Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Bachelorette: Episode 1

First, my thoughts on the guys. These are notes I jotted down while watching the show. First impressions and such.

* = they stayed.

*Ryan P: solar power guy. brought a camera for just out of the limo. Kind of cute. First impression rose.

*JP: construction. shaved head. "cupcake" Looks like Breckin Meyer

*Ames: finance. yale. foreskin eyes. 39 marathons. brought her ballet tickets? when are they supposed to go?

*ben c: new orleans. speaks french.

*benjamin/ ben f: winemaker. shaggy hair. lou diamond phillips. dead dad. brought wine out of the limo.

*bentley: dad. COZY?????? telegraphed as douche bag. wanted Emily.

*West: lawyer. wife died. gave her a broken compass.

*william: "bad luck" dead alcoholic dad. dead dad watch?? did impressions. SUper adorable impressions.

*Lucas: [I never wrote anything down about him. Clearly, he left an impression]

*mickey: chef. good grammar. tried to kiss her straight out of the limo. ewwww.

*stephen: long hair in face. pig nose.

*chris d: white boy rapped. "just a hobby of mine."

*matt: secret handshake.

*Jeff: creepy mask dude. Possibly deformed.

*nick: personal trainer. shaggy curly blong hair. poem.

*Blake: DENTIST.

*constantine: medium hair. dental floss ring.

Anthony: Butcher. NJ accent. Alternatively, carries wallet in cheeks. open collar, gold chain, moles. seems retarded.

Frank: looks like a football player. spun her and picked her up. Weird.

Micheal: nerdy looking. whipped out a guitar. threw it in the pool. "I don't really play guitar." hilarious, or creepy?

chris m: canadian.

jon: picked her up and carried her off.

tim: heavy accent. looks old. fought with mask man. had trouble talking. Got super drunk. SENT HOME.

Rob: "I don't have any crowns for you to point out."

I didn't even write down Ryan M's name. I did spend a chunk of the episode wondering why they called Ryan "Ryan P" if there was only one. Ha.

Some of the guys made more of an impression than others.

In case you forgot, Ashley is damaged goods. That's what the producers want you to know. And, they clearly blamed her forehead.

So, this season, on The Bachelorette, they're covering it up. But, so you don't feel neglected, they boot her in tiny booty shorts TWICE in the first four minutes of the show.

Bless you, producers. It's a nice booty.

Oh, wait, Ashley already knows that Bentley is a fame whore? An ex contestant is friends with his ex wife? Or something? "But, you have to give people a chance." Ug.

Why do guys think they can just pick women up off the ground and move them around without asking?

Oh, man, she fell for Bentley's BS hook line and sinker.

Things Ashley does that annoy me (Aka: things that I will assign workouts to):

-squishy side mouth
-"putting it all out there"
-regret with brad/regrets
-clasping hands in front of her face


-Every time the editors put creepy music on for mask man (That editing was HILARIOUS)
-Every time William does impressions (he's my favorite)
-Every time you see a guy shirtless (Rrrrrrrrow)


If you watched, what do you think are going to be reoccurring bits of awfulness or hilarity that you think I should assign an exercise to?

Who is your favorite thus far?

William! He's hilarious.


  1. EVERY SINGLE SEASON i getted sucked into this show! The fact that she fell in love with that d-bag Brad lets me know that this season might not be too much different!? Why Bently? The challenge? I dont even find him that attractive! She's making the classic mistake with trying to real in the bad boy. Sigh.

    I'm for wine guy!

  2. bahahah Ames' foreskin eyes and fivehead were makin' me gag.

    this whole thing deserves 23842347 comments but i would just basically be repeating what you wrote. luke and i (of course he watched it) laughed the whole time.

    we felt SO bad for ashley with the whole bentley thing. i didn't realize (or forgot) that at that point they didn't know emily wasn't in the running

  3. I can't feel bad for Ashley with the Bentley thing. She knew before meeting him what was up, but instead of being smart she's going to be a fool and try to change him. Fools get burned.

  4. Several of those guys are from my state (Ohio)... one is from a neighborhood just 15 minutes from here. I was wondering if they did a local casting call or something..? Who knows. In any case, apparently hot Ohio men feel that things are so bad they need to duke it out in some national contest over ONE woman (while the rest of us sit here in Ohio, single and forever alone...haha).

    I like your theory on the masked man :)
    The guy who threw his guitar in the pool is super-hot.

  5. this is awesome. i am loving that you took notes. all the crazies on these shows are from utah...i better get outta here quick...haha. but really...what is that about??

    I like JP. ashley kinda drives me crazy. I am not sure which will be more difficult to watch this season...her or the random crazy guys they picked for this season.

  6. Oh man, I have never watched, but this one post alone makes me want to start!

  7. I started watching last night after I read this post. I had it DVR'd, and the fact that you had done all of this made me laugh hysterically when these guys came on. I haven't finished watching yet, but I love your workout ideas.

    The dead dad watch part cracked me up. I know- totally uncouth of me.

  8. I picked a baaaadd baddd day to get caught up on blogs. :)

  9. OK...so I picked up on the whole hulu thing so I can't WAIT for this weekly run down!

    My only two picks were JP & William. Everyone else either creeps me out or is too fug. Maybe they'll grow on me. Ames looks like he could be Harry Connick Jr's son, no??