Hear me out.
I ran that baby with ZERO training. None. The longest I had run between the first weekend in December and the ultramarathon was something like 11 miles. That was IT.
I took two naps and a blister break. I mean, come on. I went to sleep in the middle of the race. TWICE. This doesn't even count all the times I sat down and played with kids, or ate stuff, or anything.
I had no idea what I was doing. Flying way, totally blind.
And (at least *during* the run, for the most part, in retrospect), I had a lot of fun.
So you, blog reader, dreamer of dreams, do not be afraid.
YOU can run a half assed ultramarathon, if you follow these easy steps:
1. Pick an ultramarathon that is timed, with a loop. Usually you can find one mile trail loops, but sometimes you have to settle for a high school track. Trust me, it sounds boring, but to achieve your goal of the half assed ultramarathon, this is key. Why? Because you can stop whenever you want/need to. For those of us who dream the half assed dream, the timed+loop course is the only course you should be aiming for. No one needs to come airlift you out if you can't finish. You just go sit by your blankets and cooler and friends for a few hours until you feel like getting up again. SO EASY.
2. Aim low. Did you know that anything over a marathon distance is technically an ultramarathon? 27 miles? Ultramarathon. 28 miles? Ultramarathon. Do you see where I'm going with this? You don't have to run 100 miles to claim the title of Ultramarathoner.
3. Give yourself as much rest as you need. You have 24 hours to go a minimum of 27 miles. That's slightly more than a mile an hour. I'm pretty sure you can crawl that fast. Okay, not really, but you can give yourself plenty of breaks. Shit, you could probably catch 8 hours of sleep and still hit your goal. Boom.
4. Let go. Apparently? A DNF during an ultra? Totally normal. Happens all the time. Let it go. Try again another time.
5. GO SLOW. You know how I knew I would do well in an ultra? My marathon times suck balls. But it was pretty fast for an ultramarathon pace. Fuck yeah.
Seriously. Unless you are pre-injured, or you actually hurt yourself doing the race, YOU, runner of runs and dreamer of dreams, can run an ultramarathon.
Do not just dare to dream. Go here. Search for TIMED runs. See what's available.
To say "it's not that hard" would be a big Eff You to all those awesome, hard working ultramarathoners, but, listen, to join the Half Assed Ultra club, you just need to dream big, and be a little too stubborn for your own good.
So, have you ever dreamed of doing an ultramarathon?
Dream no more. DO. Seriously.
This is a sickness, oh, man, I want to do another, but my husband would mock me and kill me.