Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Garage Workout: TECHNIQUE, part 2: MORE TECHNIQUE!

So, I never uploaded any pictures of my sweaty ass last night, because I was trying to be social, and I went to bar trivia. I knew like, four things, all night. And was very adamant about one answer being wrong (it wasn't). My team still won, after I left. Ha. I got home at 11:30pm and promptly went to bed, where I slept poorly, because that's how my body rolls, yo.

So here is a picture of me licking Anne.

What we talked about:

Not much. Today was a focus day. Exciting for me, boring for everyone else on the planet. Oh, I did talk a lot about flinging 500lbs of kettlebell force into my crotch. And my trainer did yell "CLEAN THAT SNATCH!" at me once, which really didn't help my form. Bastard.

The workout:

So, if I'm going to start doing shit with heavier kettlebells, my form needs to be perfect. Things like turkish get ups? With heavier weight? And improper form? Kettlebell on my face. And, while my face isn't my moneymaker (that's my ass, in case you're keeping track), I'm still kind of fond of it, most of the time. So, I'd rather not drop 35+lbs on it, you know?

So, lots of little tweaks. Figure out a position. Do a stretch to increase range of motion. Practice a single movement. Over and over. Be told how I'm doing it wrong. Try to explain that my body doesn't bend that way. Repeat.

But, I didn't cry. And that's always a plus.

After that, my trainer decided he wanted to make me do something HARD.

So, we did ladders.


(Note: All of these are double fisted, meaning two goddamn kettlebells. Asshole)
Strict Presses

Holy shit.

I hit failure on my left arm for the last round, but I was TRYING. Oh, man, the last three rounds were awful. I was panting. I thought I was going to cry or vomit or shit myself.


I know. I know that sounds weird. But, you guys, I don't challenge myself very often. I figure out what I am capable of and just revel in that. I don't push the limits. My trainer is good about making me push the limits, to a point. He doesn't like to have me do stuff to failure, because I'm really good at hurting myself.

So, while it was an ego bruise, it was also AWESOME.

Bonus points: Kind of sore today. I don't really get sore anymore, so score!

Second Bonus: Thursday we're usually in the gym, but we're garaging it again. I'm hoping for deadlifts. Fingers crossed.


Have you ever done bar trivia? Are you any good at it?

Do you read blog posts that don't have pictures? I like pictures. I am a child.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Trail Run + Swim = YAY

Last night I had scheduled a 30 minute run and a 30 minute swim.


I took the short loop on my favorite trails. I wanted to track my stats, so I traded out my camera for my phone. This means there are no mouth breather running pictures of me. I'm sure your heart is breaking.

Runkeeper must have ignored the note I added for this run, which read "if I had balls they would be sweaty."

It was really, really sunny out. Which meant it was really, really hot. But, hey, that's fine. In 26 days I'll be kicking the sun's ass in Arizona, so I better get used to it, right?

Speaking of ass, every time my ass crack sweats I think about those anal leakage chips. Olestra? Yeah.


5 min warm up
cool down until full 30 min.

Daunting. 750m is the distance for my tri.

An, I did it. In 18:28. Which is fine. I can do better. I've certainly done worse. But now I know how the distance *feels*, and that's the important part.

Plus, it does wonders for my hair.

As I was leaving the pool area, it was possible someone was shouting my name. It was also possible that they were shouting something completely different. My ears get a little retarded. This happens to me a lot, and I always feel so stupid looking around when people are NOT calling out to me (because everyone is watching everything I do, you see). So, I just ignored it. Maybe my best friend from first grade was at the pool. I'll never know.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Brick Brick Brick // Brick Brick


Brick brick brick brick brick.

Brick brick? Brick BRICK. Brick brick.


Brick brick brick.

Brick brick brick brickbrick. Brick brick brick brick brick brick brick. Brick brick brick. Brick. Brick brick brick? BRICK BRICK. Brickbrick brick brick brick brick *brick*. Brick. Brick brick brick brick brick.


BRICK. Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick. Brick brick BRICK.

Brick? Brick brick. *brick*


Brick brick brick brickbrick brick.


Brick brick brick?

Brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick?

Plan For The Week

Do you have runner store or bike shop loyalties?

What did you do for exercise this weekend?


Monday: 30 minute run (trails), 30 minute swim
Tuesday: Garage training
Wednesday: 60 minute bike, 10 minute run (brick!)
Thursday: Gym training
Friday: 35 minute swim
Saturday: Disneyland 5k (in costume)
Sunday: Disneyland Half Marathon


Speaking of bricks, I had a failed attempt at one on Friday. I made it 15 minutes into my bike ride before my back tire went flat.

So, I was 2 miles from my car. And, you guys, I still don't know a lot about bikes. For some reason I thought pushing the bike back to the car would hurt the rims? I don't know.

So. I carried the bike. The whole way. My shoulders are still a little sore. But, not as sore as my pride.

This is how dirty you get carrying a bike 2 miles.

And then, oh man, I had to cheat on my favorite bike shop, since they close at 6pm. But the guys at the new bike shop were also very nice. And put a new tube in while I waited. So, I don't know, man.

Don't worry, I did a real brick Sunday.


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Vacation Recap Part 2 of 2: Blackberry Festival!

When last we met I had just fled the Bay Area.

Destination: TRUE Northern California. Up where the redwoods grow, and the people are slow. Or something. Mendocino County. HOME. Ish.

I grew up in a small town in Northern California. My wonderful friend Howard grew up an hour away, in an even smaller town.

We met 12 years ago. The first time we met I threatened to beat him up. We've fast friends ever since.

So, when he told me his town has a yearly blackberry festival, I invited myself up to stay with him for the weekend, which inspired my whole trip. I'm a little bit pushy like that.

So, friend, after fleeing the cool fog of the Bay Area, I headed deeper North.

Is it weird that I have a favorite tree? I pass it every time I drive "home." It's the platonic form of tree (to me). Oak trees are awesome.

The views out the car window just got prettier.

And prettier.

And pre-oh, wait. "Downtown" in my home town. Awesome.

While "home," I drove up to visit my oldest brother. He, along with most of the hill people, lives behind a locked gate.

I'm pretty sure it's worth it for the view, though.

I also met up with the town "mayor" (aka the really friendly homeless guy).

Ate some blackberries.

Played with my friend's itty bitty kitty.

And then it was time to hit the windy country road to my friend Howard's house.

So, Howard's town is small enough that his instructions, when I rolled in to town, if my phone didn't work, to pull in to the one gas station, step outside my car, and yell his name.



I didn't get a chance to test this, because my phone worked, but the first thing Howard said to me was "I can see you." The he climbed through a hole in the fence and welcomed me to his home town.

He pulled me in to a huge dinner party, with people named Yoyo and Feathers and Monkey. Everyone was SUPER nice. It was so weird, and lovely. The food was amazing, the conversations were amazing. I still have bruises from trying to steal a cemented picnic table.

The party wound down around midnight. Howard pulled his guest mattress out on porch, and we fell asleep under the stars. It was amazing.

The next morning it was blackberry festival time! We were working the radio booth (Howard is trying to bring the first radio station ever to his town. Awesome!) I ate all day, and Howard drank all day (even though these pictures make it look reversed).

Pretty much the whole festival is visible in this picture:

And then we went square dancing. At one point I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. Square dancing is SO MUCH FUN you guys. No pictures, because I was too busy do-see-doing and crap.

My feet can tell the whole story.

Another night of sleeping under the stars. I woke up to this.

Blackberry pancakes and kale for breakfast.

And then it was time to hit the road. 10 hours to home.


But, I couldn't leave without hitting up the river. ON the way out of town, I pulled over along the river and headed down.

So fucking pretty.

I miss the river already.

YAY water! I even got some freestyle swimming in.

I think I could live comfortably as a river girl.

Time to head back to the car.

It was too hot to get dressed, so I didn't.

I passed through where my dad lives, so I stopped by and had a burger with him.

Nine hours later I was home.

It was awesome. I had so much fun. Everyone was so nice. Now I want to build a sleeping porch.

And that's how I spent my summer vacation.

One Year

One year ago, this happened:

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Wet and Wild 5k

I busted out my super hero alter ego. Boom. More to come, but I have the rest if the day to kick it at the water park.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Gym Thursday: I'm A Pervert

Do you have inappropriate conversations at the gym/while working out? Do you overhear super messed up conversations?

Do you know what you're going to wear for Halloween this year?


Number of sex references during the workout relating to the workout: At least three.

Things we talked about:

-Massages suck. Neither of us really like them. At which point I said "It feels better when you stick me." And then we stared at each other. And I looked around, and said, louder "It's a tool. To relax my muscles!" "That doesn't sound any better." (The Stick)

-He asked me "Is it normal to be watching porn and feel bad for the people in it?" I told him it actually means he's a good person.

-I can deadlift more than any of his other clients. Which means his other clients are giant pansies. Also, he doesn't really train guys.

- My goals: Benching body weight. Pull ups. Well, even one would be nice. 5 double arm strict presses at rkc level weight. Faster mile via kettlebells. Century. He thinks I can do a handstand push up already, but we ran out of time to test it out.

-Guys with strong grips giving hand jobs. You could really hurt somebody!

-Make up. I don't understand why some women wear it every day. "You're the only girl I know who's not lying to everyone"

-Halloween costumes. He knows what his is. I knew what my was, but now I'm undecided, which scares the crap out of me. I only have two months!!!!

-Has everyone ever died from chocking on a dick? Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I'm not the only one asking this question?

No visible sweat. A combination of talking too long post-workout, and the wicking power of the shirt.

The Workout:

Chest press. 75lb 85lb 85lb 95lb max (1.5 reps. Ug)

Stiff arm hang ten seconds (while staring at myself in the mirror, and damn do I look good you guys)
Strict press kb 12kg x3

2 double arm strict press. holy shit. The second one, man, I thought I was going to fail but I didn't. Which was a CRAZY good feeling.

Wide grip pull downs

Archaic looking machine rows

Planks with snake breathing every 15 second. Felt like a goddamn retard.


My right shoulder/neck area is stiffening up now. FUN! I'm sure I'll feel super duper awesome in the morning. But it was a good workout, and I had some hilarious conversations with my trainer.