Flex It Out

Workout:

x5
1 minute treadmill @7mph
1 minute bike standing
10 chest presses (two 30lb dumbbells)
10 squat and rows
10 kettlebell clean and presses
1 minute rope
10 per side sledgehammer tire swings

Sky worked out with me. I finished 7 minutes before him.

While I was waiting for him to be done I did 3 turkish get ups per arm, then two 40 second planks.

Then we messed around with weighted squats. The homework my trainer assigned me has been loosening up my shoulders, but I'm still not ready to squat the 40lb bar. I'm getting closer, though, and that's awesome. I showed my trainer a stretch called the shoulder dislocater (note: does not dislocate shoulders), so that's been added to future homework to progress my shoulders faster.

And then I died.

At least, I smelled like something died.

Sky reacting to my stench.





And then I came home and jogged the dog for almost a mile (stupid loop in my neighborhood is JUST shy of a mile, so I feel lame calling it a mile, but it basically is. Basically.)

Now, I haven't been in a gym in months. So, I have a surplus of brotard building up in my muscles. I had to flex it out. My arms were so swole.





Ahhhhh, now I feel better.

Tonight I have an easy reverse brick. That should feel nice.

Bike Fartleks. Ish.

Workout: 45 minutes on the bike trainer



Note: I was too lazy to post the single picture I took last night, but this picture from last week never made it on the blog. There you go.

My Monday training is usually at whatever level I want to go. I can (and usually do) do it easy. But I don't have to.

Last night I decided to play around with it. I warmed up a bit, then did gear ladders, sticking with each gear for a minute, then doing a minute at the next highest gear, until I hit the highest one. I did this a few times, with some normal biking in between. Then I broke 10 minutes up into five 2 minute chunks. I'd start each chunk doing a standing sprint at the highest gear, and hold it as long as I could. Once I pussed out I would ride normally until the 2 minutes were over. I could only hold the stand for 30 to 45 seconds, but I wasn't in a "push yourself HARD" mode. I could have gone for longer if I needed to.

My friends Marla and Andrew showed up right as I was finishing the bike, so I conned them into slowly jogging the dog for a mile to give him his exercise.

Then I did my homework, including pull ups, while they talked about the web series they're shooting. Life in L.A. is interesting.

For dinner we went to Vin Loi Tofu, a vegan place in our neighborhood. They were one of the caterers to our wedding, and the owner always remembers us. He started running two years ago, and swore he'd run one marathon and quit. Two years, nine marathons, and 16 half marathons later he's training for an Iron Man. This shit be addicting, yo.

I've been having exercise related minor anxiety dreams lately. Last night in my dream I was back in college, and there was a pool next to my dorm, but you weren't allowed to swim laps in it. The night before I stumble across a costumed relay run, where you changed costumes every 5k, and I was pissed I didn't get to sign up for it.

Brickenstocks

This is what sucking looks like:





I hate biking.

Hard running isn't easy, physically or mentally, but it's a fuckload easier than biking hard. I think it's just because I've been doing it longer, so I can mentally retreat while pushing myself. But biking just seems so hard for so long. It hurts and it sucks and a little part of me keeps suggesting I just slow down and stop trying. That's the worst part. I can suck up the physical difficulty for the most part. Even when the part of my quads just above the knee are burning like a disco inferno, that's not the tough part. The tough part is how mentally difficult it is to keep pushing hard. I feel like that has to get easier, or I'll never be a fast biker. And, fuck, there are tons of people who are not fast bikers. So, maybe it doesn't get easier for everyone. Maybe it won't get easier for me.

But, then again, the speed I'm going when I'm feeling this is getting faster. So, I am getting faster. My tri coach told me a few weeks ago "it doesn't get easier, you just go faster." And hey, look, he's right. I mean, he's always right, but it's still worth pointing out.

But it still sucks.

The run was glorious. I warmed up slow. Easy first mile to warm up my hips. Slightly faster second mile to shake off the dust. Come to mile three, cranked it up. Started at 9mph. Held that for half a mile, then cranked it up to 9.5mph. For the last stretch I pulled out 10mph. It felt good. I love running. Sometimes I don't like it, but I still love it.

The push ups were cake, too. I'm good at push ups.

Sky worked out with me. He was on the bike while I ran, then switched. He's been secretly working out, so there's a chance he might beat me at this triathlon. I'm going to have to be okay with that.



But if he does beat me, he said I'm literally allowed to kick his ass.



This week is a bike heavy week. That's good, considering my feelings on the bike. The more time I spend with the bike, the less shitty it will be. Familiarity breeds...um...something good. Yup.

Do These Leggings Make Me Look Too Muscular?

Do these leggings make me look too muscular?





Also, for my nerd porn:





To preemtively answer all questions: Black Milk Clothing. Yes I paid for them. If they c/oed me I'd...I don't know, a whole fucking lot. This company is goddamn amazing.

That's all.

How To Feel Like A Pussy While Running 10mph

How To Feel Like A Pussy While Running 10mph:
1. Be told you should do five one minute sprints at 12mph
2. Realize your treadmill doesn't go past 10mph

Boo!

Upside? 10mph is too slow for sprinting for me. Which is cool, right?



10 minutes @ 7mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
1 min @ 10mph
1 min @ 6mph
10 minutes @ 8mph

Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 3.84mph
Calories burned: 575 HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA fuck exercise machines lie their asses off when it comes to this. I was dying the whole run. That number is absurd.



I just realized my treadmill makes me stare at our beer fridge.

Confession: I am terrified of falling off the treadmill. It doesn't have the side rails I'm used to, so it's really difficult for me to dismount.

Which means, for the first time ever, I wore the stupid treadmill clippy thing, so half my face didn't get torn off when I fell off the stupid thing.



Yeah, that's weird looking. Whatever.

Afterward I grabbed the dog and jogged with him for the almost mile loop through my neighborhood.

And then I did my homework.



It takes me just under 15 minutes to get through my homework. And it feels good.

I also managed another three sets of 2 pull ups. Sucks balls, yo. But, it sucks SLIGHTLY less each time, which is a good sign.

Not a good sign? The bottoms of my feet hurt. Right now. When I wake up. Not all the time. Just sometimes. Weird. I'll worry about that later.

In two weeks it will be triathlon-eve. And now I'm all nervous. Ug.


The End.

Lapped and Laps

Workout:

x5 this:


Sky came with me.



I love sledge hammering shit. I bumped up to the 16lb sledge hammer.





I started one thing ahead of Sky, and ended up lapping him during the final circuit. Fuck yeah.

===============

Next it was swim time.

100m easy
100m hard 1:53
10 minutes easy
100m hard 1:54

Disco pool party.



Wearing goggles feels like a contact sport sometimes.





Man, I love what actually training does to my body. And this is me eating meh. I lasted about a week being a food nazi. I'm back to cookies and pork rinds and shit. This is why I dance around naked in my bathroom. Life is good. I'd probably look better if I had a tan, though. Muscle definition, I mean. I enjoy being pale usually.

Morning Ugly

Morning Run!

I had a 25 minute easy run on my schedule. My body is stupid, and I was up at 7:30am anyway, so I decided "morning run!" Yeah, that went well. I hate running in the morning, and my body was hating on running period. It didn't go well. Lame. I look angry because it's early, and I suffer from a rare medical condition called Morning Ugly. I'll be doing fundraisers for it in the future I'm sure.

But, hey, it meant I was done with exercise for the day. Yay!



Bic Bands!

B.I.C. Bands is one of the sponsors of my Ragnar Team. Sandy sent me two sparkly bands, and you guys, I'm a believer. Okay, I haven't ran in them yet, but I wore one all night. And, you guys, I have a deformed head, I swear, since every headband I use slips off eventually. But these? Don't. Holy shit!



Homework!

When I got home from work I threw on The Biggest Loser (too much drama, not enough workout porn), and did my homework. I managed to do all three sets of 2 pull ups. Fuck yeah. Still loving the homework. Being told what to do, and being held accountable for it, is awesome.



Race Pictures!

Why pay for race pictures when I can steal them online! Okay, I still have mixed feelings about this. If I made money off this blog I'd feel shitty about it. But, I don't. Technically I've probably lost money on this blog from shipping fun things to people. Oh well. I'm not in it for the money. I'm in it to force as many people as possible to look at pictures of my ass. Short of being the next goatse, this will do.

This is me coming down the final stretch on Sunday. I'm catching air. Sweet.



Being awesome is tough you guys. I'm exhausted too often. I'm cranky pants. I miss everything being easy and awesome all the time. Getting better is HARD. I almost wish I could go back to not caring how well I did. Almost.

Um. Workout Related Title?

My trainer made fun of me for wearing pink today.

Workout:

x5
20 lunges with dumbbell curls
10 push ups with opposite arm/leg lifts at the top

30 kb swings
30 squats
30 sledgehammer tire swings
20 kb swings
20 squats
20 sledgehammer tire swings
10 kb swings
10 squats
10 sledgehammer tire swings

x5
2 minutes on the bike
5 tire flips (FUCK YEAH TIRE FLIPS)

x3
20 (per side) raised leg toe touch crunches
60 second plank

I hate planks.

I was tired when I walked in to the garage to train. I'm always tired. My trainer laughed at me and told me I'm trying to do too much. That's fair. I'm already mapping out post-triathlon plans. I am throwing in a week of not doing a damn thing, though. That counts for something, right?

Anyway, I got home to a crock pot full of pork tenderloin and bbq sauce. Easy as shit, delicious.

But, before I ate or showered, I did my homework.



This is my attempt to show you the bretzel.



Note: I am doing it wrong. My flexibility sucks donkey balls. It doesn't help that I hate stretching. I've always had flexibility issues. I couldn't touch my toes without bending my knees as a kid. That's just sad.

Anyway, having this homework is really good for me. It's making me stretch daily. Well, at least three times a week. I need to put more focus on the pull ups. They're tough and I'm lazy.

I'm still sore from Sunday. My quads and hamstrings. Normal aches. My knee feels fine now (still concerns me). My hips ache when I sit properly at my desk and while driving, but...that's normal at this point.

Yup.

Pasadena Rock'n'Roll Half Marathon

Chip Time: 1:50.56
Pace: 8:28
Age Group: 34th out of 606



I have built myself a nest of everything I might need on my couch. I have no plans of moving, all day. I will soil myself on this couch. My legs hurt.

I'm trying to remember the last time I ran further than 9 miles. And, the 9 miles I ran two weeks ago was in preparation for this. Before that, my last long run...I don't even know.

Obviously, I've been keeping myself in shape. But, for the first time in a long time I hit limits on my legs. With all the speed work I've been doing, I've grown used to hitting my lung threshold while my legs are still a-okay. I forgot what it was like to feel fine *except* my legs.

Well, until this morning.

The only preparation I did coming in to this race was to be a bad ass. I've been tired and spent all week. And cranky. And rude. Mostly tired.

Why do I have so many excuses? Look at my race time. I'm fucking proud of that.

Beyond the pride, I have two overwhelming thoughts:

1. How stupidly was I training before that I could have a 20 minute PR without really training this time?
2. What am I capable of when I train?

I have another half in May. There's a lot going on in March, but I should, at the very least, have all of April to train. Which isn't enough time to, say, bring my A game, but it will give me an idea of what I want to do with myself. Maybe I could hit 1:45. That would be neat. We'll see.

Anyway, the race.

Let's see.

The expo: Ug. I don't understand why I have to drive 45 minutes each way and pay $9 to park so I can pick up a piece of paper. Charge me $20 and mail it to me. Please. Plenty of people will still go to the expo and buy shit, but I won't have to sit in a car for too long just to grab my bib.

The race: Parking was $15, and I am cheap, so I opted for the $5 satellite parking lot. My alarm went off at 6am. I was parked by 6:45am. It was a 1.4 mile walk to the start line, which was fine. It was chilly, so it was a good way to warm up. Added bonus of making small talk with other runners on the way. Mostly "why is it so cold?"

Start line was easy to find. I was in corral 3, which made me feel like a bad ass. I was nervous. My stomach was doing that first date dance. That "I'm already strapped in to the roller coaster but maybe I changed my mind" dance. Thankfully, I have joined the Garminions, so I had something to futz with and keep me distracted.

And then, it was go time.

My goal was to dance around 9 minute miles. The course was a little hilly, so as long as I averaged 9, I knew I'd be okay. It felt like a solid goal, while still stretching me out of my comfort zone.

I think I nailed it.



What?

I kept thinking "slow down. You won't be able to keep this up."

When that didn't work I thought "oh well, at least I'm banking time for when I slow down later."

And, it felt like I slowed down. Constantly. Honestly, the whole race it felt like my watch was lying to me about my pace. It didn't feel like I was going "fast."

But, there it was.

In between miles 4 and 5 I realized this race would be made or broken by my hips. They'd been bothering me all week. They bother me whenever I push myself. I don't know why. But, after mile 4 they started to ache. Normally they don't hurt *while* I run (just after). So, there was that.

At the halfway point my right knee started to twinge.

I did what I do best. I ignored it. I kept going.

I wasn't really pushing myself. I was, a little, but, I wasn't trying to break any records. I kept waiting for my body to freak the fuck out, so I was banking energy, too.

Mile 9 hit me pretty hard. I was playing the "4.1 miles? ANYONE can run 4.1 miles!" game. Didn't help. I kept glancing at my watching. I could feel my legs, really FEEL them. I wondered how far I could go. All the way apparently.

I took a Gu at mile....9? Ish. I never took any water. I don't know why. I don't know if it would have help.

Anyway, final mile, final push. Finish line. Finished. Holy shit.

Water. Gatorade. A medal. And then, holy shit, a race blanket. For the first time ever, I finished a race fast enough to merit a race blanket. Mostly, I took it because it was cold out and I was in a tank top.



And then I hobbled 1.4 miles (uphill) back to my car, muttering "fuck fuck fuck" under my breath, but graciously smiling and thanking the people I passed. My legs hurt so bad.

But, I made it to my car. And took stupid pictures. And drove my cracker ass home. I crawled into the shower, then built a nest. And hit refresh on the race site to get my *real* time, since Garmins are liars, yo.

All Aboard

Warning: Fake Smile

Workout:

x5
20 kb swings

Attempt 2 at KB v02 max test: Failed in forth minute.
Attempt 3 at KB v02 max test: Failed in second minute.

Excuse:



No amount of chalk was preventing my pre-existing callouses from getting tore the fuck up. The pain was not worth whatever benefit I was getting from the test. Two days was not enough for my hands to heal from the previous test.

Failure. Choked back tears. Moved on.

x2
10 chest presses (two 30lb db)
10 (per side) backward lunges with sledgehammer lift at the top
20 step ups
0.25 mile run

After two rounds something in my back/shoulder region felt stabby. Fuck. Another failure.

x2
10 (per side) single leg squats
10 (per side) lunges
20 step ups

x4
20 cone touches (giant band around my waist, trainer holding me back)
10 (per side) side stepping cone touches.

And then he gave me homework.



===============

I really want to type "I don't know what my problem is." But, I know what my problem is. I'm exhausted. Spent. I just need time. This isn't something I can muscle through or shake off. I just need to wait it out.

It's a good thing I only have a half marathon this weekend. Oh shit.

Better

Ran: 30 minutes
Swam: 30 minutes

Things are obviously getting better because I only thought about curling up and crying a few times. All the times involved cold.

The run was slow and cold. My legs didn't want to go faster so I never got warm enough. I was wishing for a scarf the whole time. The run also reminded me what it felt like back when 10 minute miles were tough. I wasn't tracking my distance or pace last night (and still got back to my car within a minute of when I was supposed to. Bam!), but it couldn't have been great. My legs were heavy. My knees hurts. Moving forward was rough. I assume I'll be able to run normally again at some point. I'm running a half marathon on Sunday, so I guess we'll find out then.

The swim was fine, but the brief period between exiting the shower in the locker room and submerging myself in the water was chilly. 30 minutes was the longest I'd been in water since September, but it went by. I decided to count my laps by playing the alphabet game. Name things with each letter per lap. I made it to W (just like a white winged dove), which means I did 23 laps in just over 30 minutes. I will never be a fast swimmer, but I can only assume this is shitty. I don't care. But it's not the "everything sucks fuck the world I am EMO HEAR ME WHINE" type of "I don't care" that I've been dragging around all week. It's more of a "if I knew how to swim properly I'd get better but I can't really teach myself so this will do, pig, this will do."

Oh, the swim.

My brain has not been functioning recently, as is clear by...everything.

So, this morning I grabbed my bathing suit from the drying rack before I left for work.

Or so I thought.

See, I grabbed two pieces of bathing suit. Both were tops. I am unclear how even the foggiest section of my brain could think that my disco top and my orange scaly top could possible be put together in any combination that would be acceptable at a public pool.

I did briefly wonder if there was any way I could wear a top as a bottom.

NO.

Thankfully, knowing full well that I am 100% stupid at least 10% of the time, I had a back up in the car.



Now, I haven't worn this suit in a while. It was...a little loose putting it on dry. Once I was in the water it...well. The bottom rose up a little too far in the back, and the top hung down a little too far in the front. Nothing was sagging. Everything was just a little more seductive than one would want in a public pool.

I should probably switch out my emergency swim suit. Or actively start making passes at the hottie life guard. He had one of those beards that said "I like reggae music and flannel shirts and camping at the beach drinking IPA and beat up trucks and I'm 18 I swear." I might have added that last part to make myself feel better.

But, I do feel better.



Not dancing in the street in my rain boot and a tutu life is delicious better. Not there yet. But I'm no longer so exhausted that I only have the energy to hate and loathe. Big improvement over the last few days.

Tonight's Workout

x5
20kb swings

Timed v02 max trial:

minute 1: 10 snatches right arm
minute 2: 14 snatches left arm
minute 3: 18 snatches right arm
minute 4: 22 snatches left arm
minute 5: as many snatches as possible right arm

I was 18 snatches in to minute 5, with 20 seconds to go, when the bell flew out of my hand, bounced off of (and dented) the box jump box, and crashed to the floor. FUCK.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. So pissed. So close. FUCK.

x4
12 sledge hammer tire swings per side
20 step ups on the tire while holding 16lb sledge hammer over my head
15 jumps from the center of the time to straddling the center hole

x3
planks. felt like 20 minutes. probably more like 1 minute.

The End.

That's all I have. It's clear I'm still spent from Sunday. I couldn't be bothered to take any pictures. Don't care. Maybe tomorrow.

I ate half a chicken while standing at the kitchen counter. Was hungry. Felt like a bear.

This is a bear.



See? You learned something today.

Fuck.

Here is a picture of my dog chewing on a bone.

Cactus To Clouds: A Hike

Stats:

Distance: 23 miles
Total elevation gain: 10,400 (8k over the first 12 miles, 2.4k over the following 6)

5th hardest day hike in the country



Our stats:

Start time: 4:15am
Amount of sleep: 2.5 hours
Time it took up: 16 hours
Deals Todd made with God if we survived: 1
# of times I screamed "are you fucking kidding me?": Too many to count



A 4:15am start time meant we slept in Palm Springs the night before. Well, "slept." 3 normal people in a hotel room with someone who snores like a dinosaur was not a great way to kick off this hike. At best I got two and a half hours of sleep. Likely less. Wes, the snorer, got a solid 5 hours. Todd got maybe an hour. Manny didn't sleep at all. This colored the rest of our day.

A few miles in we got our sun rise.



Posing with the scenery. At this point things were still enjoyable.



The tallest visible peak? Yeah. Once we hit THAT we'd be halfway there.



Halfway done with the hike. 8,000 feet climbed. The last time we attempted this hike, this was as far as we got. The last time we attempted this hike I felt pretty good at this point. This time, I was already done.



The second half was all covered with snow and ice, which meant putting on crampons (basically, strapping spikes to my shoes).



The only way we knew we were on the right track is the tracks in front of us.



And then...lots of miles. Lots of cold, hard, never ending miles. The signs said 5.5 miles, but, fuck, it felt like so much more. At some point the ration of curse to none curse words in my thoughts got kind of messed up. That's as much as I want to think about that point in the hike.

Summit!



The view from the top. Almost worth it.



Kicking back at the top.



Proof that *I* made it, and didn't quit on the way to the top, lie about it, and steal some pictures. And I totally never considered that.



Video from the top.



The final 6 miles back down to the tram were a race to beat the setting sun. The wind was blowing snow over the tracks. The tracks that were our only way to tell where the trail was. Yeah. We were all tired and miserable and the wind was ripping through the mountain, slamming against us.

Finally fucking done. I look way better than I felt.



Conclusion. Never again. NEVER AGAIN. Everything leading up to the hike was fun and hilarious. The company was wonderful. I was well fed and well hydrated. I was tired the whole time. I was unhappy most of the time. We all were. We all entertained thoughts of quitting.

I don't know what exactly went wrong. We had everything we needed. Lack of sleep played a HUGE factor, I know. I don't know if that was entirely it. Everything was just...off. If I had known what it would be like when I woke up Sunday morning, I would not have gone. It's a hike I will never do again. I don't know who I'd recommend it to. I'm pretty awesome. But, it's a seriously hard hike. I don't know. I feel like we failed somehow. It was much, much harder than I thought of we be. Yes, I knew it was the 5th hardest day hike in the country. Hardest in California. And yet, I didn't think it would be this hard. User error in that regard.

It was beautiful. I'll give it that. And, yeah, I feel pretty bad ass for finishing it. The company was awesome. I'm sure my legs are stronger because of it.

I don't know. It was a long, hard day.