I Am Not A Role Model

I ran again last night.  Someone throw me a goddamn parade!

Same trails.  I did the smaller loop (somewhere between 3 and 3.5 miles I think.  I have it written down somewhere, but I'm really trying not to focus on any numbers) because I was pressed for time.  I did it backwards, though, so I had one long awful stretch of uphill.



It was fucking awesome.  It was hard.  My legs burned.  My lungs wheezed.  It was great.  Nothing but the sound of the wind and my feet hitting the dirt and my wheezing.

The short loop is more traveled, so there were no interesting fauna this trip.  The flora was still fantastic to stare at while spacing out, so it doesn't really matter.

Does this mean my running mojo is back?

No.  I mean, probably not.  I'm enjoying the running, but I'm having to force myself to start each run.  I'm not fluttering through the day with anticipation.  I'm not sure I ever did that, though, to be fair.

What it really comes down to is the numbers.  Once I start paying attention to the numbers am I going to freak out, light everything on fire, and walk away again?  Don't know.  I guess I'll find out eventually, but right now I'm still easing in.  Don't want to fuck everything up.

Since my brother wanted to be on a stupid diet, I kind of put myself on a stupid diet as well.  I am acknowledging that it is stupid.  I don't need to diet, or "diet" or """"""diet"""""" or whatever.  What the hell just happened?  Oh.  Um.  Food.  Sky's doing super low carb (half assed keto diet.  Ish.) because he can eat the same thing every day and not get bored, and he and I both like to push our bodies to the extreme.  So, I'm doing that too, I guess.  Listen:  any eating plan where pork rinds are better than an apple is not something you should be doing normally, okay?  There is a time and place for it for some people.  Most people?  No.  Don't do it.  Okay?

That said, it's fun.  I'd rather have fat than carbs any day of the week.  Lots of odd sensations.  My body keeps trying to convince me that I'm starving to death.  I'm not.  It's cool.  I'm tracking everything.  It's not a normal "I need food."  It's weird.  The internet says it's normal.

I'm mostly just doing this because I'm bored, and I want to keep Sky company for the next month.  Again, we both like to test the limits of our bodies.  Sometimes in stupid ways.  Because we can.  It's interesting to tinker with stuff like this.  Mostly, I get bored.  Plus, this makes me have to be more creative in the kitchen.  How can I shove more fat in to every meal?  Stuff like that.

tl;dr:  I'm doing stupid food shit because I'm bored.  Don't do it yourself, because it's stupid.  How many times can I say stupid?  Does this sound defensive enough?  Should I say "stupid" a few more times?