard (1:56)
10 minutes easy
100m hard (1:57)

And then I drove home and my arms fell off.

Oh, I've been waiting to write this since I bought this suit. Apropos of nothing, bite my shiny metal ass.

And, I'm physically exhausted, but I'm not mentally burnt like I was for the last few weeks. I feel awesome. I feel vibrant. I love what I'm doing. I feel good. My arms could sleep for days, and my legs need a vacation that involves floating in a pool and sleeping for 12 hours at a time, but I feel, mentally, awesome. And, even tired I feel pretty physically rad.

I've been eating well this week. I'm sure that helps. A steady stream of total shit in my diet apparently wasn't good for my mental health. Who knew? Oh, everyone. Yeah. I'm sure I'll find some middle ground before training is done.

But until then, my arms are totally going to fall off.

Just What I Needed

2012-01-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

15 min run, easy.

That's what my training schedule said for last night. I had been looking at it for a few days. 15 minutes hardly seemed worth the shower I would have to take anyway. I'm pretty awesome, I thought to myself. Fifteen minutes isn't worth my time. I should do more.

So, I pestered my tri coach. And got permission. As long as I got out there and shook my legs out.

I had big plans. For no reason. Just, big plans.

And then Tuesday's training session happen. And wiped me out.

I spent all of yesterday physically exhausted.

15 minutes of easy running sounded perfect.

Things tend to work out like that. Most other Tuesday wouldn't have killed me nearly as hard. And most of my Wednesdays haven't been this easy. If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if there was some collusion going on between my trainer and my coach. Which would be terrifying.

I made the dog run with me, because he needed to be walked anyway.

The run was just what I needed. It was hard, but that good kind of hard, a deep stretch. Harder than 15 minutes had any right to be, that's for sure. I could feel my legs. It wasn't pain. It was just...there.

This is how I talk to my trainer, too. Things like "I'm more aware of my elbows during this exercise." What does that even MEAN? I don't know. I do my best to describe things with the words I have. I don't always know what I'm feeling.

Last night's run was. I don't know. It felt like amateur hour on my legs. An easy 10 minute mile was rough. Not impossible rough. Not just ran a marathon yesterday rough. More like when was the last time I felt THAT muscle when I ran? rough.

It was just what I needed. Even if it wasn't the impressive run I was hoping for.

Oh, here is a picture of the cat, so she doesn't get left out.

====================

Last night's crock pot meal was herbed lemon garlic chicken. It was fine, but not so impressive that I need to pimp the recipe. It could be done better.

I took a picture anyway, because look at how fucking big that sweet potato is.

The best thing about training is that I ate all of it, no problem. The worst part about training is I go from zero to FUCKING STARVING at random points during the day. Sometimes my stomach will be full, but my body will start DEMANDING FOOD NOW. There's not much I can do about that, since I'm probably not going to start chugging olive oil. But I should probably start making sure I include enough fat in every meal. I think I'm doing okay, but it won't hurt to keep an eye on it.

PB =/= Peanut Butter

2012-01-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

In case your forgot how stupid I look all the time:

It dawned on me Monday that I really, really look forward to my personal trainer sessions, as a "break" from my tri training.

It made me worry a little bit. I almost, almost emailed my trainer and told him we needed to work harder if I was thinking of his sessions as rest days.

But, I didn't. He read my mind anyway. He has a way of doing that.

I walked into last night's session brain tired. I walked out more physically exhausted than I've been in a long, long time. And I hardly broke a sweat.

Deadlifts.

I fucking love deadlifts.

Love.

They're hard. And they're awesome. And they're REAL. People do this shit to prove how strong they are. I feel like I'm doing real weight lifting stuff when I deadlift.

So, I rolled in to the session last night.

Me: I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired
Him: You're always tired.
Me: I know.
Him: How tired are you?
Me: I'll be fine once we start working out.
Him: Good. Because we're doing deadlifts.

yay.

And we did.

And it was awesome.

And I hit a new personal best. 170lbs.

It was hard. And it wasn't pretty. But my form was spot on, and that's what makes it count.

That took up a good chunk of the session. Working up to it. Making sure I didn't psych myself out.

And then we took a break to try to do hand stands and hand stand push ups. I cannot throw my legs up and get myself in a hand stand position on my own. It would be funny if it weren't kind of sad. Something to work on. When my arms and legs don't ache anymore.

We ended with:

x4
20 reverse lunges with dumbbell curls
15 push ups
5 (per side) bells up strict presses (holy shit hard!)

x2
planks (55sec, 60sec)

I had to use chalk during the strict presses. And then I groped my own ass.

======================

I came home to this pile of amazingness waiting for me in the crockpot (with peanut butter and soy sauce because I am a modern woman, not a paleolithic man). I piled it on some lettuce, added bell pepper, apple, cilantro, carrot, and lime juice, and ate the shit out of it. This pork would work on anything. In a sandwich, just a mountain of meat on a plate, however you want to eat it. Shit, the sauce it was cooked in would work for anything. YUM.

I'm trying to use the crock pot every night this week. For fun. Monday's crock pot dinner was fine, but wasn't worth repeating or linking to recipes or anything. But this? Gold. Delicious, meaty gold. And I'm sure it will be delicious for lunch today, too.

===================

I am loving this season of The Bachelor. Courtney is amazing in her manipulations. I love her. I still see women who I'm like "who the fuck is this?" Clearly I'm paying close attention. Why do they always show the fun, silly clips only at the end? Those tend to really show the personality and, dare I say it, connections. Make the whole show like that!

On the flip side, The Biggest Loser, while also filled with drama, is a total snooze fest. I also don't recognize most of these people, except with nicknames like "pepperoni nipples" and "crazy bitch" and "santa." Why am I still watching this show? Oh, the olympic weight lifter girl. I have a minor crush on her.

Garmin? Try Gar-MOAN

2012-01-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not the smartest person.

I want to make that clear.

BUT. My Garmin's default for intervals was 01:00:00. It seemed reasonable to assume that, for intervals, it made more sense to read this as one minute instead of one hour.

So.

I was scheduled to run 20 minutes today, with three intervals of 1 min ALL OUT, 2 minutes jog.

And...I thought I had set that on my Garmin. Because instead of tracking down the manual and looking it up, I just made assumptions.

Assumptions that led me to narrowly avoid running in to telephone poles as I sprinted down a shockingly narrow sidewalk and squinted at my watch. So, my ALL OUT wasn't exactly an ALL OUT.

But, I got going pretty fast.

(this is zoomed in to just the intervals so it's easier to see my wicked awesome pace, yo)

I need to find a track. Or, at the very least, a place where I can sprint without worrying about cracks in the sidewalk or running in to vehicles or muddy puddles or that one fucking mailbox in my neighborhood that sticks out onto the sidewalk at exactly fucking FACE LEVEL in a dark stretch of road. Holy shit you guys. Every time I run in my neighborhood I miss running face first into a mailbox by, at best inches. Once, it was fucking open and I could feel is breeze past me as I ducked out of the way at the last minute. Yes, my fault for forgetting it exists every time. But still.

Yeah, there are parks, but with those come people, and people dodging can get treacherous. I need to find a track. Because this sprinting thing? I think if I can turn off my brain and not worry about hazards, I think I could go pretty fast.

Regardless, I got my HR up to 198. I could have pushed harder, but I was paranoid. Oh, and the first sprint started right as a bus was pulling away. So I had a bus driver starting to pull over again for me. I was able to make it clear that I was not in need. Sorry for the confusion, bus driver dude.

==============

Last night I wore my HR monitor to bed to figure out my resting heart rate.

1. It's difficult to go to sleep when I'm thinking about going to sleep because I'm testing what something's going to be like when I sleep.
2. It's neat to see my HR elevated every time I woke up during the night. Also, I need to figure out how to sleep through the night.
3. My HR while sleeping stayed in the high 40s to low 50s for the most part. I don't fully know what that means, but it seems to fall into the "athletic" category for women my age. Which is cool, since I don't think of myself as an "athlete."

=============

How do you define "athlete"? Someone who does athletic things? For fun? Someone who competes in events? Is it a job title? A way to describe anyone who sweats for fun?

I feel like athletes are people who truly compete in events. They train to win.

I train to play. I don't know what I'd call myself.

Miles and Mash

2012-01-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday was my day off from working, which, of course, made me want to work out. Stupid body.

Instead, I threw myself into housework. The main bathroom got a top to bottom cleaning. The top of the medicine cabinet was disgusting. I'm not entirely sure anyone had cleaned it since it had been installed, long before we moved in.

I took care of the dishes, did a bunch of laundry, scrubbed some stains out of the living room carpet, and fixed a pair of pants that had been in my "to sew" pile for over a year. I also mapped out crockpot plans for every night of this week. It was a super productive day, and I never had to change out of my pajamas. My life is thrilling, I know.

Sunday I went grocery shopping, threw some crap in the crockpot, and hopped on my bike trainer.

20 miles, middle 10 HARD.

UG.

I know this is good practice. The bike part of my tri is 10 miles. And, if it were easy, it wouldn't be training, it would be dicking around. My coach told me "The hard biking never gets easier; you just go faster." It's simple, but I like it. And it makes sense. The speed I'm going may feel easier, but that just means I need to go faster.

My husband and brother were watching some football games on the tv, so I holed up in the guest room with my laptop and watched an episode and a half of The Dresden Files on Hulu. The series is not nearly as good as the books, so I'm not surprised it was canceled quickly. It didn't help that I had to turn on closed captioning. My bike training is super loud, and my laptop is not.

The front of my shirt appeared to be 100% damp.

The back at least had a few patches of dry fabric.

I love the stripe on the side of the shorts. I assume it would make me more visible if I ever nutted up and biked on the street again. Too many damn stop signs and street lights for me right now. Plus, I'm lazy.

Before I hopped in the shower I decided it was time to trim my hair. By myself. Clearly I am a genius. But, it didn't turn out terrible. At least I got rid of the raggedy ends. I'm set for another 14 months, or however long it's been since my last trim. Clearly I put a lot of thought, time, and effort into my appearance. But, if I put effort into my hair, what next? People might expect me to *gasp* wear make up or something? And then I'd actually to have to get out of bed more than five minutes before I left the house. Fuck that. I don't need to look pretty.

Once I was clean I decided to make cauliflower, carrot, and parsnip puree.

A small plate to taste everything (mostly because I had filled up on hummus and crackers and didn't have room for a huge, heaping plate. That came later). That's the puree plus a white bean, sausage, and kale thing. Not a stew. Not a soup. Just a crock pot thing.

And then my husband I tortured the dog.

Overall, a pretty swell weekend.

One Of "Those People"

2012-01-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I felt like this:

I really should have just hunted down that gif, because I'm giggling watching it.

But I didn't. I went through the motions of the day. I wasn't really sad. But I wasn't happy. I wasn't anything. Maybe a little bit tired. Maybe a little bit bored. Mostly gray. An absence where my normal joy for the day would be.

While I was setting up my bike trainer I was wondering what was wrong with me.

I never did figure it out, because I started biking.

5 minute warm up
1 min just left foot
1 min just right foot
1 min just left foot
1 min just right foot
1 min norm
10 mins HARD
10 min recovery

And then I sat there, on the coffee table, next to my bike trainer, dripping sweat and grinning. The bike was tough. Pedaling with one foot sucks major balls. During the "hard" section I cranked up the gears for the first time (finally!), keeping it above 21mph, whimpering a few times, yelling a few times. My quads were pissed. But it will get better. With practice. And the cool down. 18mph became a recovery pace.

And then there I was. Done. Dripping. And full of joy, light, life, happiness. Everything that had been missing all day was just pouring out of me.

And I realized. Feeling down? Go for a run! Which means. One of "those people."

My friends confirmed I've been like this for years. My husband told me I was an addict.

Who cares. I felt great. I still do. Endorphins are cool, man.

Endorphins and a metric fuckton of sweat.

The End.

================

In other news, I'm running Ragnar this spring with a bunch of rando people I met online, and Aspaeris is one of our sponsers. In addition to giving us free shorts so everyone's ass can look as good as mine during the relay, they're offering 50% off their shorts for everyone.

The code for the sale is "cooleronline". Because we're all lamer in person. Well, I am.

I don't have my free pair of shorts yet, so I can't tell you if they're awesome, or if they promise you love, steal your wallet, and leave. I just know they're having a sale. And I'm supposed to tell you about it. So, boom. Done.

Sky's The Limit

2012-01-20T07:00:00.000-08:00

My brother Sky is carless right now (he sold his car to fund a European honeymoon for 5 months), so sometimes he is subject to the whims of those of us with cars.

Last night he was my burden. He gets along well with my trainer, so I took him along with me. After enough mocking and cajoling, we convinced him to do circuits with me.

He kept up pretty well.

We talked about:

-tartar sauce flavored edible underwear
-restaurants that make you shit your pants
-shitting your pants in general

The Workout

x2
20 kb swings (20kg)

x5
1 minute bike
10 deadlifts (95lbs)
10 chest press (two 35lb dbs)
10 squat and rows
10 (per side) step ups
10 curls (two 15lb dbs)
1 minute treadmill (7-8mph)

x3
partner planks with 25 hand slaps
15 per side one leg foot touch crunches.

By the end of it, Sky left a sweat shadow.

"Hang on Sky, I have to take a picture of my sweat."

"And, um, the sweat on my...back?"

On the way home we stopped by a side of the road taco truck. "I'd like, um...twenty tacos."

"For here or to go?"

Apparently taco truck guy thought I was going to sit there and eat 20 tacos.

No. I was splitting them with Sky and my husband. I worked out hard, but not 20 tacos hard. Just 6 or 7 tacos hard. Side of the road tacos are the best. I love southern California.

Swim, Run, DONE

2012-01-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life deals you complicated, deep questions.

Like, which came first, the chicken purse, or the bacon and egg bag? (spoiler alert: the egg)

And, why do I have two bags that are food-oriented?

I had a 30 minute run and a 25 minute swim scheduled last night. I decided to park at the swim club and run around there, since it's hilly and pretty, and I was supposed to take it easy. What better place to have a relaxed run than a strange, hilly place? Yeah.

I started out slow. And then I started to feel amazing.

The thing is, regardless of speed, the run was easy. My lungs were burning, but everything felt so....right. Everything clicked. It was just as easy to keep going at my pace than to slow down. So, I kept it up. And, got a little lost, hence running slightly longer than 30 minutes. I felt awesome. THIS is what runs are supposed to do. Fix all your problems. Make you feel like a bad ass.

And then it was time to swim. More importantly, with 25 minutes of easy pool time, it was time to teach myself how to flip kick.

Um.

1. I felt stupid/weird/lame. I kept getting water up my nose and hitting my head on the lane dividers.

2. Dizzy. Disoriented. Panicky.

Ug.

These things take practice.

So, I dragged myself out of the pool. And dragged myself through the shower. And dragged myself home. No camera. I tried to take some pictures pre-swim, but there was another woman in the locker room, and non of my covert attempts worked out. You know what I look like in that swimsuit by now.

So, awesome, affirming run. Crappy swim. So it goes. So it goes.

I Am A Humming Bird

2012-01-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

Both my trainer and my tri coach have commented on how high my heart rate gets when I work out.

If I'm doing any sort of sprinting, my HR hits 200. Last night I was jumping from 120 to 185 during kettle bell work.

Having a heart rate monitor is neat!

Next I need to figure out my resting heart rate, and see if I test my max heart rate. I'm not sure how knowing either of those numbers will help me in the long run, but it's fun right now, and gosh darnit, that's what exercise is about. FUN!

So, it's been a few days. Sunday I ran. I told you guys about that. Okay, Monday! Monday I was supposed to put 45 minutes in on the bike. Instead, I went to dinner with my dad, uncle, and step-grandma.

If that living room looks familiar (and it really shouldn't unless you're some kind of freakmo) it's because they use my step-grandma's house as the mother's house on the HBO show Enlightened. They were super pleased when Laura Dern won the Golden Globe. I had never seen the show, so we watched the first episode. Let me tell you, it is freaking WEIRD to watch a tv show that is filmed in the room in which you are sitting. WEIRD. I can't imagine living in a house your whole life, then seeing that house every week on tv.

Anyway, I didn't do dick Monday in terms of exercise. Two rest days in one week. Salad days, folks. Life is good.

Except, that means doubling up.

Last night I hit the kettlebells with my trainer, then went home and sat on my bike trainer. And died. Okay, not really, but it was a little bit exhausting. I don't know how people with exercise addictions do it, man. Crazy.

The Workout

(you can kind of match things up with the HR chart above. fascinating!)

x5
20 kb swings (20kg)
rest as long as it took my trainer to do 20kb swings with his 80lb kb

x5 (16kg bell)
5 one handed swings
5 cleans
5 one bell squats
repeat on other side
30 seconds rest

x4
10 snatches per side
10 push ups with opposite arm/leg lifts at the top (my hr dropped a ton for these)
30 seconds high knee running in place

That high knee running. That shit's a BITCH. Damn.

My sweat streaks look like ribs.

I feel like this is the least flattering butt picture I have ever taken (and not deleted). I can't pinpoint why. And I don't know why I'm posting it anyway, except that I don't really care. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get discovered as the next great ass model via this blog (maybe in person. Note to self: do more naked jogging in high traffic areas), and I'm already married, so I don't need to impress anyone except my husband, who gets to see this in person (and sadly, does not seem super turned on when I'm dripping sweat and smelling like deli sandwiches, wtf is up with that? Oh, yeah, sweat smells bad. As soon as the internet develops smell-o-vision I'm going to have to drastically change the focus of this blog and perhaps, idk, come up with ...*gasp* CONTENT. Until then, never fear, I will continue to rock out with my....sweat out? Sorry, my brain has gone black in opposition to SOPA today.) Oh shit, I don't remember where I was before that parenthetical novel started.

Um.

And then I biked.

Yeah, that sounds right.

45 minutes.

I didn't wear my garmin. I didn't keep track of distance. I watched the Bachelor (I still can't tell people apart, but the model kind of looks like a cave woman). I played around with keeping my foot parallel to the floor. I worked on pulling with my foot during the upstroke. I tried to remember what other awesome advice I got last week from you guys, but couldn't. Oh well. It went fine. Time in the saddle. Thrilling shit here.

"Failed" Runs

2012-01-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

Background:

I ran three miles Friday. Felt awesome.

Ran the same three miles tonight.

Tonight's run was faster. So, why does it feel like a failure?

Okay, maybe "failure" is too strong a word.

Overall, the run was fine. I'm going to try to keep that in mind. The numbers were fine. The last (recovery) mile was pretty good.

The hard mile? That's where the failure comes in.

I went in to the run not really wanting to do it. I didn't eat enough at the right times during the day. And then I ate right before I ran. I was frustrated and annoyed before I even started. And I didn't want to do it. No reason. I just wanted to be lazy.

It wasn't a good place to be, mentally or physically. But, shit, I've started out some of my best runs in similar situations.

So, what happened?

That hard middle mile? That's the mental mile. That's the mile where I have to push, even through it's rough. That's the mile where I have to focus on my breathing, REALLY focus on it, so I don't start gasping. That's the mile where the little voice in my head tells me I can just slow down and it will be okay. And normally I push through that voice.

Yeah. Tonight I just let go. I let myself slow down. I let my breathing get ragged. I let the run get the best of me.

=====================

In other news I spent a month's rent at REI this afternoon. I now have waterproof hiking boots, underarmor tights for cold weather hiking, and this backpack.

I am ready to conquer some hills.

=====================

Tomorrow I have some quality time to spend with my bike, working on technique, thanks to some good advice dispensed by you.

Speaking of good advice, any suggestions for nutting up when you're mentally slipping on a run?

Scumbag Blogger

2012-01-13T18:52:00.000-08:00

My Eyes Are Bigger Than My Stomach

2012-01-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

I pride myself in making awesome grocery trips. My cart is normally filled with fresh veggies, chunks of meat, and little else. Unless I'm seeking out beans, I tend to stick to the outer aisles. I crave fresh fruit and rare meat most of the time.

Except when I'm training. Last night, while wandering through the grocery post-swim, I found myself grabbing discount Christmas candy, brownie bites, salami, and these:

These are things I chose to "snack" on for the drive home. The paper bag is filled with those amazing breaded and fried potato wedges. They remind me of my mom. That's weird, I know, but they do.

Clearly, I was starving. And craving terrible things.

Yes, I ate every single thing on the drive home. The upside is, that's all I needed. There is no down side. It was delicious. If you want healthy recipes go to epicurious or something.

=======================

Trainer Workout

Warm up: 20 kb swings (16kg)

x5
20 kb swings (20kg)
30 seconds rest

x5
5 (per side) snatches
15 push ups with opposite arm/leg raises at the top
10 box jumps

6 chest presses (95lbs)
12 curls (two 12lb dbs)
5 chest presses (95lbs)
12 curls
4 chest presses (95lbs)
12 curls
3 chest presses (95lbs)

95lbs is a PB by 15lbs. My trainer wasn't sure I'd be able to do one. Proved him wrong. Fuck yeah. 45lbs to go before I can bench my body weight. But, 45lbs is a long way to go.

===========================

My arms were SO tired. But, I needed to head to the pool to swim.

I'm still going to the fancy pants Calabasas pool. It's $1 more per trip, and the money isn't going to a school. But, I rarely have to split a lane, the locker room is clean, and there are no shitheel kids fucking around in my lane. So, I think it's worth it to me.

I will keep posting pictures of myself in this bikini until it stops being awesome. AQUAMAN!

100m easy
100m hard (2:05)
10 minutes la la la la la
100m hard (1:54)

(I never, ever look good post run. The puffy goggle eyes paired with a swim cap just isn't a good look for me. So, if I make an ugly face, it's an excuse for looking bad, right?)

Sweet. I just had to really focus on pushing myself, really PUSHING myself. I need to do the same thing with my biking.

Running comes more naturally to me. It's mentally the easiest for me to push myself while running. Maybe that's because I unlocked some sort of "faster runner" achievement in the last few months. I'm sure pushing past that will be mentally harder, but right now it's mentally easy, and just physically hard.

Swimming is next easiest, mentally. This is mostly likely because it's short bursts of speed, and then I can relax. When I'm trapped in the pool (or a race) for long periods of time I spend most of it just thinking about how much I suck at swimming.

Biking. *sigh* I have a lot of trouble pushing myself on the bike. A big chunk of that is because it's this world of unknown. I'm afraid of...running out of steam? I don't know. My coach has told me that as long as I'm plopping my ass on the bike in front of my tv I shouldn't be afraid of pushing myself. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? I push too hard and have to pull back? OH DARN, right? Yeah. Mental game. Plus, biking is hard, man. It makes my quads hurt.

But, I don't have to think about biking for a few days. Tonight, I run. Tomorrow, I rest. I have earned the shit out of this rest.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2012-01-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

I did not want to work out today. Not even one bit. I was fine at work, but as soon as 5pm hit I wanted to curl up and go to bed. Still catching up on sleep I guess.

But, not an option. So, I headed to the pool.

20 minutes. Easy.

I spent half the swim thinking about how much I hate swimming and how much I suck at it and how I don't want to do triathlons.

The second half of the swim I spent thinking about how I would fit more training in for a long triathlon.

Yeah. 20 minutes can be a long ass time.

I forgot to pack my flip flops, and I wasn't going to put my stupid boots back on, so I walked back to the car like this. Pure class.

===============

Next up, bike time! That exclamation mark is a lie. I still wanted to curl up and go to sleep. I smelled like chlorine. I couldn't be bothered to tie shoes, so I biked in my house slippers.

30 uneventful minutes later.

Oh, you see my brother on the bike?

Shoeless, he still kicked my ass. And he's not training. Ug.

Ug. Ug. Ug. That sums up my feelings right now. I'm tired. I need to work more with gears on the bike. I've been ignoring that, which means I haven't been pushing myself hard enough. I wore myself out this weekend, too.

How Do You Define Lazy?

2012-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

I consider myself lazy.

I know how it sounds. I do.

Let's back track. My grip strength sucks. This makes kb swings difficult when my palms get sweaty. My shoulders are tight. This makes Turkish get ups difficult when the weight gets heavier. There are ways to improve these things, but they require small, daily movements. Homework.

My trainer and I have talked about me doing homework for months. I have the things at home I need (a broom, because I'm a woman, and women clean! And those squeezy grip things).

But I am lazy. When I get home from work I want to stare at the tv for 6 hours and go to bed. Heaven. Of course, this is rarely an option. If I'm lucky, I work out before I get home. Having a training schedule and a training coach helps a lot, because I feel like I "have" to get my workouts done. Shame is a great motivator. When I'm not training for something, well. I get lazy.

So, I have to work out when I get off of work. Because I'm training. And after I work out, I have to eat. And, usually, eating requires cooking. It's good when I plan ahead (last night I had a mount of crock pot deliciousness waiting for me when I walked in the door). Sometimes I don't. And we have taco truck for dinner. (My husband almost always gets home after I do because he has a sucky commute, so it doesn't make sense to force him to cook me dinner when he gets home) And the dog needs to be walked. This is why cats are better. No walking.

Anyway, life is hard you guys. And all I want to do is watch tv and eat salty things and sleep. Because I'm lazy.

Yeah, I don't know. My brain is too lazy to keep this going.

=============

We Talked About

-Me kicking the EMT's asses during the hike
-Hiking safety in general
-Learning how to ride a bike
-How much everything we did sucked (mostly because I was still tired from Monday's hike)
-Buying hiking stuff at REI
-Cutting off your pant leg and using it to wipe your ass after shitting in the woods

============

(whenever I pose like this I'm reminded of Momento)

The Workout

4 turkish gets up per side (16kg)
15 squat and rows
3 get ups per side (16kg)
15 squat and rows
1 get up per side (20kg!!!)
15 squat and rows

x5
20 kb swings (20kg)
30 second rest

x3
45lb per arm farmers walks
15 per side..um..things where I catch a medicine ball on one side hip, rotate it to the other hip, rotate it back, and throw it at my trainer.

x2
60 second plank
15 per side sit ups with one leg in the air where I have to sit up and grab my foot.

===============

Can we talk about "Chism" on Biggest Loser? Does anyone else think his friends all call him Jizzum, and Chism is his "safe" version that he tells his family? Like, maybe he was caught jizzing on some kid's backpack during a school trip in middle school? Yeah.

HIKE!

2012-01-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I drove out to Palm Springs with three EMTs and hiked Cactus to ~~Clouds~~ Tram.

We started too late, and encountered too much slippery snow to make it to the summit before dark (let alone come the six miles back down to catch the tram). So, we settled for 11 miles, 8,400 feet of elevation gain, and 6.5 hours of hard as shit hiking. Hard as shit. My EMT/firefighters were dragging behind me. And they're in excellent shape.

Yes, I'm bragging. I don't get to do it often, but when I do it, I BIG DO IT.

This was a few miles into the hike. The tallest point there? That's where we ended up. Yup.

It was desert and cactus for the first few miles. Then, boom. Snow.

Which meant that I went from this:

To this:

(And still had to borrow gloves, and got really cold if I stopped moving)

But we made it to the top, where pork rinds awaited us.

Fucking delicious.

Wes packed in tiny bottles of wine. This is the only swig I took.

Wes slipped his in a glove and finished it on the tram.

It was an awesome, difficult, hilarious, exhausting, beautiful, cold day.

The End.

Trails and Bikes and Lost (And Found) Kitties, Oh My!

2012-01-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to take Saturday as a rest day, and bike 20 miles on Sunday. Friday night my brother called me up and asked if I wanted to do a run with him Saturday morning. I'm a sucker for a good run with my brother, so I agreed.

3 miles and 1,500 feet later I found myself panting, being pushed around by the wind, on the top of a mountain. 12 minutes later my brother caught up with me. And then we headed back down.

The black arrow is, as best as I can tell, where we ended up. But, maybe not. I'm not good at this.

This guy was using a gold club as a walking stick.

At this point in the run my brother was not visible on any of the trails behind me.

Still not visible behind me.

Twelve minutes later, he makes it to the top.

I gloated about that for the rest of the run. Because dude. DUDE. Admittedly, I fucking ROCKED that hill. It had some majorly steep places and I owned them.

On the way down we passed this guy. That is one of those water cooler jugs strapped to his back. It was almost full, and sloshing.

We paused near the bottom do lift some rocks (Sky's idea).

Don't drop it. Don't drop it.

Six miles later we were back to the car.

The End.

========================

In an effort to honor my "I need a full rest day," I moved my bike training to Saturday night. I was tired all day, but it had to be done.

5 miles normal
10 miles hard (19-20 mph)
5 miles normal

It took me an hour and six minutes. That speaks well of erring closer to 20mph during the "hard" section.

And it was hard. It was fucking HARD. Mentally. My quads burned and my hips felt sore and it sucked. It sucked to keep pushing and pushing, knowing I had miles and miles to go. And through the 10 miles it just got harder and harder. I thought about slowly down. I thought about taking an "easy" mile five miles in, then pushing it again. And then I thought about writing my tri coach an email explaining that I was a giant pussy who couldn't handle her assigned work. And I pushed on. Shame is a good motivator.

Yeah, I may have sweat a little bit.

Just a little.

Sometimes the harder things are, the better they feel.

=============================

Saturday night our cat took off into the night. I wasn't concerned until a few hours had passed, and she was nowhere to be found. I forget that our cat is not the country cats I grew up with. I won't be making that mistake again.

Yesterday a neighbor knocked on our door. She could hear our cat between her brick fence and our ivy color chain link fence. The dog helped us pinpoint exactly where the cat was. Wire cutters helped us set her free. She spent the rest of the night cleaning herself. Poor kitty.

Hey Sanka, You Dead Mon?

2012-01-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

No, mon. Just spent.

I was scheduled for 30 minutes, with five 1 min sprint, 1 minute recovery somewhere in the middle.

Sprints are clearly visible.

First, my outfit was not awesome. I'm not very smart when it comes to dressing for the weather, and I have a constant fear of being cold. So, a few minutes in to the run I was already too warm. BUT, I needed to keep the sweater on.

I didn't want to be having to check my Garmin for times during my sprints. That's a recipe for dripping and face planting on the pavement. I wouldn't be so paranoid if I hadn't done it twice before. I had a HIIT app on my phone, do I set it to beep every minute for ten minutes, 15 minutes in. That way I could totally be on auto pilot.

It didn't stop me from checking my watch when I thought I was going to die. Ha. But, I didn't trip.

Also, the matching was totally by accident. Score.

My breathing is definitely holding me back. But, sprints like this will help increase my v02 max (I think?). I will always be a work in progress.

Confession: So, for the past two weeks I've been putting my HR monitor on like a dress, raising my arms and sliding it over my head.

Today, for the first time, and totally by accident, I discovered this:

Um, yeah. Not the brightest bulb. But, hey, life just got easier. Score!

Seriously? I Have To Think Of Another Post Title?

2012-01-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

We Talked About:

So, the guy who owns the garage where we work out has four kids. The youngest, Ethan, is...oh man...7? I'm terrible with kid ages. Anyway, he was playing around in the garage while we worked out, being hilarious and shit. He was fucking around on the treadmill, walking backwards and crawling on it. We tried to get him to do wheelbarrows (we even demonstrated it, which may have given my trainer some evil ideas), but he wasn't having any. We spent more of the session making fun of him.

The Workout:

5 deadlifts @95lbs
5 deadlifts @115lbs
3 DL @ 135lbs
1 DL @ 155lbs
1 DL @165lbs*

*Okay, so I lifted this weight, but my form was poor enough that I'm not comfortable counting it as my personal best. I'll get there.

x4
10 16kg goblet squats with curls at the bottom
20 side lunges with should presses (two 10lb weights)
25 (per side) one leg bridges

x4
10 (per side) elbow to knee front squat with 16kg kb racked on one arm

The End

=====================

I'd rather lift right than lift heavy.

Oh, we also talked about protein shakes. My default setting has been "creepy." Weird ingredients. Just eat food that has protein in it. My trainer says that using protein shakes after workouts something something absorbs better something something.

"Will I be get stronger if I drink protein shakes after we work out?"

He didn't have an answer.

"Will I feel less sore?"

He didn't have an answer.

So, I told him to do his homework, and make me understand protein shakes.

I'm of the "get it from the source, yo!" frame of mind. But, that's not always the best way, in this world, in this life. I'm trying to be open about it, because I know my frame of mind is coming with a huge lack of education and understanding.

Do you guys have opinions on protein powders/shakes? Share your knowledge with me. I like to learn and shit.

Lift and Swim

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

We Talked About:

Creating a product called "The Hands Of God" that cup your balls while you watch TV.

That's mostly what we talked about. Oh, and my trainer did a Turkish get up with his new 80lb kettlebell. And let me video tape it.

The Workout:

2 per side 16kg get ups
X5 20 kb swings (16kg,16kg,16kg,20kg,2kg)
3 get ups per side

5 clean and presses per side

Working on cleans in general since I'm STILL having issues with them. Blarg.

3x
10 curl and press
12 tricep extensions

x3
12 push ups
15 squat and rows

x3
45 second planks

========================

After training I headed to the pool to get 20 minutes of swim in, and test out my new bathing suit.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time, ten minutes in, trying to get my goggles to stop leaking. I'm giving this pair one more time before I throw them away. I'm in a throwing shit away mood.

If you want an ass shot you'll have to look a little closer.

The swim was uneventful. My arms were tired. I used my pool time to plan out what I was making for dinner (boiled potatoes in some weird southern seasoning, a pile of raw veggies, and tilapia), and worrying about the functionality of the new living room layout I had in a dream last night. Quality shit right there.

This picture was covert as shit, since I was no alone in the locker room. And I don't want to get thrown out of some fancy ass swim club trying to take a bathroom self portrait. I would feel like the biggest lamewad ever.

========================

Tonight I'm back with my trainer. Back to back days. Fun! And tomorrow I'm doing running intervals. That's actually going to be awesome.

I've hit the infuriating part of training, where I get ravenously hungry, a straight up primal hunger, when my stomach still had enough food of it. It's not the dizzy, stomach churning hunger when you go too long without eating. It's some sort of deep, raw, FUCKINGFEEDME type of hunger that blocks out everything else.

And I'm full of nervous energy all the time. Tapping my foot. Bouncing my leg. While dead fucking tired.

Now I just wait for the stage in training where I fall to bed exhausted each night, and sleep all the way until the alarm the next morning. Soon, I hope. Soon.

Flexible Plans and The Bachelor

2012-01-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

Around 4:30pm yesterday I got a call from my trainer. "There's a leak in the garage, can we reschedule for tomorrow?" Of course I said yes. And then we signed up together for a mud run in June, because that's how I roll.

Moving my training session meant moving tonight's workouts. My home base pool is still closed, and my new pool is in the opposite direction of my house. It dawned on me that I had a bathing suit in my car! (Why? As best I can recall, I carried it around in my purse for a while, then realized it was in there in my car, and pulled it out. Why was it in my purse? Not a clue.) It wasn't a lap swimming bathing suit by a long shot, but I only had to clock 20 minutes in the pool, so it would hold up. I was on my way out of the office come clothing time when it hit me that I didn't have goggles. I waffled back and forth, and decided I could do 20 minutes without goggles. I was driving to the pool when it dawned on me that I was towelless. No goggles? Fine. NO TOWEL? Fuck that shit. Being wet and cold? No, thank you.

So swimming will come after training today. No big deal. My plan allows for flexibility. I can't touch my toes, but I can re-arrange my schedule with ease.

The first thing I did when I got home was to create my "Exercise Emergency Kit."

Nothing in the kit is in my regular rotation, so nothing will be missed. But, no, no matter where I am, if I have my car with me, I'm good to go.

I threw it in the back of my car and hopped on the bike trainer.

I had 20 minutes. It was supposed to be easy, but since I wasn't pairing it with anyway, I played around a bit. Well, for the first minute I had to fix the reader on my bike computer, so that was a junk minute.

I gave myself 5 minutes to warm up. Then, I raised gears and busted my ass until I hit 180bpm on my heart rate monitor, then biked normally until 2.5 minutes had passed. I did this four times. I was just dicking around. Nothing like this is anywhere on my schedule. My HR on the bike had been sort of mellow before, so I wanted to push it.

It was a good 20 minutes. 6.14 miles. Not too shabby.

========================

Monday the new season of The Bachelor started. I didn't realize this until yesterday, so I started watching it on the bike, and kept watching it while I was done.

I won't be doing a Bachelor Workout this season because I'm focused on tri training. But I'm still going to watch the shit out of it.

First Impression (From) Rose

Blogger Girl is crazy.

I don't want to like the model. I really don't. But I do.

The science chick? I enjoyed her rap. Ashamed. But I couldn't pick her out of a crowd. 25 women who all kind of look like shiny whores? Yeah, impossible to tell them apart. I'll probably start up my cheat sheet next week.

Ben is winning me over. I have appreciated his reactions to the women thus far. I still think they should tag teamed him with Constantine and made the women have to tell them apart to get a rose. That would have been hilarious.

Tri: Biking. Like These Titles Actually Matter.

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

45 minutes.

Avg HR: 161 bpm
Max HR: 181 bpm

Distance: IDK. My bike computer sucked a dick and gave me what I KNOW is an inaccurate distance/average pace, since I was watching my stupid pace the whole time. Oh well. It doesn't actually matter.

I watched 1,000 Ways To Die while I biked. I love that show. LOVE.

I'm testing out all the exercise clothing I own, so I can ditch shitty stuff at a clothing exchange I plan on hosting later this month. I have never worn these bike shorts before, as far as I remember. They aren't as padded as my other bike shorts, but I think I like them. Mostly, they're not black. Most of my exercise pants are black. I don't know why. That's usually just what turns up at thrift stores. I do have a pair of brown capris, in case I ever find myself in a race where I'm at risk for shitting myself. Then maybe no one will notice.

It was super sweaty. I really do need to set up a fan in my face. I keep remembering that when I'm 7 minutes in to a bike ride (that's about when the sweat starts drip drip dripping down my face). And hey, I'm finally losing that creepy orange tinge from drinking too much carrot juice.

And I enjoy the crap out of this shirt, even though it makes me look like a raging douchenozzle. Ed Hardy style and all that.

Yay stupid fashion show instead of content!

I've been sleeping like shit recently. It doesn't seem to matter when I get to bed. I wake up numerous times throughout the night for no discernible reason, and come 7:20-7:40am, I am awake for the day. NYE I went to bed after 2am. Up at 7:30. Sunday night I went to bed at 9:30pm. I refused to look at the clock the first few times I woke up, even though I was lying awake, sad and tired, for what felt like hours (but was probably only 20 minutes or so each time, if that). When I finally gave up and got up? 7:30. Fuck.

I'm hoping that come this second week of training I'll exhaust myself so thoroughly I will be unable to keep myself from sleeping through the night.

I will say, it's not like I'm getting only 3 hours of sleep a night or something? This isn't any actual form of insomnia. This is just stupid Rose getting fewer than 8 hours of sleep each night for a few weeks. I function fine. 6-7 hours of sleep never killed anyone. I just, I survive better on 8-9 hours of sleep, which sucks since I'm so easily woken up/kept up. First world problems.

Speaking of stupid problems, the sound of my dog licking his dick has got to be one of the single grossest sounds in the world. Why he insists on slobbering the shit out of himself while lying next to me baffles me. I shove him off the couch, which interrupts his pecker bath just long enough for him to hop back up and start all over again. It's not even that dirty, dog! Put your tongue away.

What else? I finally have health insurance, praise jebus. Now I can finally get a tube shoved down my throat so they can tell me they still have no idea what is wrong with me (still having tiny, minor stomach issues that wouldn't concern me at all if I didn't spend almost two full months dealing with huge stupid stomach issues).

Our Christmas tree came down without fanfare. Our living room looks much larger again, and there are no longer pine needles scattered throughout the house. Well, not nearly as many, at least. I'm sure we'll be finding them in nooks and crannies for the next few months.

But, with the holidays over, and family gone, we can return to a more normal schedule of eating and house keeping and such. We threw out a sad and shameful amount of food that was bought before Christmas and never ended up being used or finished, because we were bouncing between houses, and going out to eat. Four beautiful packs of blackberries, gone. Sad. Stupid. We suck at eating everything we buy anyway, but this was just...pathetic. I'm looking forward to home cooked meals for the rest of the week. Fresh vegetables. Shit like that. Good times.

I spent a good chunk of New Year's Day watching this guy's youtube videos:

That's probably why I have such a filthy mouth right now. That, and I'm just really tired.

NYE: A Slutfest Second Only To Halloween

2012-01-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve: The second most popular slutfest of the year.

The instructions for this picture were something along the lines of "make a slut face." I'm not sure any of us pulled it off.

But, I danced, walked around Hollywood in heels, drank half a glass of champagne, stole a bottle of tonic water from one of those reserved club tables (I like it, shut up), let some dude take a picture of my feet on the subway, and had a fantastic time. Thankfully, none of our cars were lit on fire (is this news outside of L.A.? Some assholes have lit 40+ cars on fire in Hollywood and North Hollywood. What the FUCK.).

And that was all she wrote.

2012 Race Schedule + 3 Miles

2012-01-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings 2012.

In the last two days I doubled my scheduled races in 2012.

My schedule as it currently stands:

1/28/12: Freeze your Thorns Off 5k
2/19/12: Pasadena RnR Half
3/10/12: Pasadena Triathlon
4/20/12: Ragnar SoCal
5/6/12: Safari Park Half Marathon
6/10/12: Camarillo Dualthon #1
8/12/12: Camarillo Dualthon #2
9/9/12: Camarillo Dualthon #3

Any of you assholes doing any of these?

I'd like to add another tri in (aiming for Oly length) and a 100 mile bike ride. Plus an ultra. I have four unscheduled months, so maybe I can space these out properly. But I'll probably end up doubling up on months and shooting myself in the face. So it goes.

=================

(I don't know what I'm looking at, okay? Fuck you.)

I had 3 miles on schedule, with the middle mile being "hard."

8:36, 7:11, 9:07.

I'd say that counts. It was made extra hard by a delightful bit of Los Angeles heat. 80F out there yesterday.

According to my Garmin:

Avg HR: 99 % of Max
Max HR: 109 % of Max

Well shit. Does that mean I'm dead?

Three miles is a joy to run, even if I feel like I want to pass out and die right in the middle. It's short, so it goes by quickly, and it can be fast fast fast, because it's so short. I was actively looking forward to the training run (up until I was actually out doing it. Then it sucked Harry Baals. But, I was done in under 25 minutes, which is pretty rad.

I really need to trim my hair. I'm not entirely sure if I've trimmed it since I got married. 18 months ago.

====================

I have no idea how many miles I ran in 2011. I didn't keep track in any on particular place, except here, and I'm sure as shit not going to read through all my entries with a calculator. Fewer than some people, more than others. Whatever. I had some good months and some bad months. I checked "run a shitty ultra" off my list. But I also checked "do a triathlon well" off my list, which is pretty cool. I pushed some of my limits. I started to enjoy time on the bike.

In 2012 I hope I continue to be awesome and have as much, if not more fun, as I had in 2011. Through my fitness endeavors I have met a handful of amazing people who I am honored to count as my friends, and who I hope to continue to enrich my life for many year to come. Clearly I'm talking about my EMTs. And by "enrich my life" I mean "spend time around me shirtless." Rrrrrrrow.

Anyway. Happy New Year, etc.

Tri: I Suck At Biking

2011-12-31T07:00:00.000-08:00

What I had on schedule for yesterday:

B 30 (include 5 x 1:00 out of the saddle in top gear, 2:00 recovery spin

What I thought I had on schedule for yesterday:

B 20 (include 5 x 1:00 out of the saddle in top gear, 2:00 recovery spin

Um. Yeah.

I still did the important part. And then showered, put on my pajamas, ate some food, and went to gray out the day on my training plan. And saw my mistake. And I wasn't about to hop on the bike again to add on ten junk minutes. Three days into my training plan and I already messed up. Ha ha ha ha ha.

You can see the out of the saddle bits in my heart rate.

It was weird to see my heart rate so long compared to my two runs with the heart rate monitor. I read something on the internet about how that's normal for runners who cycle.

The intervals were fucking HARD. My quads are giant pussies. They burned so bad. I straight up whimpered on the 5th one. Jeez. Gunna have to whip those puppies into shape. My legs were quivering when I got off the bike, and I was wiped out for the rest of the night.

=====================

The bike shorts were not the best for butt pictures. Will these awesome new bikinis make up for it?

Aquaman:

$20 mystery suit, aka disco ball suit.

====================

My mom left town this afternoon, so on her way out we took her to the M Cafe. It's right next to the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge. I didn't see anyone recognizable, but I had a lot of fun.

(according to my sister-in-law, an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker was filmed here, too)

My niece ate billiard chalk.

==================

Today I have a run, then I'm getting slutted up and going to some random club to dance until I cripple myself, drink until I want to go to sleep, and take the train home while freezing my ass off. It's going to be AWESOME!

Realistically, I'll be out with my favorite people. We could sit on the beach with box wine and have a great time, so I'm sure it will be a blast, no matter what happens.

Goodbye 2011. You were a good year. I hope that next year I continue to be awesome, and continue to have this much fun.

Tri: Deadlift PB and Swiiiiiiiiiiiiiimming

2011-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

On yesterday's schedule:

-training session
-pool time

The Workout

x3
10 deadlifts
10 goblet squats with a curl at the bottom

(break to test single DL lifts at higher weights)

x4
20 reverse lunges with curls at the top
12 shoulder presses
20 20" step ups

x4
20 side lunges with shoulder presses at the top
15 push ups

The End.

======================

I drove straight from the training session to the pool. I did not see any Kardashians.

My pool homework:

100m easy
100m hard (2:10)
10 minutes easy
100m hard (2:03)
100m easy

It was an asskicker. Mostly because my shoulders were tired as shit from my workout. But, hey, for this tri, the swim comes at the end, so I need to get better swimming tired.

After yesterday's bitchfest about my stupid goggles, I was pissed to find I forgot to grad a different pair. I sweat they fucking bruised my eyes last night.

Fuckers. As soon as I was done I dropped them in the fucking trash. As soon as I got home I grabbed the FOUR pairs I had in my exercise box, and threw them in my swim bag. Never again.

Here is a picture of my swimjama ass.

=======================

Once I got home I ate leftover Indian food.

And then I ate this.

What is that you say?

Chocolate caramel marshmallow bacon pie, made by a friend.

And then I was in bed by 9pm.

Triathlon Training Begins!

2011-12-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

On schedule for yesterday:

35 minute run, 25 minute swim, easy.

I opted to run before I swam. The idea of running with wet hair sounded less and less appealing as the day cooled down.

I'm sure I'll quit posting these Garmin stats at some point, but for now I find them pretty interesting. Deal with it.

I decided that "easy" for the run was going to mean trying to keep my heart rate around 175. I'm mostly making that up. Kat, at Pedal Faster gave me awesome instructions to figure out my target heart rate and stuff, but I haven't done it yet. So, 175 it was. And that worked out pretty well. Sometimes I felt like I was running too slow, and sometimes I felt like I was running too fast, but I ignored my speed and just focused on my heart rate, and it seemed to turn out fine.

After the run I was all set to head to my pool, which is only 2 miles away. But, it dawned on me that it was winter break at the school where the pool is. So, in my bathing suit, I sat on my lap top, suspicion confirmed. Fuck. So I started emailing my tri coach, explaining why I wouldn't be swimming last night. And, man, I felt like a wussy shit heel for writing that email. I mean, I was already in my fucking bathing suit, and I couldn't be bothered to try to find another pool? So, I looked. All the city pools in the Valley were seasonal except my pool. So, that was out. But, what about private pools? So, I found a Swim Club in Calabasas. And I started to email my trainer that while I wasn't going to swim tonight, I'd be able to swim there tomorrow. But I still felt like a pussy. I mean, it was only 9 miles away. Traffic was totally clear. What was my problem?

So, I discarded the email, threw on my shoes, and went to swim.

These are my swimjamas. I can slip into them soaking wet without a problem. They're warm. They're shitty, so I don't care if I get chlorine all over them. And, damn I look sexy.

But not as sexy as I look after 25 minutes of wearing the worst fucking goggles ever. So, I have a box of "workout crap" in our guest room. And for some reason I have like 5 pairs of goggles. So I grabbed a pair from the box. Huh. Never seen this pair before. I'll wear them anyway. My fucking face hurt the whole goddamn swim, and those pieces of shit leaked half the time anyway. My hopes of picking up 12 year old lifeguards post-swim were shattered. Life is hard. Never wearing those stupid goggles again. I mean, all goggles make me look like I'm 60, but this was bad.

Beyond the superficial, the swim was fine. I haven't swam since my tri in September, but I didn't forget how. For a few laps I futzed with trying to breathe on my left side. For a few laps I futzed with trying to breathe every four strokes. I focused on my head position. But, mostly I spaced out and enjoyed the warm water. The pool was huge, but there were only two other people there. Everything was super nice. The only downside was the pool was outdoors, which meant a short COLD walk from the pool back to the locker room. The upside is, it's pretty near where I train, so heading over there for a short swim tonight after working out will be awesome.

I'm glad I was able to nut up and get my scheduled training done last night. Otherwise it would have been a terrible way to kick off this training stretch.

Kettlebells and Triathlon Training

2011-12-27T19:30:00.000-08:00

Today my triathlon training starts up again. I signed up for another tri in March. Balls deep.

Technically, I got my training plan yesterday, and the first thing on it was yesterday's strength training session, but I would have done that anyway, so it doesn't count.

It was a good session. I notice I sweat less in the winter. It was between 62 and 64F in the garage. I always start in a hoodie and end in my tshirt.

My arms felt like they were going to fall off on the drive home. SO TIRED. Tired, tired arms. It's a good feeling, though, to have them feel that heavy and worn. It means I worked hard.

The Workout

x3
20 kb swings
30 seconds rest

x4
3 turkish get ups per side
10 squat and sauks (?) press

x4
12 incline rows (two 25lb dbs for the first set, then up to 30lbs)
15 squat and press

x3
10 kbs swings
10 goblet squats
5 cleans per arm

The End.

Okay, let's talk about cleans. More importantly, let's talk about my complete inability to do cleans from a swing. I can do stationary cleans. No issue there. One fluid motion. No bruising. But, when I'm coming from a swing, I cannot, for the life of me, get that damn bell to come straight up. Instead it arcs out, which means I have to pull it back, which means it thumps rudely against my forearm. I know, in my brain of brains, what I am supposed to do. I understand the physics of it. I just can't get it to translate to action.

The most frustrating part is, I've done them in the past. I'm almost certainly overthinking this.It's so, so frustrating.

But, I still walked away feeling good.

===================

There was frost on the ground this morning. I am NOT looking forward to swimming in the cold, so I'm hoping the day lights up with warmth like it has in the past. Winter is the worst time for swimming. I think I need to invest in some giant sweat suit to throw on post-pool.

I'm also debating if it makes more sense to run first, rinse off at the pool, then swim, or swim first, and run with damp hair. I guess we'll see how cold it is and how lame I am. We'll see.

===================

For the final night of Hanukkah: Candlebots, transform and light up!

Unofficial 10k PR and Christmas Recap

2011-12-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

Back in October I set a 10k PR: 51:52

Flash forward to Christmas. My husband bought me a Garmin.

Yesterday I charged it up and threw it on.

It even comes with a heart rate monitor. The scary face is all mine, though. Also, I know dick about heart rate. I should probably look that up or something.

Originally I was aiming for about three miles. I was waiting for my dad to show up, so I kept running loops in my neighborhood (side note: My "mile loop" is apparently about 0.94 miles, which explains a lot about previous runs). But, every time I jogged by my house my dad was there yet, and I felt pretty good. So I kept going. And then I hit five miles. And that's so close to 6.2 miles, it would be stupid not to keep going.

Boom.

At the tail end of mile two, my shoulder started hurting. This is a problem I used to have a lot while running. I went to a physical therapist for it last year at some point. He thought it was a combination of poor posture and tension.

I have terrible posture. But, tension? Here's the thing. I got a fancy pant massage yesterday. All my tension should have been on the last train to Clarksdale. Anyway, I slowed down my pace to work out whatever my shoulder issue was. And then I'd speed up, and then my shoulder would flare up, and then I'd slow down. But, looking at my chart, there wasn't much of a dramatic change in pace. Until that last awesome, delicious mile.

The best part about the run was, I could have kept going. I would have slowed down a bit, but I could have kept going. Which is good. I don't think I've ran this far since Halloween. It's nice to know I haven't lost everything, distance-wise. And I'm pleased as punch about the time. I spent most of my running career in the safe zone of 10 minute miles or slower (look at my marathon and half marathon PRs, for example). I just didn't push myself at all, because it seemed difficult.

So, I'm looking forward to some pushing.

===========================

Christmas.

We made cookies.

That looked like crime scene photos.

My brother Harv tormented the dog.

There was a spoon balancing contest (everyone lost).

The neighborhood lights were pretty cool.

It's not Christmas morning without Farm John's sausages and my mom's apricot rolls. I found myself at Ralph's on Christmas morning, buying 8 packages of sausage. Totally worth it.

=========================

My brother bought his kids a giant trampoline. I enjoyed it.

==========================

It was a great holiday. I love spending time with all my brothers, all at once. I wish we all lived closer so it could happen more often.

==========================

12/24/11: Rorschach's journal. December 24th, 2011: The candles are lit again. Fifth time this week. Must investigate further. Hurm.

12/25/11: I'm not left candled either.

12/26/11: This town deserves a better class of candle. And I'm gonna give it to 'em.

Meiri Christmas Eve!

2011-12-24T08:58:00.001-08:00

Reasons Why Yesterday's Run Sucked

-Even though it was only 3.1 miles it sucked the whole time and felt like it took forever.
-My lungs hurt from the get-go.
-I felt like I kept getting slower and slower.
-Every block felt more difficult.
-I didn't enjoy any part of it.
-My ankles were sweating too much.
-I spent the whole run wondering when I started sucking so bad at running and how out of shape I must be and how I hate having shitty runs, and this was just a shitty, shitty run.

Reason's Why Yesterday's Run Didn't Suck As Bad As I Thought

-Negative splits (8:31, 7:58, 7:42)
-Apparently being fast in general
-Lungs burning = lungs learning to suck less, right?

So, to humblebrag, my run felt like it sucked because I was running faster than usual. And maybe I should warm up before a run if I'm going to feel all butt hurt about my pace, since, hey, looking at my splits, it takes me a little bit to warm up. I'm coming from a background where I didn't get a shit how fast I ran. But now I kind of care. So, I need to nut up and work on it, or drop back down to not giving a shit.

I want to get faster, see, but I don't always enjoy running hard, and I don't want to put in the work. *sad laughter* Clearly I am going places in the world.

Anyway, the run wasn't the shit pile of shit that I thought it was.

Oh, I got an iFitness belt in the mail today that I won through Rad Runner. I tried it out. And, I'll try it out some more before I make up my mind.

=================================

Last night was my best friend Marla's birthday, so we got cleaned up again.

It was an evening of listening to people talk about crossfit.

===================================

It's Christmas Eve, so here are some ornaments.

Bumbles bounce!

An ornament we're going to have to start hiding in a few years.

This is a mouse trap. We acquired this during SantaCon one or two years ago.

My mom bought us this ornament the first year my husband and I lived together.

=============================

If you don't like rotting possum carcasses, you may want to scroll down quickly to the cat picture below.

Yesterday my mom and I were puttering in my front garden, which was majorly overgrown. And we found a possum carcass.

A little background: I grew up in the mountains. I've had an outhouse. I've lived with no electricity. I remember my dad stashing a deer carcass in my tree house after he went hunting. I have a little bit of hill people in me. So when my mom suggested I tear the head off and stash it somewhere to finish decomposing, so I could have a neat skull, I jumped on it.

Yup. Judge away. If I get rabies it's my own damn fault.

==========================

I like my cat best when she hears a weird noise and sits up on her hind legs to investigate. I want to put a top hat on her.

=============================

Last night's picture: Oh boy, candles!

=============================

Meiri Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and/or whatever other crap you celebrate.

My Trainer Is A Giant Asshole

2011-12-23T07:59:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I walked in to my trainer's garage, I admitted that a second cup of coffee had left me cracked out, then tired. I cannot handle my caffeine. That's pretty apparent. One cup of coffee and life is good. Plus, I like the taste. So, I start craving a second cup. We have no decaf in the office. Most days I fight the urge, but some days I give in. Cup two and I'm jacked. My body is humming along at a higher frequency. Everything is too warm and moving too slow. My stomach and my brain feel like they're being bombarded with static electricity. And then I crash.

I explained this all to my trainer. "Don't worry," he said, "I'm tired too." Uh oh. When he's tired, I usually end up having to do something awful.

And yesterday was no different. He was setting up the stations for circuits as I was warming up on the treadmill. Each and every one looked like a stomach punching good time, and I was coming down off of too-much-coffee-nausea.

The Workout

x4 (no rest)
10 bat wings (stomach on the weight bench, lifting two heavy as shit kettlebells until my shoulder blades touch, holding them, then releasing)
10 kb squats (~80lbs)
5 high box jumps
2 minutes on the treadmill at 7mph (which my trainer calls sprinting, HAHAHAHHA, no)

x4
12 chest presses (two 30lb dumbbells)
5 (per side) clean and strict press

Once we were done with this circuit we played around with chalk and heavier bells. Which is fantastic, except, when a clean isn't smooth, the bell tells to fall super heavy on the forearm.

And my forearms already looked like this, from Tuesday:

So, yeah, there was a fuck lot of fucking piece of shit cursing. Which got louder when my trainer leaned in, said "those are some nasty bruises," and then SQUEEZED MY FOREARM. MOTHER FUCK. I swung out to punch him, but he knew it was coming and stepped back. FUCK.

To make it up to me, oops, I mean, to continue being a raging a-hole, he made me finish up with planks.

x3
planks (50s, 60s, 60s)

I am getting better at them. That's refreshing. I focus a lot of my breathing, and recite lines from a play I did in high school as a distraction. It totally helps. Well, it helped the first two times. The third time, AC/DC's "Ain't No Fun" came on the ipod and my trainer fucking skipped it. Excuse me? Every song on that album is amazing. He has patches! On his patches! On his old blue jeans! Well, they used to be blue. When they used to be new. When they used to be clean. Yelling at someone while in the middle of a plank does NOT make it easy to continue said plank. Lame.

My trainer walked me out to my car, so I couldn't get any pictures until I drove home. I don't know why my face is so orange lately. It's not like I go outside. And I definitely don't use make up or self tanner. Who knows. Too many carrots still, maybe.

Once home, most of the sweat had dried.

But I felt amazing. AMAZING. If I could bottle up how fucking good I feel after I weight lift, oh man, I would never dread a work out. All my friends would be fit and strong with me. That feeling. THAT FEELING. It's like a tiny dose of falling in love. Giddy energy.

Speaking of giddy energy:

==========================

I stash Christmas cards in our tree when I get them. I'm not sure where I picked this up. My mom certainly didn't do it. I must have seen it on some tv show, or read it in a magazine, because it's too clever for me to have thought of on my own.

==========================

This is my (Hitler) cat.

This is my husband taking a picture of my Hitler cat. We are "those people."

Also, I'm pretty sure the cat thinks her name is Kitty Pants, because that's all I call her.

==========================

Last night: Candles for all!

Bad To The Bone

2011-12-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last night was our yearly company party. My mom was also set to arrive. I wanted to go running, but I wanted to be home when my mom got there. Hopefully I'll get another treadmill soon so this isn't an issue. Instead, I hopped on my bike.

(my knees look like faces)

I managed to get out six solid miles, averaging 18mph, before my mom arrived. I know this sounds like a big old "duh," the more I ride the bike trainer, the easier it gets to go faster. I'm slowly inching up. It's a good feeling, this getting better at something. Slowly and slight, but better all the same.

I worked up a good sweat, but the cotton shirt absorbed it all.

I knew it was going to a short ride, so I didn't bother with my bike shorts. I'm building up my callouses again anyway, so I wasn't bothered.

================

I don't get a lot of dress wearing opportunities in the winter, so I take advantage of it when I can. And heels. Since I knew I wouldn't be standing too much. I'm a klutz in heels, but they do make my legs look good, so whatever. I can bust them out a few times a year.

Add a sweater.

A jacket.

And a hat.

Good to go.

For the past four years we've had our company party at an Italian place that has karoake. My M.O. is to sign up for the first song of the group, ensuring that the bar is set so low, no one else will feel bad.

Also, "Bad To The Bone" is a shitty karaoke song. The chorus is awkward and there are too many musical interludes. Even if I sounded like George Thorogood's long lost daughter, it wouldn't have been the best song to pick. I was tired and uninspired. I'll get another shot next year.

My husband also sang. He's not a great singer either, and I took a video of that, too, but this is my place to share my failures, not showcase things he's not good at. So, I'll spare you. One video of a shitty singer is enough for this blog post.

===============

Today is our last day in the office. I'm planning a nap under my desk, a good six hours of online Dominion, and I should probably hand out the rest of the bonuses. Do my job and all that. I'm looking forward to the four day weekend. Sleeping in (probably not. my internal clock hates me.) Lazing around (not likely, as we have tons of plans, and Sky decided he doesn't want to have boobs anymore, so he'll be game for some running). Food. Oh, the food. I swear, my body likely healed whatever my issue was by sheer force of will, because the food. Every Christmas morning my mom makes these amazing apricot rolls, and a giant mount of sausages. We eat and eat and lick grease and icing off our dirty, sticky paws before tearing in to a mountain of presents.

================

My husband is doing a photo a night Hanukkah series.

Tuesday night: Sword of Omens, give me light beyond light.

Last night: Light these candles if you want to live.

I Feel Fantastic!

2011-12-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

Feeling good feels GREAT.

I'm sure I'll be over this in a few days, but right now I'm reveling in the fact that I feel normal. It's lovely.

Tuesday Workout Discussion Topics

Well, first I got to watch my trainer do the heaviest deadlift of his life. And then I told him it would be funny if he shat his pants while he did it. The music was turned up really loud, so while he said "it would," I heard "I have!" I made him clarify, at which point he informed me that if he ever shat his pants, I would be the first person he would tell, because I wouldn't judge him.

We talked about my body magically getting better.

We made dozens of jokes about snatches. We talked about the difficulty of doing kettlebell swings if someone had excessively low swinging balls.

And then he made me feel how damp his clothes were from working out before I arrived. It was weird.

The Workout

x4
1 deadlift per side (16kg)
10 quadrasomething push ups (lift opposite arm and leg at the top of each one)
12 curls (two 15lb dummbells)
12 squat to overhead press (20lb medicine ball)

That took a fair amount of time, because I was whining about everything being difficult, and dragging my feet.

Then we worked on snatch form. Mostly, dropping the snatch from the top position, instead of slowly lowering it. It's really difficult to do without throwing the bell too far out in front of me. And it really, really, REALLY seems like I'm going to drop the damn bell straight on my crotch. It doesn't help that I punched myself in the crotch last week during snatches, and that was using the easy method.

The whole rest of the session was spend on form. Pulling my shoulders down. Doing the snatches at different weights to work on different things. "Pouring it out" at the top. Bending at the hips just when my forearm hips my ribs.

The upside is, my snatches are getting less and less painful. Soon I won't be bruising myself at all. At least doing snatches. I bruise myself in stupid ways all the time.

I love working on form these days. Because it helps me get better. It helps me get stronger, and lift heavier. When I'm not doing something right, the heavier the weight is, the most likely I am to injure myself. And that's the last thing I need. And MAN, it feels so good to nail a move with a heavy bell. It just...clicks. It feels right.

================

When I got home I threw on my coat and took the dog for a walk. I realized a block in that I was dressed to run. So I ran the dog. It wasn't fast, and with a big jacked on it wasn't pretty. But it felt great. I'm sure it was good for the dog, too.

================

This was me on the drive home from working out. I'm an animal. Grrrr.

================

Say what you will about the price of Lululemon pants, but damn, I do not regret buying these.

================

I have a half marathon February 19th and a reverse sprint tri March 10th. That's what I'm working toward now, with an emphasis on the tri, because half marathons happen everywhere, all the time. Dime a dozen. I don't even remember signing up, but it's on my calendar. Guess I should make sure I can run that far by then.

Get Your Head In The Game

2011-12-19T20:19:00.000-08:00

For the first time this morning, when I woke up I did not feel like a shit sandwich in a blender. I hardly felt like anything. I practically high fived myself. Okay, maybe it wasn't that dramatic. Maybe my morning route was pretty normal. And I felt tired and just...off all day.

But I did not feel dizzy. And I did not experience nausea after I ate.

FUCK YEAH.

I still didn't work out tonight, because I feel like I'm getting over something. Maybe the dizziness was some sort of stupid flu. Who knows. Whatever. As long as it stays away.

==============

I have big plans for the coming year. They have little to do with the calendar year and more to do with planning ahead, having the money, and feeling better.

The community college by my office has a masters swim class. It allows enrollment at the start of every month. I'm leaving January alone to deal with any remaining health shit that may crop up. But come February, I am going to learn how to swim well.

Speaking of rounding out my abilities, there's a pretty cool bike club that meets about 3 miles from my house every weekend. Also, inspired by the awesome adventures of Super Kate, I looked up a local cylocross club. That's on the back burner. It looks like a shitton of fun, but I have bigger things on my mind. I'm working on my friend Todd to get him to pick a century race. I feel like that would be fun.

I'd also like to do a few triathlons. There's a cute reverse tri in Pasadena. IT was the first one I ever did, totally untrained. I'd like to try it again. Maybe an Olympic. It takes a little bit more effort to find one that doesn't involve cold water. Fuck cold water.

What else? The 24 hour ultra I did is doing an 8 hour ultra. So, that. Theoretically I'll do some smaller races and try to get faster. I think I signed up for some half marathons already, too. Oh, I'm doing a Ragnar thing at some point, too.

So, yeah, next year is going to be a good year.

==================

By popular demand, baggy jean butt.

===================

Yeah, I'm all over the place. Who cares. I feel NORMAL. FUCK YEAH.

Grumpy McSickpants AKA Block'O'Text

2011-12-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

I spent the last two days dizzy and light headed. Which is even less fun than it sounds. It seems to have mostly replaced the nausea, which is not a fucking fair trade. Not even remotely. I would rather hike through the desert dry heaving than be unable to walk in a straight line when I first stand up.

I have spent the last three fucking months with one physical problem or another. It's not fucking cool.

And now I'm going to tell you about my weekend. Which was completely fucking boring, and I'm get bored just PLANNING on typing it, but you're the one sitting here reading it, hoping I say something funny or insightful I assume. There will not be a picture of my ass in this post.

Boom, not that all the readers are gone, I can talk to myself.

Um, Friday night I went to see the Muppet Movie. First I ate a hamburger since I thought I could pass out at any moment, so fuck the world, I want a goddamn hamburger. It was delicious. And then I took an anti nausea pill because hey, sometimes they work. And it kind of did, for two hours, so I consider that a win.

The movie was fine. It was a movie. I didn't watch the Muppet tv show, but I've seen enough Muppet movies and crap to know the players. It was cute, but it wasn't life changing. I wouldn't watch it again. I can't remember any of the songs.

And then I went home and went to bed, because if I'm walking around feeling like I could pass out, I may as well pass out.

Saturday I woke up hoping that the magic night fairies would fix me. Nope. So I sat around in my pajamas mentally bemoaning my life and cursing poor starving African children who have it so much better than I do. The cat peed on the tree skirt and there was nothing good on TV.

My husband and I did some last minute Christmas shopping (hint: you REALLY want to be my kid brother 6 days from now), bought some crap for ourselves (hey, we're back to being DINKs, we can throw money away as we please), and ate El Pollo Loco. Apparently, beans are back in the mix, because I didn't feel sick at all (Though, 10 hours later I vurped a single black bean up, which was...odd, to say the least).

Inbetween bouts of sitting on the couch wondering if I was going to die, I cleaned the bathroom and the guest room, so my mom doesn't think I live in a slum when she gets here Wednesday. Actually, it's more so she doesn't try to clean everything herself, because that means I get less time with her, and let's face it: my mom is fucking awesome. I mean, she raised me, right? Right.

Anyway, with all the housekeeping, my husband got a bug up his ass and rearranged the furniture in three rooms. All three rooms looks better and roomier now. Score. Plus, we finally moved the DVDs out of the living room. More space for books. In the meantime, I watched 4 hours of Friends on TBS and half assed the remainder of our Christmas cards. Next year: fewer friends. If I continue to be an asshole to everyone, this should happen pretty easily.

Oh, then I watched a few hours of the Food Network. I'm telling you, life in my body is fucking awesome.

I've been waking up around 7:40am, every morning. My alarm doesn't go off until 8:30am on weekdays, and never.a.m. on the weekends, so this getting up early thing is thrilling the shit out of me.

And now it's Sunday morning and I've been up for hours, dicking around online, watching the pets beat the shit out of each other, and googling my symptoms. Did you know that internal bleeding can cause light headedness? Specifically, bleeding in my digestive tract? Well gee wilikers, folks, that makes me feel awesome.

The upside is: When I'm not moving around I feel totally sort of semi fine, sometimes (just....off). And, we can afford for me to go to the doctor, even without insurance. Which might just have to happen, because this isn't sustainable. I mean, sure, I could continue to function like this, but I don't fucking want to.

So, yeah, hi. My bout of mildly unpleasant physical ailments has finally pushed me over the edge.

Not really. I'm functioning fine. Life is still beautiful and shit. The cat occasionally lets me pet her. My husband is wonderful. I love Christmas music. Sure, I haven't showered in three days and there's no fucking way I'm intentionally breaking a sweat feeling like this, but life is still good. I have a dog asleep on my feet right now. How could life NOT be good, you know? This stuff is all trivial. Things will get fixed eventually. Life will go on. And in this inbetween time? I just have to deal. Because what else is there?

Get Ups, Loppy Cat, Trimmed Tree

2011-12-16T07:49:00.000-08:00

We Talked About:

His rebranding. I have a friend designing a logo, and my husband is building him a website. The website name, which I came up with, is pretty damn clever, but we still haven't bought the URL, so I'm not going to announce it yet.

Trent Reznor's cover of The Immigrant Song. So good. SO GOOD.

Different cool stuff we want to be able to do some day.

Olympic snatches (I want to make a porn with that title some day).

Daily stretches. He's going to compile a list of stretches he'd like me to do daily. I have a lot of physical restrictions for moves based on muscles being too tight. I can do the moves, I just can't do them perfectly, and that's something I'd like to work on.

I know we talked about other things. We chatted and laughed the whole session. I just can't remember NOW what we talked about THEN.

=====================

The Workout

x4
10 chest pressed (two 25lb dumbbells)
15 squat and rows (resistance band)

x4
1 turkish get up per side, with a rack and press at the top (16kg)
10 goblet squats with a curl at the bottom (12kg)

x4
10 skull crushers (35lb barbell)
15 rapid fire half presses (34lb barbell)

In between stuff we spent a lot of time working on stretching out my hamstrings, perfecting different movements, and testing things out. My training was talking about when I'll eventually move up to the 20kg kettlebell. And we decided to test it there. Boom. Done. (only with my right arm. Maybe if my left arm was fresh, but probably not) It was...exhilarating, to say the least. It was about a 9.4lb jump, which is a lot for my little arms to handle. I'm very pleased with myself.

My trainer walked me to my car after the session, so I had to wait to take stupid pictures until after I got home.

====================

Speaking of stupid pictures, my cat is clearly as loppy as I am.

===================

My husband found all the ornaments, so we trimmed the tree last night. At least half our ornaments have memories attached to them (I like to pick up ornaments on vacation), so it was fun to play through trips we'd been on, things we'd found. We have a dried blowfish from Venice, a bear wearing moose ears from when we went camping in the redwoods. My mom got us a birdhouse ornament the first Christmas we lived together. Good memories. I can't wait to explain all the ornaments to our kids someday, and add their crappily made craft time ornaments to the mix.

One ornament we have is a glittered pine cone that me or one of my siblings made as kids. It's neat that it's lasted this long. We also have a clear ornament that has pine needles from last year's tree on it. Because I'm a raging dork.

Does anyone else have ornaments from childhood? I'm hoping to con more off my mom as the years go on.

======================

Hodge Podge:

I suck at making omelets. Running egg white is one of my least favorite things ever, so I tend to overcook omelets out of fear. I think they're fine, but I'd never force them on anyone else.

My hamstrings are suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper tight.

The pets love drinking from the base of the tree. Hey, as long as it keeps them hydrated.

I have a really hard time giving up the double space between sentences. I've read it's official archaic, but that's how my fingers learned to type.

We're only a third of the way through our Christmas cards. I enjoy sending them. It's the writing them that's super difficult.

Today is the 16th. I'm sure as shit not going to bike 16 miles, but I liked to do something else, 16-wise. Any suggestions?

No Camel Toe. No Shame.

2011-12-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the 14th, so I biked 14 miles.

Sweat was literally dripping off my chin for the last 7 or so miles. It was super sexy. You wish you were there.

So sweaty, so sorry.

Also, this is not a camel toe. It's a seam. Bike shorts are stupid. Look at all that sweat instead.

Bike shorts butt.

Apparently, the tops of my feet got really sweaty, too. Which is weird.

===========================

TWO NEW FOODS!

(and then I ate a bowl of chicken and rice because I was still hungry)

Success!

For those of you following at home, I'm up to six foods (plus unrestricted beverages).

Next up I'm thinking: ham and quinoa. I'm interested in getting the rice monkey off my back, and I'm hoping we have ham for Christmas. I love ham.

===========================

So, I like the idea of fanny packs. Carrying more than will fit in my pockets, without having to haul around a purse? Sign me up. But, fanny packs, besides having a perverted name if you're British, are kind of ugly. I have, for years, been saying I want a fanny pack that's more like a tool belt. I was convinced they would be all the rage.

I never thought I'd actually see one in the wild.

The tassles are totally removable, but I love them.

Yes, this is ridiculous. I don't care. It's awesome and I love it. I did not hesitate when I bought it.

NO SHAME.

==================

Our box of Christmas ornaments is lost in the garage. Our garage is a complete mess. We're housing all of Sky's worldly possessions, and a number of another brother's boxes. It was messy enough when it was just out own stuff. We'll find it eventually, but I did stomp around the house screaming "fuck" for a few minutes. And then I felt better. We'll find them. Things like that don't disappear. They just get stuff stacked on top. It's a good excuse to clean up the garage. I did find the lights, so the tree won't be totally naked. And, it's slightly crooked. But, I'm okay with that/too lazy to fix it.

=================

(Turkish) Get Up, Stand Up

2011-12-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hello!

We Talked About:

Random juice mixtures (note: NEVER MIX CANTALOUPE AND PARSLEY)
My husband's new job
Beet poop
Women with mustaches
Having a Hitler mustache birth mark

One of these days my trainer is going to follow me out to my car and see me taking a picture of my butt. I'm not sure if that will be weird or hilarious or both. Note: He doesn't know I have a blog.

The Workout:

x4
20 kb swings
10 quadraped push ups (that's what my trainer calls them when I lift an opposite arm and leg)

x4
2 swings, 5 snatches per arm
5 mid-height box jumps

(the fourth round we went to 10 snatches)

Circus exercises. Which I demonstrate HERE (my trainer shot video to show another client, who was whining about the move):

And then, as a demonstration for his client, he had me do one turkish get up.

So, that's me on video. Yup.

==============

Kettlebell callouses.

We did play with chalk a little bit during the snatches. That was pretty cool. It felt bad ass, because that's what real athletes seem to do. And, it did make me less paranoid while snatching. Though, I still banged the shit out of my forearms. And may have hit myself in the crotch with my fist at one point. Whoops.

==============

I'm super pleased to announce that my amazing husband has signed a job offer, and will start work Monday. Insurance won't kick in until the 1st, but I can wait. So stoked.

==============

My trainer suggested a "delicious" juice drink combining apple, carrot, kale, celery, and beet. (He called it "bloody poop juice." We're charming)

Yeah, that kind of sounds terrifying.

But, it turned out really pretty.

And was surprisingly delicious.

So a beet juice mustache makes me feel like a messy lesbian vampire. Let's never speak of this again.

==============

My workout capris still have holes from the last time I ate shit running. My palm and elbow still have scars. Running, man. Sticks with you.

==============

The "remove everything, juice everything" diet is going well. Today I add eggs (and, if I go to the store, avocado). YAY!

==============

Our tree is up and running, but remains untrimmed (meaning, we both haven't added it it, decoration-wise, nor removed from it, hedge-clipping-wise. I love words that mean opposite things). We have to be in the right *mood* to decorate, otherwise it sucks the joy out of it. As it stands, the dog loves to drink out of the base, and the cat just stares at it, like some sort of primal, ancestral feelings are welling up inside of her. And then she runs away or falls asleep. I love cats.

Mish Mash

2011-12-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

I did diddly squat yesterday, so here's a mish mash of random, instead of a picture of my sweaty ass. There's a picture of me dancing like an inbred hillbilly, if that makes it any better.

1. Things that suck about juicing:

Berry juice is delicious, but berries are expensive.
It's hard to shove spinach down the juicer's hole
Wasteful!
Messy!
I still have to cut up stuff so it fits in the hole.
7 pieces of a machine to clean, and I have to clean it right away, otherwise it gets all dry and at least twice as difficult to clean.

So, I likely won't do this forever. But, it's keeping the scurvy at bay. It doesn't help that the juicer might be 10 years old. But it works fine, so I won't be adding a fancy one to my Christmas list.

2. We really need to do dishes. And that's water on my sweater from washing out the juicer. I'm not a filthy whore, okay. I'm pretty clean.

Also, parsley and spinach make juice look like poop.

3. We got a Christmas tree. But, it's currently supine while we wait for the caulk around the base to dry, so it stops leaking. Also, I dance/look like a moron. And my jeggings are too loose. #whitepeopleproblems

4. Sweet potatoes and zucchini are improving the quality of my dining habits with few ill affects. BUT, my husband's insurance doesn't kick in until the first, so I'll have plenty of time to keep experimenting. I think, based on stuff I've been reading online (because it's all true, right?), I'll add in eggs and avocado in next. That will give me delicious fat, and OMELETS. Mmmmmmmmm.

The dog is not delicious. He smells like dog.

5. Speaking of, the pets continue to co-exist. The cat continues to be my favorite. It's the Hitler 'stache. It warms the sub-cockles of my heart.

6. The entirety of my solid food diet. There's zucchini in with the sweet potatoes. That's red and brown rice. I am not ricist.

7. I am also not the only dorky malorky in the house. He's smiling because he had different companies fighting over him. He should be gainfully employed come Monday. Score. We bought the hat at Target. It's really, really warm. I swear I'm not a furry. I just like adorable things, okay?

Racing Myself

2011-12-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

I took Friday and Saturday off from working out because, why not?

I tried to make up for it Sunday. I wanted to bike and run. I decided to combine the two.

The plan was:

-run a mile
-record mile time
-ride the bike for the same duration as the run
-repeat

The first three miles were kind of shocking.

That's faster than I normally run. And it continued, fresh off the bike. Sure, I wasn't on the bike long (Though, I'm happy with my bike speed, too). It felt good. I've been feeling meh about my athletic achievements lately. Plus, it was FUN. And difficult. I need to increase my lung capacity. I was really feeling that on that run.

What's that I hear? It's me being awesome.

No butts about it.

[Other clever saying here.]

=========================

Saturday marked four solid days of eating nothing but chicken, rice, and juice (A good mix of fruit and vegetable, almost all home made). I guess I got a little full of myself, because I justified a trip out to sushi. I figured, fish isn't so different from chicken, and miso soup is a liquid, so if I just at plain rolls and miso soup, I'd be good.

Nope.

Blarg. I'd almost forgotten (blocked out?) how much it sucked to feel so ill after eating. The chicken and rice triggers such a low, mild reaction that it's been easy to ignore. But, there it was again. So I said "fuck it" and ate whatever I wanted for the rest of the night (which meant bacon wrapped dates and chocolate covered strawberries. We went to a finger food party).

Sunday was back to the land of the bland. Chicken. Fruit juice (pear, mango, pineapple, grapefruit and lime), and a shitton of vegetable juice (the last of a 10lb bag of carrots, 4-5 cups of spinach, a bunch of parsley, two bell peppers, two tomatoes, and two cucumbers). It's shockingly delicious.

Today I'm integrating sweet potatoes and green squash into the diet. It's a good next step, according to elimination diets on the internet. I should only be uninsured for another week or so (things are very promising on the husband job front), so I'll be able to dump this problem into a doctor's lap soon.

===============

I figured out how to wear the puffy vest.

I'M ON A BOAT: Part 2

2011-12-08T21:15:00.000-08:00

First off, I was going to take pictures of today's food, but, spoiler alert, it looks the same as the previous carrot juice and bowls of chicken and rice. No need. I'll never understand people who post like, 17 pictures of oatmeal a day. Zzzzzzzzz

Anyway, the boat by my bank is still here. And I am driven by some unknown force to take pictures on the boat. But, I am limited by my camera's self timer.

Or so I thought. Some poor stranger witness the above photo taking adventure, approached me as I was making a hasty retreat, and asked me if I want him to take a picture of me on the boat. And I did. Sure, they was a chance he would run off with my camera, but folks, that was a risk I was willing to take.

And it paid off.

My life is now complete.

====================

The Exercise

10 hip stretches with my toes on kettlebells

x4
10 first set/5 each additional set deadlifts, progressively heavier
10 push ups, with alternating knee tucks

x4
10 double kb squats, follow immediately without pause by
5 double kb raises
30 seconds rest

(this was THE WORST)

x4
1 turkish get up per side, with progressively heavier kbs

Then some weird circus looking stretch that related back to the turkish get ups.

==================

We talked a ton about his future website. I came up with the PERFECT name, and he, in turn, came up with the perfect logo. We are a genius pairing.

We talked about my husband's job search (promising!), my diet (not enough calories! But the nausea is still minimized!), and scare tactic health sites.

It was a good session, full of long, slow movements, that I'll be feeling over the next few days.

And I need to eat more. I'm trying to figure out what food to add back in to my diet. I'm still having some nausea, and a bit of stomach pain, but it's SEVERELY decreased. It helps that I'm only really eating solid food twice a day. But, fuck, I'd rather be hungry than nauseated. At least for now.

Food And Fashion

2011-12-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

Let's start with food.

I'm in self-testing mode for my stomach. Please don't try to emulate my dietary habits. I am not a food role model. I am testing out stupid stuff out of desperation.

That said, starting yesterday, I am eating nothing but chicken, rice, and fruit/veggie juice. My theory is: chicken and rice is bland. If my stomach issues are food related, it is HIGHLY unlikely that it's chicken or rice. Juice because it doesn't bother my stomach, and I don't want scurvy.

Breakfast: cup of tea, cup of coffee.

Lunch:

16oz of carrot, apple, celery, cucumber, parsley juice
8oz chicken
8oz rice

Second lunch:

23oz carrot, orange, tangerine juice (made at home)
8oz rice
4oz chicken (only ate half)

Dinner:

Big bowl of chicken thighs, white rice, and wild rice.
20oz of juice made from 12 carrots and two oranges

Clearly I am trying to turn orange. We just have a lot of carrots and I really love carrot juice. I'm sure I'll branch out eventually.

I felt MUCH better than I did on Tuesday. I'm still experiencing nausea, but not to the same degree. I don't want to get too hopeful, but, hmmmmmmm, maybe this will help.

===================

Fashion.

My MIL sent me this from Israel. It's going to make walking the dog on cold mornings so much easier.

Yesterday I bought this combination. Yes, it looks like a pink buffy vest over an ill fitting flannel shirt.

But that ill fitting flannel shirt is actually a super warm waterproof snowboarding jacket.

But, yeah, it looks like ill fitting flannel. Which I totally dig.

And then there's the vest.

Doesn't it look fantastic over my red tshirt?

Here's the thing: I have no idea how to wear a warm, quilted vest. Do I wear it with the jacket? They both have hoods. But they were sold together. Do I wear it without a jacket? When will I find my chest cold enough for my jacket, but my arms too warm for a jacket? I have no idea. I've never owned one of these winter vests before. My husband said I look like an astronaut who forgot her suit's arms.

So, I'm your new fashion icon, right? Clearly I was made to model. That, paired with my impeccable fashion taste, I'm bound for greatness.

That, or I just really hate being cold.

Less Working, More Talking!

2011-12-07T07:54:00.000-08:00

What we talked about:

My stupid stomach, mostly, since I spent pretty much the whole session a few steps away from puking. JOY.

What else? He was pretty jealous that I got drunk with the EMTs, and lamented that I never get drunk when he's around. I may have promised to fix that.

He's looking for lengths of 2" rope for his business, so I told him to set up a date to travel to the Los Angeles ship yard with Sky, in search of good photographs and rope. It seems like it would be a fun man-date.

Weird exercise stuff. We took a *lot* of breaks and fucked around with super high box jumps (I can do over 2 feet, neat), crow's pose (I can do that, too, for a few seconds, which is a start), using a sledge hammer to do swings instead of a kettlebell (scary as shit) and balancing a sledge hammer upside down in general. All really cool stuff.

The Workout:

x4
10 push ups with alternating leg and arm raises
10 (per arm) single arm kb swings
5 (per arm) single arm kb press
15 step ups
5 box jumps (18-20" box)

x4
10 chest presses (two 30lb dumbbells)
12 curls (two 15lb dbs)
15 squat to rows

I left my camera and phone at home all day, so I had to wait until I got home to take a picture. And this is the only picture I took.

Well, okay, I took a second picture, after I showered, to demonstrate what my hair looks like, with my stupid growing out bangs, and not being brushed. Because I felt like sharing? Growing out bangs sucks.

I'M ON A BOAT!

2011-12-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, my friend April pointed out that these Puma running tights make your vagina the center of the universe:

Now that we have that out of the way, I wanted to run last night. I also did not want to run. Sitting on the couch watching tv all night seemed awesome.

I came home and Sky was over. Sky is always over. I asked him if he wanted to run. Monday Night Football cockblocked me. But we hatched a half time plan. It gave us less time, which just meant we had to run faster.

I used the opportunity to try my the ear muffs Valerie gave me for my birthday.

They were fantastic. The run felt great. I pushed myself a little bit, and pushed Sky a lot. I could feel my chest hitting the edge of almost burning. We made it about 2.5 miles.

Just long enough to get a little bit of sweat on.

I dropped Sky off in front of the tv and grabbed the dog, jogging him about a mile to a taco truck. I jogged about half the way back, but it was suuuuuuuuuuuper awkward with a giant bag of tacos in my hand.

Mine.

=========================

Bonus picture one: This boat is parked next to my bank, so I see it about every day. I finally worked up the courage to make use of my self timer.

Bonus picture two:

I kind of hate my smelly ass dog, but holy shit he's adorable.

Weekend Update

2011-12-05T08:50:00.000-08:00

Friday I got home from work and jumped on my bike.

I knocked out 10 miles while watching The Biggest Loser. I threw some sprints in, so my average speed was 18mph. It's getting easier to go faster. I like that.

=============

Once I was done on the bike I hopped in the shower and go ready to drive an hour to visit my lovely EMTs. They were having an "End of Fire Season" party (they're also firefighters).

We invented a shot called the Flaming Todd, which involved Pedialyte, since Todd seems to always be pushing it on people.

It was terrible.

We played beer pong, which was a terrible idea, since my husband was my partner, and the sober driver.

I managed to have a pretty fun time.

===============

Which is why I spent pretty much all of Saturday brutally hung over.

I drink twice a year, so my tolerance is low. I am a super, super cheap date. Which means I get full on wrecked pretty easily. Saturday was rough. Yeah.

But, I had to buck up, because I had a few people coming over Saturday night for a slumber party.

We played Mr. Bacon's Big Adventure (like candyland, but with more MEAT).

And Moose, Moose, Bunny, Bunny.

My husband gave me the expansion pack for Cards Against Humanity, so we had to bust that out.

And it's not a slumber party without pizza.

Not everyone stayed up late.

But we decided to be nice and not put any bras in the freezer.

==========================

Sunday we hosted a cookie exchange party.

I made cranberry turtle bars, only I started in on them too late, so they didn't solidify in time for the party. They still tasted good.

Marla made the best fruitcake I've ever had.

And then people ended up doing push ups and pull ups. And it was almost totally unprompted by me.

==================

Now it's Monday morning and my body is running on liquor fumes, too much sugar, and not enough sleep. Why do I feel like crap? Gee.

Kettlebell Queen

2011-12-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

We Talked About

Breeding.
He needs to shave 12 minutes off his previous Camp Pendleton Mud Run to win. I think he can do it.
Creeping your friends out by sending them creepy/perverted pictures.
Stuff that has to be censored here. Sorry. The word "prolapsed" may have been used.

============================

The Workout:

x4 (no rest between)
20 step ups
20 kb swings
30 seconds of jumping side to side on a step
2 minutes on the treadmill

x3 (no rest between)
15 double kb swings (one in each hand)
15 goblet squats with a curl at the bottom)
2 minutes standing on stationary bike

x3
15 kb swings -- one handed

x3
one minute planks

=================

I got an anonymous package in the mail containing the awesomest board game I have ever heard of:

===================

We babysat my nieces last night.

Cassie was very interested in the cat, but the cat was more interested in licking the grocery bag that held my clothes.

====================

I was supposed to go to an "End Of The Fire Season" party with my EMTs tonight, but it's been crazy windy (whole cities have declared a state of emergency because of the wind), which means FIRE SEASON, so they might be on call tonight. =( We'll find out later today.

Birthday Recap

2011-12-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

My birthday was pretty swell. The cat let me pet her without running away. I got lots of happy birthday wishes. I ate delicious food. Good times.

My husband wrapped 30 gifts for me. And put little clues for each gift as part of the way he drew the number.

Inside were books, board games, socks with capes, a philosophy geek shirt, DVDs, and a bunch of other silly, awesome stuff.

And this adorable necklace.

===============

My brother had a juicer in storage that he never used, so I decided to bust it out. Maybe juicing will help with my stomach issues.

$5.24 worth of juicable items.

I love carrot juice, so of course that was first.

Eight carrots almost filled a medium size glass.

It was delicious. I'm scared to try the parsley and yams, but my trainer swears they work.

===============

For dinner I went out to a Japanese grill with my husband, my brother, and Marla and Andrew.

We told poop jokes and invented drinks and scared the people sitting near us, and had a pretty awesome time.

===============

My husband has been flush with job interviews this week, which is exciting. He is excellent at what he does, and there are good opportunities out there for him.

===============

I will never understand the people (predominantly women) who fear turning 30. I'd been looking forward to it since college. And life is pretty cake. I'm in a great position. I'm in better physical shape than I've been in in at least 13 years. I have an awesome house. My friends are hilarious. My husband is the best. I have a good job. Everything is coming up Milhouse.

My Name Is Rose and I Am Now 30.

2011-11-30T07:00:00.001-08:00

Today is my birthday. I am now 30.

=================

Last night I had my first training session with my trainer in over a week. And I could tell.

We caught up on our respective Thanksgivings. He claimed his was just "okay," which I blamed on his lack on cranberry sauce. He ran a Thursday morning boot camp. At first he told me two people puked, and I was majorly envious, but then he said he was kidding.

I'm not going to lie, I spent a huge chunk of the session whining. Everything was so HARD (except the deadlifts. I loved those.). The turkish get ups. Oh man. My arms were shaking. I was sure I was going to drop the weight. SO HARD.

But, as always, hurts so good.

=======================

The Workout

Foam rolled IT bands and calves

Swing stretch with my toes on bells
squat stretch with my toes on bells
toe touch with my toes on bells

x3
10 push ups with opposite arm/leg lift at the top
10 push ups with opposite knees in at the top
10 deadlifts (75lbs, 95lbs, 95lbs)

3x
10 db clean and presses (two hands)
10 roll outs (imagine the ab roller infomercial. Only I used a giant dumbbell)

3x
2 turkish get ups per side

The only reason boys read my blog:

=================

I have dinner plans tonight with my husband, my brother, and two of my best friends.

Friday night I'll be celebrating with my EMTs.

Saturday I'm having a mini slumber party with most of my favorite people.

Good times.

Solo Bike Tour Of Napa

2011-11-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

Napa Valley is beautiful. Even with beauty being subjective, that's practically a fact. Any drive through the valley will show off the rolling green hills and grape vines as far as the eye can see, surrounded but mountains. It's a good place to be, and an even better place to bike.

I mapped out a pretty easy 18 mile out and back. But, things don't always go according to plan.

As I was kissing my husband goodbye, he asked if I wanted a picture. Duh.

"Now turn around for a butt picture for your blog fans."

I layered bike shorts under my pants, and you can see the padding, and where the shorts end on my legs. I was terrified of being cold, and this was my solution.

My butt never looks as good in bike shorts. Oh well.

And then, I was off. I tried not to stare at my bike computer too much, but during a few flat parts I danced between 18 and 19mph, which pleased me.

My trip was supposed to take me to Yountville and back. Easy. So, I hit Yountville, around 8.5 miles in. And I thought "I should just go for 10 miles, then turn around. Then I'll have to do 20 miles."

So I kept going. The trail cut East, and I started seeing signs for the Silverado Trail. It sounded familiar, and I knew I could bike on it, so I thought "I'll just make a loop."

The Silverado Trail is a two lane road, with ample curb space for bikes on either side. It's flanked with vineyards and has enough rolling hills to slay me, then elate me. Going up hills is so hard I am so bad at it. Going down hills is SO MUCH FUN. And terrifying. And awesome.

And then I was back in town, cutting through Napa, joining back up with my original course, and heading home.

25 miles.

Things that hurt: All of them. Butt, crotch, back, knees, quads. My legs were wobbly, I was starving, and I really wanted a shower. And yet, every single part of the ride was amazing.

You may notice a distinct lack of scenic picture in this post. I brought my camera with me. I always do. But, I didn't trust myself to ride and take pictures, because I'm still not that good on the bike. And, while I could have stopped, I didn't want to. I just wanted to keep going and going and going. It was so pretty, and the air was the perfect temperature, and everything felt *right*.

I wish I lived closer to beautiful bike paths.

========================

After a shower I satiated my hunger with pie. Filling.

I don't like pie crust. My mom makes amazing pie crust, according to other people. I just don't like pie crust. I like pie filling.

Thankfully, Sky is a gluttonous porky mcpig who doesn't like things going to waste.

And then my mom made my favorite meal ever, the meal I crave when weather gets cold, the meal I have tried and failed to replicate.

Turkey soup with dumplings.

Those dumplings. I would eat them all if I hated my family. But, I had to share.

So I only had two bowls.

==================

Today we're driving home to LA. Yay for heading home, but BOO for such a long, boring drive.

Wine Train and Whine Train

2011-11-27T10:07:00.000-08:00

Friday was Wine Train day. Nine of us piled on a train from 1915 and took a 50 mile round trip ride through Napa Valley while munching on five gourmet courses, all of which I took pictures of, none of which are worth showing, because it's just food. Delicious food, but yeah. I am not a food photography, and you are not here to see poorly lit pictures of something someone else ate. If you want beautiful pictures of food, go to Tastespotting and spend the next hour licking your monitor.

The food was good, but the experience was was made the evening, from my husband playing "king of the world" on the back of the train to the waitress not believing my brother and his wife were celebrating their 20 year anniversary. And while Lurane looks like that would make her 10 when they started dating, she was actually 16. They mark their anniversary from the night they were riding back from a football game, Harv in his football gear, Lurane in her cheerleader outfit. She'd been wearing his letter jacket for a week, but November 23rd, 1991 was the night they finally kissed. And they've been together ever since. But the beard is only 8 months old.

Saturday we piled everyone together for a family picture. We were missing one chunk of the family (Forest, his wife, and the nieces stayed in LA for the holiday), but we did our best. And devoted a fair amount of time to trying to guilt Harv and Lurane into flying down for a few days over Christmas. It gets harder and harder to get the whole family together for holidays, now that people have their own families. This is why it's important to marry a foreigner or an orphan. I prefer foreigner because it means you have free vacation lodging somewhere in the world. Score!

I spent the rest of Saturday in various lounging positions around the house, catching up on the internet, playing card games, watching the History Channel (you guys, the world is ending next year, holy SHIT! Also, why do all Nostradamus scholars looks like Nostradamus? It's creepy.), and imagining the variety of ways my stomach is eventually going to kill me. Then I puked up stomach bile and slept for 11 hours.

So, I was a philosophy major in college, which, let me tell you, is hugely useful and I'm stoked to have a job as a philosopher. Oh wait. I did love my major, though, and would do it all over again. Occasionally philosophy does spill over into my day to day life. Bits and pieces have stuck with me over the last 9 years of non-collegiate life.

For instances, Bertrand Russell was dear friends with my favorite philosopher ever, Ludwig Wittgenstein. Russell wrote once, of Wittgenstein, "[h]e says every morning he begins his work with hope, and every evening he ends in despair." That struck me in college. It prompted a fair amount of discussion with my philosophy peers. Most of this discussion was while shitfaced, but that's what college was about. My best friends took almost all the same classes as I did my senior year, and we spent out free time staying up all night roaming around campus chain smoking, drinking the cheapest interesting alcohol we could find, and discussing philosophy, Eminem, and Harry Potter. Life was good.

Anyway, every morning I wake up fine. Something about the act of sleeping or fasting or who knows what reboots my whole system. Mornings, I feel normal. I'm not hungry, I'm not nauseous, I'm not anything. And it's wonderful.

But, inevitably, I have to eat. And then.

And then.

It's been worse the last two days. At least I can call the doctor tomorrow morning when the office opens up. Because I'm so tired of having to think about this and deal with it, I'm tired of talking about it with people, and hiding it from other people so I don't have to talk about it. I don't even want to write about it here, but I am, because if I can't complain to the internet, what's the point?

Anyway, I feel great right now. I was planning on a long bike ride with Sky, but he decided he wanted to watch football more. Still planning on the bike ride. Just waiting for my husband to wake up so I can grab a change of clothes and my bike. It's overcast but bright outside, and the route I have plotted out is lovely.

Tomorrow we drive back to LA. I miss the cat (Who loooooooooooves the woman we hired to feed her). Other than that, I could probably stay up here forever. It's beautiful, my mom washes all the dishes, and everything is walkable. Then again, there's no heater in the bathroom, so getting out of the shower is SO COLD. How do people in cold climates live without bathroom heaters? I live in Southern California and I can't function without one. I just really, really hate being cold.

I'm Thankful...

2011-11-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

...I'm thankful that crazy people didn't break into my house in the middle of the night and saw off my legs. I'm thankful I didn't mimic the Oregon Trail and die of dysentery. I'm thankful I wasn't whisked off to an alternate universe where there is so much gravity that everyone moves around like inch worms. If that happened, I wouldn't have gone for a run yesterday morning.

I actually had zero plans for running. It was fucking Thanksgiving. I needed to eat, not run. But, the dog needed a walk and my legs were tight from the previous day's track sprints. I wanted to run.

It was foggy and rainy. And the crotch on my pants were weird. They're always weird. The pants in general are weird. The front is some rain proof fabric, and the back is fleece. They work very well, keeping my legs dry and my butt warm. But, the crotch looks funny. I don't like the way it looks. It's a good thing it doesn't rain often in L.A.

Yes, I'm wearing the exact same workout outfit as the day before. So? I tried to pack light. And no one wanted to run with me, so I'm the only one who had to smell myself.

I have no idea.

Still no idea.

I still have nothing. I may have a problem taking pictures of myself, but you folks are the ones who keep coming here to look at them. So, yeah. Enjoy my stupid face.

==================

This was my Thanksgiving dinner, aka the food that sat in my stomach causing me pain and making me want to throw up. The upside was, people across the country unknowingly felt what I feel after every meal.

At least I enjoyed eating. I love turkey.

Imagine buffalo wings made from turkey instead of chicken. Hot damn.

==================

Today I'm visiting my dad at a spa, then taking a wine train dinner tour thing? I don't drink wine, so I'll be playing sober driver, and passing my wine off to my husband, so I can get him drunk and make fun of him.

Keeping on Track

2011-11-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

The title is a pun.

4 lap warm up
4 laps of sprinting both straight aways, walking both curves
cooldown walk home.

My lungs were burning. I assume that means I did a good job.

Assk and you shall receive.

==================

For lunch we went to this place:

It's a bunch of stalls of really cool shops.

We had oysters.

Almond ice cream.

Fancy spice shop. We bought fancy salts, hickory smoke powder, and some random seasonings.

===============

For dinner we went to a brewery. In Napa you don't have to enter the liquor license lottery if you brew your own beer.

My husband is also a monster.

I take my food seriously.

==================

My oldest brother, Harvest, is a lumberjack.

==================

Yay family.

===================

Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

I'm Still In Napa. Yup.

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Listen. Napa is fucking LOVELY. It's beautiful here. The weather is stunning. There are beautiful places to jog, and lovely bike paths everywhere you look. And I hauled my bike and my helmet and my tire pump and biking shorts and running gear up here. With big lofty plans.

And yesterday I felt...something similar to guilt for not running.

Fuck that.

Things I did yesterday instead of exercising:

1. Hung out with my mom, who is so awesome it would blow your mind.
2. Ate apples off a tree. And stole more apples.
3. Wandered around an abandoned house on an abandoned acre, trying to break in.
4. Bought heirloom beans. You heard me. HEIRLOOM BEANS. Represent.
5. Ate pizza with anchovies, arugula, egg, capers, and kalamata olives on it.
6. Looked at dozens of beautiful, old, huge houses.
7. Other shit.

And it was awesome. And I don't need to calculate how far I walked to "justify" taking time to do these things. I don't need to feel guilty for living my life. So much of everything revolves around exercise. I'm not training for anything right now. Shit, you guys, my fancy ass Target jeggings are too loose. And I hate spending money on things (plus, we're poor now). So I need to take time to pack on the pounds so my pants fit again.

I do plan on hoping on my bike at some point, because if I hauled it all the way up here without using it, my husband would never let me hear the end of it.

==============

Here are a bunch of pictures.

Holy shit a picture of a sign you guys!

Napa. French for wine. Look it up. True facts.

We ate here.

Future Poop #1:

Future Poop #2. Also, open mouth photos where food is nearby are forgivable.

Fat Ranch. This place has been mentioned by fancy pants kitchen websites on the internet. That's how you know it's legit.

Expensive heirloom beans. I know. I know. But you guys, they're delicious. For beans I mean.

My mom and I both have ridiculous faux fur coats. About five years ago I told her that her coat made her look like a hooker. She shelved it for years, and I developed a dairy allergy (I know the exact time frame because we were in Minneapolis burying my grandma). Good times.

Any place with my name in it is guaranteed to....nothing. I don't know. I like hearing my name.

Buffalo wings to satisfy my inner frat boy, and brussel sprout, sweet potato, pork belly hash, because I recently discovered pork belly, and damn that shit is good. If I were rich, man. If I were rich.

And then we tried dry ice popcorn.

It turned my husband into a dragon.

================

When I'm out and about sometimes I'll take pictures with blog intentions. But, by the time I'm back in front of a computer, I look at the picture and think "I don't even care about this. Why would the internet care?" And then I have this stockpile of stupid useless pictures on my flickr account.

Also, unflattering pictures of me. Well, I post some of those here, but some get culled. I appear a lot cuter on the blog than I do on my flickr stream.

Again, no butt pictures. There's a drought, you guys. For one, my mom doesn't read my blog, so she doesn't really know I post a picture of my butt on the internet almost every day. And while she'd probably be okay with it, she'd also think it was really weird.

That, and I'm not exercising. Because whatever. Pajama time and tea time and tresspassing time are for more important.

================

I don't usually wear hats because sometimes I can look homeless. I was actually mistaken for "the local homeless girl" by a friend's parents in college. Mind you, at the time I had a weird black eye, and was holding two cigarettes. My friend was horrified because he was going to try to pawn me off as his girlfriend to his parents. Joke's on him.

==================

I'm trying out this new thing where I don't carry my phone with me everywhere I go, obsessively checking my email. Thus far it's worked pretty well. I don't get a lot of emails every day anyway, so I'm not missing much. I did miss a work call yesterday, but they figured things out on their own.

==================

I have spent the last three days talking about how I'm going to pretty much eat nothing but turkey and walnut pie on Thanksgiving-proper. The other stuff? Meh. Turkey. Walnut pie. Nothing else matters.

Quick Pics

2011-11-22T12:04:00.000-08:00

I'm in Napa for a week. This morning my mom and I took the dog for a walk and poked around some abandoned properties.

Then I took pictures of her plants, her giraffe collection, and the best thing about the holidays: board games.

Off to walk downtown for lunch.

12 Miles

2011-11-19T15:47:00.000-08:00

I did not run 12 miles. No.

I suppose with my magic anti-nausea pills I could run. But my stomach still bothers me sometimes, even with the pill, so I'd rather get my sweat on close to home, so if something went terribly wrong, I could just stop.

Nothing went terribly wrong.

I just did a lot of sweating.

12 miles. 43 minutes.

I played with sprints in the beginning. I was catching up on The Biggest Loser, and would try to keep above 20mph during the commercial breaks. Which I found to be impossible. They show a damn lot of commercials during that show. But, I did my best.

Sweat was literally dripping into my eyes. Next time, I'm going to set up a fan in my face.

But sweating that much felt SO GOOD. So good.

BUTT, my butt eventually started hurting, which contributed to me stopping. I need to build up my butt immunities again.

I sweat so much the ends of my hair were drenched. Gross? YES. Awesome? ALSO YES.

Welcome to the gun show.

Also: Does anyone else spend an abnormal amount of time staring at themselves while near a mirror in any state of undress? Because I do. All the time. When I get dressed. When I get undressed. When I shower. Stare stare stare. I haven't always looked like this. And, while I could be in better shape (realistically, no one is in "perfect" shape, so technically everyone *could* be in better shape, and that's what I mean), I could be in a lot worse shape? And I like what I see.

============

Things I love about the bike trainer:

-I can watch tv while doing it
-Easy to hop on, knock it out, hop off
-Don't have to wear a helmet
-Risk of falling off is practically 0%
-I know how fast I'm going
-I don't have to map out any routes to hit a distance goal
-Holy sweatbeast

Things I do not love about the bike trainer:

-The slim possibility that the whole contraption will break and I will run headfirst in the bookshelf 5 feet in front of me going 24mph and DIE
-It's loud
-I get really competitive with myself when I pay attention to the speed and distance. Even when I'm busting my ass I get disappointed that I'm not going faster, or capable of going longer or whatever. I'm like this with running, too. I just...expect myself to be naturally better at things? And then I'm embarrassed. I don't know. Lame.

Now the dog is sleeping on my legs. We're having pork and beans for dinner. That means a few cans of Bush's Baked Beans and a package of hot dogs. Because it's delicious.

CHIN UP CHIN UP CHIN UP

2011-11-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

1. Holy crap. Anti-nausea medication is my new favorite thing ever. I haven't felt this good (read: NORMAL) in weeks. I feel amazing. I feel happy and comfortable and just bursting with happy energy. Amazing. I look forward to solving everything, so I can feel like this sans pills.

2. Great workout tonight. It was our last day at the gym. Canceling a gym membership is easy when someone in the household loses their job. No one can argue with that!

3. We talked about:

-beet poop and pepto poop
-the masturbation hand being the stronger hand
-what a yeti penis would look like
-eating more food leads to lifting heavier weights
-my trainer starting a website (we liked www.bellsdeep.com but ultimately decided it was an inside joke)
-juicing. Fruit. Not steroids.

4. The Workout:

10 minutes, as many rounds as possible of:

10 second hanging chin up
20 kettlebell swings
30 seconds rest

20 seconds rope swings - normal
20 seconds rope swings - while squatting
20 seconds rope swings - while lunging left leg
20 seconds rope swings - while lunging right leg
20 seconds rope swings - while doing jumping jacks
20 seconds rope swings - making them slither on the ground
20 seconds rope swings - outside circles

4x
15 squat to high rows

4x
15 lat pull downs
15 front pull downs with feet hovering off the ground? It was weird

4x
15 leg curls
15 reverse lunge with curls

My hands had been used to no working out, so the callouses came out in full force today, making each progressive thing more difficult.

So, chin ups.

I did chins ups.

From the hanging position.

Plural.

More than one.

Unprompted. Just dicking around waiting for Shaun to tell me to jump up to do the hanging chin up thing.

Still not a full pull up. But getting SO much closer.

"I don't know, but you're not going to die."

2011-11-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

"I don't know, but you're not going to die."

That's what my doctor told me this morning.

Then he gave me pills so I can eat meals like a normal person, and function afterward. In return, I gave him a bunch of my blood. I'll know on Tuesday if my blood solved the mystery. If the nausea continues over the weekend I'm going in for an MRI on Monday to make sure I don't have a gremlin living in my stomach.

In other news, I'm a few pounds lighter than I'd like to be (am I allowed to say that on the internet? Will I get kicked out of the blogging community for not pretending like I think I'm fat?), my blood pressure is awesome, and I slouch too much, or I'm shrinking.

In the best news ever, today I ate a whole sandwich. And then, I felt full. And not like I was going to throw up. Best meal ever.

[Insert Clever Pun Title Using "Sweat" and "Bike" Here]

2011-11-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

That's what I look like when my mouth is closed. It doesn't happen often.

Anyway, I managed to not want to hurl too bad when I got home from work yesterday, so I hopped on the bike.

My bike computer is high, so I don't know how far or fast I went, but I got my sweat on.

That's what really matters, right?

I'm showing this next picture to:

1. Demonstrate my impecable photography skills
2. Marvel at how thin my arms are (isn't that what running blogs are about?)
3. Look at the sweat!

I don't know why I'm giving bitch face here.

I sweat an outline of the bike seat.

Up close and personal in the buttal area.

By the time I was done, I was literally dripping sweat off my face and arms.

I did some sprints, and that helped, but it always amazes me how much my whole body sweats from biking. I understand, that's how the body works. But it's still a pleasant surprise.

So many pictures in this post. So little content. Suck it.

=================

My doctor appointment is this morning. Yay, I guess.

=================

Um....

That's all I've got.

Getting My Sweat On

2011-11-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

Things we talked about:
-Magic Johnson getting HIV. Is having unprotected sex with a large number of partners equally as dangerous as attempting physical stunts for glory?
-His "Get Rose To Run The Fastest Mile" plan, and when we can re-implement it.
-My stomach, and how lame is it.
-How totally awesome and improved my form was today! Go Rose!

===========================

The Workout:

x4
10 deadlifts (90lbs I think. Barbells are 45lbs, right?)
12 chest presses (60lbs total, dumbbells)

x4
15 squat and rows
15 inclined bench stomach rows
15 kb goblet squats with a curl at the bottom

x4
20 kb swings
30 seconds rest

It feels good to sweat again.

I felt ill going in to the training session, and the feeling never strayed far during, but after I felt better (while still queasy) than I had in a long time.

I love strength training so much. It makes me feel so good and strong and clear headed and wonderful.

=====================

My husband had dinner ready for me when I got out of the shower.

It was delicious, and the perfect amount of food for my broken stomach to handle. Well, I'm using "handle" loosely here, but still. Delicious. I love beets, creepy poop color be damned.

=====================

I'll be heading up to Napa Monday or Tuesday. My mom lives up there, and we're celebrating Thanksgiving at her house this year. I hope my body is fixed by then, since I have big plans for their bike paths. Biking, board games, and all the turkey skin I can eat. You can have the breast meat. The crispy, salty, greasy skin is hands down the best part of every turkey. Mashed potatoes? Meh. Rolls? Whatever. TURKEY SKIN.

=====================

If I hadn't dropped out of the marathon for being ill prepared I would have had to drop out for the revolution my stomach is leading against food. So, there's that.

=====================

I still have plans. They all go in to action in 2012, and they all depend on my husband getting a job promptly (race fees and lessons are expensive, yo), so I'm keeping them under wraps for now. But, I have plans that involve me being healthy, and it's going to happen. Doctor's appointment tomorrow to get this shit figured out. I miss looking forward to eating, instead of planning my day around eating as few times as possible. I'm tired to feeling awesome except my stomach.

======================

The cat is more adventurous these days. She wanders around the living room some, hisses at the dog, and still avoids being picked up, but we're making progress.

======================

Whoever invented fuji persimmons is a genius.

======================

Whomever?

======================

If I had it my way I'd sleep/nap all day today and wake up just in time to go to the doctor tomorrow. Perfect world. Oh well.

I Ran. A Bit.

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

First, weekend update:

Our friends Marla and Andrew host an early Thanksgiving every year, so they can spend a bit of the holidays with their favorite people. My brother brought his camera and set up a photo area.

Marla set up everything perfect. She has amazing aesthetics. There's a reason she did my wedding flowers.

I ate enough deep fried turkey to make myself feel sick (doesn't take much these days!). And then I ate some more.

By now this is all poop.

I even tried to eat my friend's 8 month old baby, but he wasn't ripe yet.

================

Sunday Sky came over to fix our gutters.

They're a work in progress. But, Sky works from home, and my husband is freshly laid off, so they plan on finishing everything up this coming week.

=================

Last night I went for a run. No watch. No attention to distance or pace or direction. Just running.

I was also testing out a new mp3 player I won from Dax at Dirty Running. I need to futz with the earphone plugs size things, though, before I can tell how awesome it ear. My ear holes are oddly sized. If there was ear hole porn I could be a star.

I licked the box. I don't know why. Something something licking box something something pervert.

Back to the run. It was off the books, so I have no idea how far I made it before I started dry heaving. Maybe 1.5 miles? I slowly jogged back home. I was barely out long enough to break a sweat.

My butt was disappointed.

So, I waited for my stomach to settle, and hopped on my bike.

I read in Cosmo that if you purse your lips, you go faster.

I got a much better sweat on the bike. Less stomach jossling helped, I'm sure. (Sky's theory is I'm allergic to running.)

=============

So, there's that.

My stomach is still ruining my life. I'm thinking about sending it to military school. I'm pretty sure it's lupus (it's never lupus).

=============

I have dozens of unread fitness magazines on the shelf under my coffee table. They always seem to have the same "advice." And since I pay out the nose for my own personal trainer, I don't need their little exercise plans. I don't actually *pay* for the subscriptions. They just keep coming.

=============

I skipped Sunday's race. My body has been falling apart, and I wasn't feeling it. Whatever. Race season in SoCal is all calendar long, so it's no big deal

=============

Things I'm looking forward to this week:

-riding on my bike while watching The Biggest Loser (SWEAT FATTIES SWEAT)
-going to the doctor Thursday morning and making them fix me
-maybe going for another run
-getting to eat lunch with my husband during the work week
-new gutters! Okay, no one looks forward to that, but as a homeowner, I probably should care, right?

Blarg

2011-11-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

This is how I've felt all week.

At least I looked cute yesterday. Minus my face. My face looks deformed.

I was going to run tonight. Or, at the very least, ride my bike trainer. (My personal trainer is off today, which is probably a good thing).

But, hey, guess what? On top of feeling sick every time I eat, I have a new symptom! The past two nights I've been light headed with a tingling face. Yeah, I'm not going to exercise when I'm light headed and dizzy. I will gladly err on the side of laziness, because something is wrong. I have a doctor's appointment next week. The internet is torn between menopause diabetes, because on my symptoms.

So, yeah, no exercise right now. Playing each day by ear. Very, very tired ear.

I know you're all here for pictures of my ass.

This is the picture I submitted to my high school yearbook.

Now you're all perverts.

This is what happens when I feel like crap.

ldfkhgdlfkjhgdkfljhgldkfhgldkjfhgdfhgldhf

Content? Fuck content!

fldkhgdkfhgdflkhgdfkhgdfhgdfhgldfhgldfhgldfh

Let's Talk About My Day

2011-11-09T09:29:00.002-08:00

So, pretty much every time I eat, I feel queasy. This has been happening since our Halloween party. It's been a fun week and a half.

Yesterday morning I woke up starving, since I hadn't eaten enough the day before. Since I wasn't getting enough calories, and I was going to feel ill regardless, I hit up the Jack in the Box drive through for breakfast. That sausage biscuit was delicious. My potato sticks weren't as hot as I would have liked, but I always forget how delicious fast food breakfast potato things are. Holy grease filled deliciousness, Batman.

And hey, I didn't feel any more or less ill than after having eating a grilled chicken salad, or anything else I've eaten in the last week. Totally worth it.

And then I sat at my desk for eight hours dealing with paperwork and Quickbooks and adjusting people's time clocks and all the fun stuff that comes with being gainfully employed (what would ungainful employment be?).

Once it was quitting time I locked my office door and changed into my workout clothes, because it sure beats changing in the bathroom. Then I drove to the garage where my trainer works me out.

Daylight Saving Time means more pictures in the dark.

The Workout

10 minute treadmill warm up

Foam rolled IT band and calves

x4
15 (per leg) step ups with medicine ball chops
5 chest on the ground push ups
2 min treadmill

x4
20 planar lunges with oversized medicine ball curls
20 kettlebell swings
2 min treadmill

x4
15 (per side) planks with one arm on the ground, one arm doing resistance band rows
20 kb deadlifts

It wasn't an over intense workout, but it felt like every exercise was designed to make me want to throw up. I expressed this to my trainer one of the times I was on the treadmill, and he took the opportunity to describe the sensation of vomiting in such great detail that I started gagging. He's an asshole.

I'm trying to convince him to do a metric century with me and my EMT in January. We'll see how that goes.

We spent a lot of the session talking. All srs bsn about what we want out of life, what we expect of ourselves, how we're perceived by others, or fears of the future.

Back by popular demand: My ass! With the added bonus of holiday socks. Because it's cold out there.

===========

I have a race on Sunday. It was one of the first races I ever did, and the charity that runs it shares my maiden name, so it has a special place in my heart. That said, I have no idea if I'm running the 5k or 10k. The course has some rolling hills, and I've not been running, so I have zero expectations for the race. I assume it will be cold, so that's always fun, and I'm pretty sure no one signed up with me, so I'll have to figure out some way to stash my keys that won't annoy the crap out of me. But, I'm looking forward to it. It's always a good race, and it's maybe 6 miles from my house, so I don't have to wake up too ridiculously early. I should probably look up when it starts at some point.

============

I should probably go for a short run tonight, to shake off the dust, remind my legs that I do occasionally require things of them. I have a backlog of podcasts to pick and choose from, so it will be entertaining, if nothing else. Plus, I might be able to con my brother Sky into running with me.

=============

The upside of feeling sick every time I eat is guaranteed weight loss! The downside is it's probably muscle loss. And it sucks. Because I love eating. And hate feeling nauseated. If it persists I'll probably see a doctor. I can say with 100% certainty that I am not pregnant (which has been suggested to me by a few people). The internet tells me I have ulcers, stomach cancer, a failing gallbladder, stress, and multiple food allergies. Since the internet never lies, I should probably start drawing up a will.

=============

My finish line picture from the ROC 5k.

Let's talk a little bit about taking race pictures from photographer's sites without paying for them, shall we?

To buy a download of this picture, I would pay $26.95. An 8 x 10 would run me $11.86.

These aren't the worse race photo prices I've seen. But, they're not the best.

First, I think all races should just charge every person $5 more, give all that money to the photographers, and give free downloads of all pictures to every race participant. The photographers get money, the races get free pictures, everyone wins. I have yet to see a race do this. But I think it would be awesome.

Instead, race pictures cost a lot of money. And few people are willing to pay for them. Prior to running my first marathon I pre-ordered full digital downloads of every picture I was in. It was my first marathon. I wanted to commemorate the shit out of it. I think I ended up with about 12 good pictures. Which is awesome. I do not regret that purchase. But, I wouldn't do it again. There are so few running milestones that are worth the cost of race pictures.

A game I like to play with race photography websites is this: Can I find a high res picture somewhere in your code? The answer is almost always "yes." Occasionally a photography website will make the mistake of, if you modify a URL or two, giving access to an unwatermarked full resolution picture. Whoa. Jackpot.

Part of me feels like, if this is possible, I have earned that picture. Which isn't true. I'm stealing a picture. I'm downloading something that I'm supposed to pay money for.

And for what? To post the picture on the internet. But, I don't make any money off this blog. Which isn't a free pass.

But.

It bothers me when "big bloggers" (aka the folks who earn enough money from their blogging endeavors to not have a job, or only work part time) steal pictures. Potato potato right (those are pronounced differently in this sentence, okay?)? I'm not profiting from my theft, but they are. Morally, that is apparently where I draw the line. And, while I know I'm being a hypocrite, I feel like people who make money off of the use of stolen pictures are doing more damage than people who don't. And, I could be totally wrong about that.

Enlighten me. Do you use pictures from race photographers without buying them? How do you feel about it? Am I justified in feeling weird about this?

My New Trainer

2011-11-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

No, no, I didn't replace my old trainer. He's still just as awesome, hot and hilarious.

I got a bike trainer!

It came in a few pieces.

But I'm pretty handy, so I put it together all by myself.

Except one part. The skewer on my bike needed to be swapped out for a skewer that fit the trainer.

Except, the stupid release lever on my skewer was too tight. I could not, for the life of me, get it to budge.

There wasn't much I could do. Except take a picture of myself in my pajamas.

My husband came to my rescue with his big, strong man hands. All set to go!

Then it was time to set up a way to track how fast I was going. But, I took one look at the instructions, and gave up for the night.

Last night I drug my brother over to help.

While I laughed at the packaging. "California USA only." Guess I won't be dragging my trainer to Mexico.

The best thing about a bike trainer is I can look at a map while biking if I get lost.

Actually, I was trying to read the instructions for the cyclocomputer. I never got it working completely. The computer part won't communicate with the sensor part unless they're a few inches apart. I think it's a battery issue, but the batteries are pretty standard.

Sky wanted to take a picture of me looking "serious," but then she started singing "Eye of the Tiger," so this is me laughing on the trainer.

This is my srs bsn picture.

I can still use the trainer (and did, for a while, while we tried to figure out the sensor issue). It uses wind resistance, so it's loud, but it's a while noise, so it doesn't bother me.

And, I won't be keeping it in its current location. As much as I want to stare at my back door, I'd rather watch tv while on the bike.

I'm looking forward to mixing up my cardio, since I'm still not too fond of running right now. I'll fall back in love with it eventually, I know. We're just on a break right now.

This is probably the most boring post I've ever posted. Look, I got something I haven't used yet! Exciting!

Whatever. Deal with it.

Ridiculous Obstacle Challenge 5k Race Report

2011-11-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning I met with up my friends Anne, Mike, Eve, and Brian to run the Ridiculous Obstacle Challenge at the LA fair grounds.

Pre-race butt shot.

Other bloggers like to post this shot, and I want to be cool, too, so here is my race bib and legs.

The monkey bars were pretty awesome. Worth noting: When I tried monkey bars during a mud run in March, I couldn't get across. This race? I made it across no problem.

One of the obstacles was inflated balls hanging from rope. And, apparently, they were covered with slime (corn starch, food dye, and water). I was a little grossed out.

Mid run butt picture break.

One obstacle was called the Polar Plunge. It involved pulling yourself through water that had been "enhanced" with lots and lots of ice. How I felt about this:

Mike managed it like a rock star.

Mid run muddy legs.

Post race. Cold and wet, but happy.

We got our race entries for $23, which was absolutely worth it. The obstacles were fun (though, for a cold morning, there was WAY too much water involved). I had a super good time.

====================

I've been having food issues all week. It feels like every time I eat I feel queasy. It started Halloween night, and it hasn't gone away.

On top of it, last night I developed a sore throat.

Shit is just not going my way right now.

Bitch moan, bitch moan. Everyone gets sick. No big deal. No one enjoys it. No point in saying I hate being sick. Etc. etc.

===================

Daylight Saving Time always confuses me. I know it's easy to figure out, but I'm still struggling over whether mornings will suck more, or less. I'm pretty sure it will suck less, but my brain keeps telling me I'm wrong.

====================

I just asked google what the symptoms of throat cancer are. Because my throat hurts, and that's what the internet was invented for.

=====================

They should make chicken broth juice boxes.

=====================

SUPER SHOCKING NEWS!!!!!!

2011-11-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sure it's coming as a huge shock to everyone who has been reading this blog for the last three weeks, but I'm bowing out of the marathon.

My heart hasn't been in it for weeks. My body hasn't been up to par for longer. My husband and trainer have both expressed enough concerns, and I decided I should listen.

I'm not quitting marathons. Maybe. I know that if I gave myself enough time to build up mileage (instead of oh, hey, starting my training with a 16 mile run? Gee, how did I end up injured????) I could improve my marathon time. Since my PR sits at a wonderful 5:15. That's what happens when you train for a marathon by running once a week.

Clearly, I am terrible at this training thing when I try to do it on my own.

Damnit Gym, I'm a Doctor Not A Blog Writer

2011-11-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

The countdown to no more gym begins. As I walked in the gym I thought about not taking gym parking lot pictures (and no longer being mortified that someone would see me taking a picture of my ass). I looked at all the crazy trainers. The guy who hangs upside down. The albino. The guy who yells and jumps a lot and moans like he's having sex.

*sigh*

I lamented to my trainer, and he assured me that he has another gym we can visit on occasion. That will have to do.

Then, he told me he really wishes I would drop out of the marathon. We quit the "spend a month with kettlebells making Rose faster" training because of my dumb ass. And he's really bummed out about it. Plus, he doesn't like what distance running can do to the body.

I still want to drop out. The timing is shitty. I'll be in Napa the weekend before, but I can't just stay up there for a week because I'm kind of looking forward to spending my 30th birthday with my husband. So, I'll drive home from Napa on a Saturday or Sunday, and fly back up to Sacramento the following Friday or Saturday. Which just blows.

Plus. Ug. Training for distance running makes me hate running.

We'll see. I hate quitting more than I hate training for this marathon right now. If the scales change I might just let it happen. I know I did not give myself ample time to train for this the way I would have liked. I assumed a level of fitness coming off the triathlon, but it wasn't enough to jump to 16 miles my first weekend of marathon training. Which is what I did. A stupid start.

Ug. Still rolling around a lot in my brain. I bit off more than I can chew, and it's time to see if I'm willing to deal with the consequences or if I'm secure enough in my runninghood to back out without too much shame.

Anyway, on to the workout.

Foam roll:
IT band
calves
mid-back

4x
15 hamstring curls
24 squats

4x
50 yard backwards sprint with tire tied around my waist
100 yard regular sprint

5x
5 kb squats
5 shoulder presses
5 burpees
30 seconds rest

3x
15 straight leg deadlifts (w/2 25lb plates)
[note: need to work on my grip!!!]

3x
15 (per leg) quad curl
10 (per leg) backward lunges

Confession: I took my daily ass picture. Because, heaven forbid I don't share my ass with the internet once a day to feel better about myself. But. Butt. My sweat pattern looked less like "I just kicked ass at the gym" and more like "I just ate a bunch of those Olean chips from the 90s and sharted!" And I try to keep this place something that *I* would want to read. And I didn't want to look at a sharty picture of myself. For the record: I DID NOT SHIT MYSELF. It was sweat. It just looks damp in all the wrong places. Now, don't get me wrong, if you shit yourself, please take pictures. I might want to see them so I can laugh at you. But, I decided if I didn't want to look at that picture of my ass, I wasn't going to ask anyone else to look at it.

So I took this instead:

==============

Sometimes I get lazy when it comes to meal planning. I always beat my husband home by 1-2 hours every day, so I put myself in charge of dinner. Otherwise we'd be eating at 10pm and I'd kill someone on a nightly basis. I don't do well without food.

So, I try to plan out dinner. Or, at the very least, go to the grocery store on the way home.

Sometimes none of that happens.

Last night, nothing happened dinner-wise.

Thankfully, about 3/4s of a mile from the house, we have a wicked good taco truck.

This was my dinner last night (yes, all of it.):

I believe I consumed enough salsa for it to count as a serving of vegetable? Probably not, but I don't give a shit, because it was delicious.

=================

I'm taking a rest day today. Tomorrow I'm running (well, probably walking) an obstacle challenge 5k with friends. And Sunday I'm making another attempt at that elusive long run. So, today is rest day. I was thinking about running, but my trainer called me a moron and told me not to. I love my trainer.

Speaking of trainers, I *still* haven't put together my bike trainer. How ridiculous is that? Maybe I'll try that tonight, while I'm watching six hours of tv and languishing in the fact that I don't have to take a exercise induced shower.

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Other than my fun race, I have a food truck store opening thing, a birthday party thing, a volleyball bbq thing, and my long run this weekend. I cannot remember the last time I had a true lazy weekend. Maybe in 7th grade? I'm kidding. I'm lucky to have friends who want to hang out with me, and interesting things to go and see. I'm lucky that my weekend "obligations" are all fun things I choose to do. I'm not complaining about being busy, because I will enjoy every single thing (um, maybe not the long run, but the rest). Life is good. But lying on the couch for 12 hours accomplishing nothing is always so tempting. How else am I going to know what's on HGTV at 3pm on a Saturday?

Are any of you doing anything positively thrilling and amazing this weekend? Blow my socks off, people (they're blue argyle socks, in case you're wondering).

Five Mile Foot Long

2011-11-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure I was going to run yesterday. My training schedule went out the window the moment I pulled a butt muscle, and I'm not sure it's time to start following it again.

So, I've been playing things by ear. Which means trying to cater to my laziness while looking like I'm still putting forth the effort.

But, my brother Sky is carless right now. Which means sometimes I drive him home from work, and he borrows my car, and picks me up the next day. Other times he just comes over after work and hangs out all evening, even if he doesn't need anything. I think that's what happens when you live with your in-laws.

Sky and his wife are looking for houses to buy. They're putting an offer on a house about 2.5 miles from my house. So, last night, I suggested Sky and I jog to his potential house and back. He balked at the idea of 5 miles, but agreed anyway.

Probably because he's trying to lose weight.

The run was uneventful for the most part. I kept our pace slow. Sky made noises like he was having a difficult time keeping up, which fed my ego. Nothing hurt.

We passed a house that had three hearses out front (plus one in the driveway).

I'm hoping this is fake blood.

I can't decide if this is a joke.

And then we made it home.

Running clearly does wonders for Sky's weight.

It wasn't the most amazing run in the history of ever, but it was the best run I'd had in three weeks. Which isn't saying a lot, but still.

And, listen, I know Lululemon is ridiculously overpriced and even more overhyped, but this is why I will never regret the pair of pants I bought there:

I am confused as to how a shirt that has been washed a few times can still make me look like I have a hairy ape happy trail.

I think I need to start forcing other people to run with me again. It distracts me, keeps me slow, and holds me accountable.

==================

After the run, Sky threw some giant meat balls (not a euphemism, you guys are fucked up) in the oven. But, he made them too big, and they were taking forever, so I chopped up ever fresh fruit and vegetable we had in the house.

Listen, you guys, I am the best blogger in the whole fucking world. I combined the powers of douchey food blogging with faux hipster fashion blogging and colorblocked my food

That, or I'm a racist, and judge my food by the color of its skin.

I decided that if I ever get rich, I'm going to have a butler great me with trays of freshly chopped fruit and veggies every day. That would be awesome. The apples were the best part. I love crisp, tart apples. I want to jizz all over honeycrisp apples like everyone else seems to, but I balk at the idea of paying two dollars for a single goddamn apple, when it's so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Tart. Please. I need to track down some granny smith apple juice. I bet that shit would be delicious, yo.

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My trainer put in his notice at the gym. Thursdays we usually work out in a gym, instead of his friend's garage. That will end come December. Which means I need to cancel my gym membership. Which means I actually have to talk to the people at the front desk. Which I hate. Maybe I could do it like a bank hold up. Start there and slip them a note. "I would like to cancel my gym membership. Please don't ask me why. I hate talking to people." Okay, maybe I'm not *that* socially awkward. But, I don't deal well with the hard sell. It helps that the only time I ever set foot in the gym is to follow my trainer around.

Anyway, today is gym day. We haven't done legs in a while because of my butt. And we've quit the whole "kettlebells and body weight" thing. Because of my butt. So I'm really hoping I get to do the leg press today. It's one of my favorite things. Mostly because my legs are strong. And I can press more than most of the guys in the gym. Which makes me feel good about myself. I like feeling superior to the people around me. Which is why all my friends have the IQs of children. And they're all grossly overweight so I feel thin all the time.

Those might be lies. My friends are awesome. And regularly make me feel dumb. Because they went to MIT or are lawyer or watch the news. None of which apply to me. I get my news from Tosh.0.

===================

I'm doing the Ridiculous Obstacle Course on Saturday. It appears to be a cross between Wipe Out and a mud run? I don't know. My race companions all vary in running ability, so I'm in it for shits and giggles.

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Speaking of shits and giggles....just kidding. I've got nothing.

The Post In Which I Work Out. And Whine.

2011-11-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

I did not want to work out yesterday.

All day I was in a funk.

But, I went. I mean, I didn't really have a choice.

And, it wasn't the most amazing workout in the history of workouts, but it wasn't my worst. Not by a long shot.

We talked about Halloween. He got pulled over after he left my house, but he hadn't been drinking. Just failed to update his registration sticker.

We talked about my running. Well, I whined about my running, and he told me I should stick to triathlons to save my knees, and I should just quit this marathon business if I want to. And, I do. Want to quit. Just, skip the marathon. Run because I want to. But, I don't want to be a quitter. Blarg.

=======================

x4
12 dumbbell chest presses (25lb dbs)
12 bat wings (lie chest down on the bench, lift really heavy kbs a few inches, hold 5 seconds)
12 kb clean and presses
10 chest to the floor push ups
2 mins @ 6.5mph on the treadmill

x4
20 kb swings
15 rows

======================

After working out, I was dying of thirst (not literally. Hopefully never literally), so I went to the grocery.

This is what Thirsty Rose Grocery Shopping looks like. My brain was in "things that have cold, juicy liquid." That empty container held raspberries at one point, but I ate them on the way home. Without washing them. If I build up immunities to pesticides I'll never die, right? That's how science works, I think.

======================

Then I took my asshole dog for a walk. Does anyone want him? He eats poop and barks randomly in the middle of the night. And sometimes pees on the carpet/my brother if he's in a bad mood.

=======================

And then we went out to dinner, to use a Groupon.

I ate too much bread and hummus, and only finished half of my food, which means I get to eat cabbage for lunch. It's a good thing my office has a window that opens. I am talking about farts. Here's a hint: if you don't know what I'm talking about, it's either dick, or farts. If you don't like that, sucks to be you.

======================

Even though I had an okay workout last night, I'm still Captain McGrumpypants when it comes to exercise. I don't want to run. Ever again. I can't decide if I can get over this by more running, or less running.

The upside is, nothing hurts right now. So, it's a mental barrier. A big stupid ugly mental barrier.

On one hand, I just need to nut up and shut up. Running can be hard. If it were easy, everyone would run marathons. If I can't make it through a rough patch, then maybe I shouldn't do distance running at all. Maybe I'm not cut out for it. Maybe I'm just a big giant pansy. It's never going to get easier if I keep wussing out and whining about it. If I really want to show strength and determination I'll knuckle down and get it done.

On the other hand, why do I run? Do I do it to suck the fun out of everything? If I'm doing this for *me* (and, I am. No one who was not impressed by two marathons will be impressed by three marathons, and my time will never win me the love and admiration of people). If I stop enjoying the journey, why am I still traveling? That metaphor was stupid. If I don't enjoy training for a marathon, why am I training for a marathon?

But, I have small, private, back of my skull fantasies about future athletic endeavors. And, if I quit when the going gets tough now, it doesn't bode well for those endeavors.

Plus, I'm not a big fan of being a quitter.

But, I have to be smart. If I continue to be unable to do the long runs I have on schedule, it does not make sense to do the marathon. I have two more weekends of potential long runs. Which, in all likely hood, means I'll be crabby and hatefilled for the next two weeks. At least in my head.

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On a brighter and cheerier note:

My trainer has a client he trains right after me every Tuesday. For over a year, we briefly see each other once a week, as I'm dripping sweat post workout, and she's warming up pre workout.

Last night she told me I was the buffest she'd ever seen me.

So, that was nice.

7 Years Of Halloween Love

2011-11-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

In an effort to bury the awfulness that is my last post.

My husband and I have celebrated 7 Halloweens together.

2005: Steven Tyler and Captain Liberty (The Tick)

2006: Knight who says "Ni!" and Cheetara (Thundercats)

2007: Animal (The Muppets) and Chun Li (Street Fighter)

2008: Evil Tooth Fairy and Man Bear Pig

2009: Ash (Evil Dead) and Thor

2010: Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and Two-Face

2011: Aquaman and Macho Man Randy Savage

I'm glad I found someone who enjoys Halloween as much as I do.