7am, and the neighbor's gardener is mere feet from where I'm sleeping, weed whacking along the fence. Fuck.
What greets me when I step outside my bedroom. One is begging for food, the other for a walk.
Instead I hide away in the guest bedroom, where I keep my bike trainer. I think this face is saying "fuck I look awful in the morning." Morning Ugly. Serious medical condition. Coming soon to a webmd.com near you.
One hour and 16.something miles later, I'm in a much better mood. Well, as good a mood as I an be in, considering a stupid weed whacker woke me up 1.5 hours before I needed to be up.
I walk my stupid dog.
Get dressed.
And drive to work.
This is riveting shit, right?
The first thing I do when I get to work is get myself a cup of coffee.
30 minutes later I'm on cup #2, and finally ready to deal with my employees.
I do normal work shit in the morning. Shift through too many emails. Deal with small problems. Put out fires.
Around 10am I eat "breakfast," aka a family size back of spicy pork rinds. Sorry, gents, I'm taken, as sexy as this is. Don't judge me, because they're fucking delicious.
Okay, judge me. It is kind of gross.
For lunch I run to the store and pick up break room supplies and vending machine stock.
Plus, you know, actual lunch.
And a quick stop at the bank so I can pay my personal trainer. I'd love to say he crafts this body for free, but, alas, no.
"I drink diet coke" is the only caption I could think of for this.
Lunch.
I eat at my desk every day. Sometimes I work. Sometimes I just browse the internet. I'm an introvert. Lunch is "me" time. It doesn't stop people from coming in to my office while I'm mid-chew and asking me for things. But, hey, I'm the boss. It's my job. But, if I sat in the break room I'd have to socialize through lunch, and I don't think I could handle that every day.
Chugging 32 oz of water.
Stocking the vending machine. I think I'm the only one who buys the oreos.
Still working on my sandwich. I keep getting distracted and interrupted.
The rest of my day is equally thrilling. Writing some copy for a promotional email. Looking up sales figures. Small business usually means jack of all trades.
5pm means time to head to my trainer's. I change in my office.
I am perpetually early to things. I park across the street with 8 minutes until I'm supposed to roll in the door, so I play AndroidMinion on my phone.
A quick pause in my trainer's lobby to take an ass picture in the mirror, and I'm good to go.
No pictures of me training because I'm pretty sure my trainer doesn't know I have a blog, and it would just feel weird.
We talked about Tosh.0 and Workaholics and physical deformations and midget vaginas.
Workout:
x4
5 35lb single arm dumbbell cleans (per side)
10 (per side) reverse lunges while doing rope slams the whole time
25 push ups using gymnastics rings
x3
60 second plank
15 (per side) toe touch crunches
We spent a lot of times on the cleans. The apartment gym is lacking in the dumbbell department. The dumbbells jump in weight from 10lbs to 35lbs. So, the 35lbs was definitely a struggle. We tried adding jumps to my clean to make it better. I focused a lot on form, because at that weight poor form could fuck my shit up.
My trainer complimented me on gaining the weight back, and I admitted to eating like shit for the past few weeks "because I could." While physically I mostly can, considering how much I work out, and how awesome my genes are (mostly the genes, to be fair), it's still not GOOD for me to eat poorly on a regular basis. So, I need to reign it in. A little bit.
Workout done.
We have no meat thawed at home, so I swing by the grocery store, and get distracted by pork rinds. Single track mind.
Hot food line. I got grilled chicken and carnitas. Mmmmmmm.
On the drive home I eat a pound of strawberries. It's only three miles. I was hungry.
I dump the groceries on the counter and hop in the shower.
I like ducks.
My husband was working late, so he told me to eat without him. I put on The Glee Project. I enjoy the show, even though I quit watching Glee halfway through last year.
Dinner part 2. And then I watched move tv, read for an hour, and went to bed.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNow with grammar that won't embarrass me:
ReplyDeleteI'm like, "You're the boss! Don't you have people to do shit like stock the vending machines??" But then you said it was a small business so I guess that's okay. :)
holy crap you eat a lot. But you also use your food for fuel because you are a work out machine.
ReplyDeleteyet I didn't see mini quiches or wine on that food list. lol. or crab rangoon from the china house down the road.
Wow, I can see a movie from this. Angelina Jolie as the lead with guns and action.
ReplyDeleteholy crap you eat a lot
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author
ReplyDeleteThis post cracked me up. I love that you'll put that first thing in the morning picture up on your blog just because it's a crappy picture of you. I actually put TWO hideous pictures up of myself on my last post (as you know) which is something of a miracle. Best thing about being my own editor is getting to choose only more flattering pictures of myself.
ReplyDeleteI eat in the lunchroom, but I vastly prefer browsing the internet to socializing with my coworkers (aka listening to them complain and getting sucked into the negativity). This week I was in workshops and got dragged along to lunch a couple times when all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and write my damn race report.
I'm with Kate. Is it bad if I say that the very first picture of you was enough to make me laugh, thereby brightening MY morning?. I also agree that your soon-to-be-released book, will be a best-seller. Pics included; film at eleven.
ReplyDeleteAll the people who commented you eat a lot of food...I'm surprised. Looks pretty good to me. Although, you eat a shitload of fruit. I'm really jealous and I could seriously use with half a watermelon and a spoon right about now.
ReplyDeleteI also poop a lot, so it all evens out.
DeleteI'm going to be really nosy--what kind of day-job do you do? Because minus the vending-machine stocking, it looks an awful lot like my job. :)
ReplyDeleteUm, you don't eat that much. What is wrong with people? You do eat a lot of fruit though, I'll just say. I didn't realize your trainer didn't know you had a blog! Mine is aware, but avoids it. Today I told him never to search my blog for his name, and he was surprised that you could search blogs (likely is surprised you can search the internet.)
ReplyDeleteOk, is that a collection of ducks on the wall behind you in that second picture??
ReplyDeleteThanks for the pic of pop tarts in the cart. I've thought about pop tarts no fewer than 10 times since I saw that. Oh, the power of persuasion.
Am I lame for totally loving this and getting to stalk you courtesy of you?? Am I lame for wanting to know more about midget vaginas?
ReplyDelete