Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Biggest Loser 11: Episode 2

Another Biggest Loser Recap. Oh joy.

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We start with a reminder about how awesome the Unknown team is.

The five Unknowns lost more weight than the six B&J teams. This is when the B&J teams should start shitting themselves. Sure, the Unknowns are mostly men, but still, people, still. You honestly thought that The Biggest Loser would stick the Unknowns with shitty trainers? Riiiiiight.

So, Ali offers them up a deal: You (B&J team) beat them (Unknowns) in the weigh in this week, everyone gets to stay.

This, I like. It brings people together. It says "lose weight and everyone wins."

Do I think it's possible.

Ummm. No.

We jump to The Unknowns. Why are the trainers still anonymous? Anyway, Video Ali explains that B&J sucked balls at the weigh in. Everyone grins. Then she explains the deal she offered B&J. Bleeding hearts would throw the weigh in to let everyone stay. But, the winning team gets $10k. That's enough to knock the bleeding hearts back into line. Everyone loves money.

Back to the ranch. B&J get to watch the Unknowns train on video.

"If I don't see someone passing out or almost puking, I'm not going to be happy." Nope, not Jillian. Unknown Male Trainer. I like him already.

B&J shitting themselves again, because the Unknowns are training HARD.

I love watching people work out that hard. It's just FUN. It really instills how much I love exercise.

Anyway, now we get to watch B&J train.

Oh, man, Jillian is playing psychologist again. I love her, but I want to watch these people dripping sweat, not tears.

Wait, wait, did a contestant just use the word "literally" properly? HOLY CRAP. Season after season, people's hearts are "literally" beating out of their chests. According to them. And they are "literally" sweating buckets. According to them. Season after season.

So, to hear a contestant not butcher the English language? Music to my ears.

We jump back to the Unknowns. And instead of a sob story from Old Pink lady, we get action. Sure, she explains that she was called Dumb Denny, but it's in a voice over as she's boxing the shit our of her trainer. That's the kind of emotional break through I like to see.

And then back to Jill playing therapist. Less talking, more grunting! I hate this emotional stuff. Booooooo.

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The Unknowns (more likely, the producers) send B&J donuts.

AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH. B&J take turns jumping on the donuts, then hit the treadmills. Except the guy who lost 150 before he even got on the show. He picks up a squished donut and smells it. He seriously considers eating donuts that everyone stepped on. WOW. Thankfully, he doesn't. He fights it. Which is a good sign. They're so deprived on the ranch, it's good to know that he's strong enough to stand up to temptation.

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And then it's Dr "We should we a Novel Peace Prize."

Um. Whoa. Dr. H just told one of the twins his estimated death date. Okay, you guys, I know these people are slowly killing themselves, and hammering in the point probably helps them, but this, to me, is too far. It's creepy and gross. *shudder*

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a robot. His reaction to the news made me tear up. Oh man.

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B&J then get a video from the Unknowns. It's a hilarious montage of awesome numbers and "bring it on"s. I was skeptical about the two groupings of people at the beginning, but I am LOVING this. I hope it really does motivate the B&Js, because the Unknowns are rocking it. I am loving them all, man.

And B&J, do you really think the video was the Unknowns' idea? Producers. DUH.

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It's challenge time! Ooooooh, the Unknowns get to be in the challenge, too. Yay! And, sweet, it really is a TEAM challenge. That's awesome. Again, I love the working together.

Both teams are very cocky. It doesn't bother me with the Unknowns, because, dude, they have proven it. B&J needs to wait to be so cocky.

Clearly I am pro-team Unknown. Plus, their workouts look more fun. And by fun I mean bare bones balls to the wall. Which is how I like it.

Oh, man, the challenge was a massacre.

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Last Chance Workout!

"It's like he's literally conducting an orchestra" - one of the twins.

This is a grammatical cop-out. Which I find hilarious. I'm going to start saying things like "it's like I'm literally dying." See, not literally dying. It's just LIKE I am. Whatever that means.

Oh, this isn't a grammar blog? My bad.

Bob kind of looks like a sailor with his stripped shirt. Rrrrow.


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So, it's weigh in time. And Ali talks about how B&J got DESTROYED. Bob freaks out. "but, but, but, my team has HEART" he says. Or something like that.

Bob, listen. All these pairs came in the same: killing themselves with food. The other team has heart, too. Why would you think otherwise? They are also mothers and daughters and fathers and sons, with bad knees and emotional problems. They're just losing weight faster. Boom.

Flash to the other team, and they are doing SO WELL. I want to focus on them! Stupid show. When Jill was trainer her rejects in the dessert a billion seasons ago, we focused on them a ton.

"Stop the beeping and just show me the numbers already!" -Bob

You and me both, Bob, you and me both.

So B&J win the weigh in, everyone is safe for another week.

And, I should be happy, I really should.

But, I kind of wanted B&J to lose.

Because they were overconfident this week. For NO REASON. They had no reason to believe they were going to win the weigh in. None. They should have hoped, yes, but strutting around "knowing" it really put me off.

Probably because all I've seen from the Unknowns is brief glimpses of success and awesomeness. Sure, they were proud of it, but they SHOULD be.

I'm sure this will all change when they finally fully introduce us to team Unknown, and we get to know those contestants more. But, for now, I'm on Team Unknown.

"You didn't just beat them, you destroyed them." - Ali.

Bob likes the word "destroyed" now. He even lets out an exaggerated theater bow. So, it's acceptable to destroy the other team? They don't have heart? Grrrr.

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Blah blah blah. Once they start showing everyone equally it will probably get more interesting.

6 comments:

  1. woo hoo for biggest loser being back! i love it. this season is so weird though. we'll see. great recap for sure. SO true on the blah blah blah bit. it BETTER get better;)
    YOURS, MINE AND OURS

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  2. Thanks. I love this show way more than I should.

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  3. I still need to watch this episode on Hulu so I skipped the last few paragraphs. So when do we find out who the unknowns are?? This is killing me. I like their style and I love that the contestants get to hit things. Bob and Jillian are doing the same old, same old.

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  4. Kate, I totally agree. Treadmill, yell, fall over blah blah blah. Bob and Jill need to shake things up.

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  5. Overall, I thought this episode was kind of boring.

    That guy *almost* eating the flattened donut was gross.

    I like the emotional breakthroughs with some people (e.g. last seasons, etc). But sometimes, I think they just start crying/fake something emotional to avoid the work out and please the producers.

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  6. After watching all the previous seasons, if I needed a break, I would totally start talking about being beat with licorice as a child. hahahha.

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